Friday, November 28, 2008

E=mc2 (you know what I mean, squared. But I can't do the little 2)

Sometimes God gives you a sign.

A few days ago I got my second ever solicitation to do a review on my blog. Of sex toys. I don't know what it is about my blog that would make someone think that I would do something like that--I mean, I don't even blog about sex, with the possible exception of Porn Sunday, Orgy Tuesday and Bestiality Friday. I emailed the person back to ask how it would work, hoping that they would appreciate a mildly amusing post about the "fleshlight", but apparently, they want me to test out something from the stock and then review it and would I also consider something from the couple's section. You know, because by reading my blog they know that Husbandrinka is an avid fan and wants to have as much of his life broadcast on the internet as possible.

So, I was sort of toying with it. But it's just not me. And I don't think that I could ever look you guys in the eye again if I did a lot of "I give this three moans out of five". So I was leaning against it until I got a real sign.

At Thanksgiving dinner, I figured out that my father reads my blog. My first clue was that he said, "I read your blog. I don't like it, it's very superficial."

How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a father who doesn't appreciate lighthearted blog banter. So I did what any normal person would do. I told him that I was banning him from my blog.
He wanted to know what that even meant. Remember, he lived in the former Soviet Union until he was in his 30s, so I had a lot of Gulog inspired images in my corner.
"It means that you are not welcome to read it anymore," I declared.
"I can read it if I want to," he said. "It's on the internet."
"Not if you have honor!" I may have jutted my index finger out in the international "honor" symbol.
He agreed. Because, well, wine was involved.

Then my mother chimed in. "I don't understand why you would post a blog where everyone could see your deepest thoughts."
"I don't really have deep thoughts," I reassured her.
"Still, aren't you worried that people are reading it and masturbating? The internet is so anonymous."

I can't decide whether my mother assumes that I write a lot of erotica or that she just thinks that most of the people reading blogs keep their hand in their pants for most of the day, but I think that signs against reviewing sex toys don't get much clearer, do you?

29 Comments:

Blogger wfbdoglover said...

LMAO - I can't wait to hear about Christmas Dinner Blog conversations.

What is it with parents and blogs. At least yours read yours.

No ONE - NO One in my family is interested in my blog. Not my mom, dad (they put their fingers in their ears and shreik they won't hear of it), hubby just goes hummm and the scout occassionally says AND DON'T put this on your blog.

Heck, yesterday I met a "friend" I've known for 2 years from the blogs. We email and call and get all worked up on political things. Heck, we even had a topic that 2 talk radio stations were discussing AND NO ONE CARED I was meeting this guy at 9 in the morning, in a parking lot ALL BY MYSELF to deliver a wreath he bought from my son't Boy Scout Troop.

At least your family cares!

November 28, 2008 at 12:20 PM  
OpenID jenontheedge said...

Well, at least your parents were polite about it.

My stepmother found my blog and, after spending hours poring over my archives -- my statcounter showed 14 hits from her email in one day alone -- told me that I was a terrible person and that my blog disgusted her so much that she couldn't read it. Oh, and that perhaps I ought to direct my energies toward something useful, like "doing good" and shit like that. So apparently raising my kids, working part-time, and volunteering extensively at our school aren't good enough.

Why yes, I am still a bit bitter.

November 28, 2008 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

You're mum thinks people are reading it and masturbating - eeeewww!

I couldn't post something today about my Thanksgiving disaster because the disaster involves 1 of the people that reads my blog.

November 28, 2008 at 12:37 PM  
Blogger Braja said...

After laughing like an idiot at Vodka Mom's post, I ended up here and finished myself off for the day laughwise...you're too much Marinka. And I love you :) Makes me wish I'd spent Thanksgiving with you...and I'm still laughing...

November 28, 2008 at 1:03 PM  
Blogger Eve Grey said...

Haha, that is funy. My dad knows I have a blog but I would never let them see it. He is all paranoid about internet use. The old folks apparently think internet is used for porn only. Whereas that is just its secondary use for me. (:

November 28, 2008 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

Okay, that gave me a great laugh! It's kind of freaky to think about someone reading your (or my) blog and masturbating.

Except when I do it while reading your blog, then it's perfectly normal.

November 28, 2008 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

Wow. I'm not sure why, but I blog as if my parents might read it when I know they don't. LOL My dad doesn't own (or know how to work) a computer, and my mother didn't even know I had a blog until 2 days ago. I might start letting her in on it...we'll see. I think the sex toys is a definite no...but hey, if you do, I'll still read it - with my hands on the keyboard, thank you very much MarinkaMOM. LOL

November 28, 2008 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger Heinous said...

They must be reading into all that hot chat between you and husbandrinka.

November 28, 2008 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree said...

Thankgivingrinka sounds like it was a blast. My family is slowly finding a reading my blog, but it's pretty benign. I have been thinking of starting a secret blog where I can really dish about what's on my mind.

My mom has never used e-mail and doesn't even own a computer, so I think it's safe to say she will never see my blog.

What does Husbandrinka think of the sex toys review?

November 28, 2008 at 3:35 PM  
Blogger OHmommy said...

I have been toying with the idea of starting a secret blog never mentioning it in conversation with relations. Ever.

Once more family reads.. I have less things to write about. And then when your husband's patients start reading... well that's it. It's all over. I can't even blog about my husband slowly throwing away my comfy cotton briefs and leaving me with a drawer full of hanky pankys. No one wants to read what their dentist's wife wears.

November 28, 2008 at 5:04 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

I F**ing love you. I am not kidding you. "I don't have deep thoughts.." Ha!

You're the best. you blog banner you.

November 28, 2008 at 6:22 PM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

My mother read my blog. I am in the shithouse now.

I think my parents and yours would be great friends.

What happened with the "following" problem?

November 28, 2008 at 6:31 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

About 600 of the 2 readers of my blog are family members. Seriously. That's mainly why I blog about my kids. No controversy there, and nothing which will make my MIL blush.

A little advice, if you don't want people doing vulgar things while reading your blog, you shouldn't post that erotic photo of the back of your head.

November 28, 2008 at 6:51 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

My in-laws read mine. They bring things up and embarrass me. Maybe I should start reviewing sex toys...

November 28, 2008 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous sdl said...

I can assure you wholeheartedly that it has never once so much as crossed my mind to masturbate while reading your blog.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a father who doesn't appreciate lighthearted blog banter.
I have, however, laughed out loud many times.

November 28, 2008 at 10:55 PM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

I loved the "I don't have deep thoughts.." too. Hysterical!!!!

My parents are finally cool with the blog, but it took a while. And I have a sex toy post I'm dying to write, but I'm not sure I can do it to them. It may forever tarnish their image of me, not sure I can do that!

November 29, 2008 at 4:04 AM  
Anonymous Debo Hobo said...

Umm yeah I think it is best that you don't put those images and words into you parent's minds. LOL:)

November 29, 2008 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Hilarious!

My blog is very tame, about the kids, mostly, because I *know* my mother-in-law reads mine. She still hates it, but won't say it to me, anyway. I just hear how she's criticized from other relatives. Wonder is she's reading this...

Hey, I've been thinking about starting a new secret, anonymous blog, too!!! Actually, I have already, but I have yet to post anything to it. Maybe I'm not as interesting and angst-ridden as I thought?

November 29, 2008 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Frogs in my formula said...

How did you dad find out about your blog??? I almost had a heart attack at Thanksgiving when my husband jokingly called me Frogmama and my father said "Do I even want to know??" I broke into a sweat picturing him going home and googling Frogmama. Friends reading your blog are one thing, parents are another. Funny as hell post.

November 29, 2008 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Temple said...

There should be some international code or treaty under which parents are automatically re-routed from any blog/website of their children...or which their children have ever visited...

November 29, 2008 at 10:53 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I love your posts about your parents. That part about your mother's take on the perverts reading blogs. Hilarious (and hopefully not true).

November 30, 2008 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger binks said...

I'm confused. This isn't the Marinka sex toy Sunday porn show? My bad.

December 1, 2008 at 12:15 AM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Oh my gosh, I just laughed so hard at what your mom said!!! Parents are so twisted sometimes.... The best parallel I can think of is when my mom found Madonna's SEX book in my sister's room.... She confronted my sister because she thought it was HER DIARY, as in my sister's diary!

You are hilarious! I am totally hooked after reading today. Thanks for sharing your shallow thoughts with all of us. ;)

December 1, 2008 at 9:51 AM  
Blogger Smartass Milf said...

Well, at least you didn't review the sex toy, write about it, and then discover your father reads your blog. Christmas would have been awkward and had way more wine consumed.

December 1, 2008 at 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

That would have been the best porn sunday post ever!

December 1, 2008 at 12:01 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

If my dad read my blog, he would tell me I don't swear enough.

My dad is a dirt ass.

December 1, 2008 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger ms. changes pants while driving said...

my hand was in my pants until the part about your mom talking about people's hands in their pants and then i took it out of my pants to leave this comment.

that's a lie. i can type with one hand.

December 1, 2008 at 6:48 PM  
Blogger Z said...

And now the image of people reading your blog and masturbating will forever be stuck in my mind. Thanks. I don't know that I'll ever see this site the same way again... ;)

December 3, 2008 at 1:22 PM  
Anonymous vibesextoylady said...

i read your blog but i don't masturbate, my intention is clean and your a good writer i must say.hope you could give justice on those people who are trying to explore new things in there sexual life and enhance to a better ..exciting.

December 8, 2008 at 3:52 AM  

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