To Be in NYC or Not to Be in NYC, That is the Question

Update: I'm featured on Neurotic Mom!

Recently, I found out that the lovely Kelcey from The Mama Bird Diaries is considering leaving NYC. Something about kids needing trees to climb, but I suspect that she hates me and wants to be as far away from me as possible. Whatever. Not to be one-upped by her, I can now reveal that every once in a while, Husbandrinka and I have conversations about possibly leaving New York City and moving to the suburbs.

I immediately start hyperventilating and then we agree to make a "pro/con" list, and approach it like adults. Like adults who make "pro/con" lists while breathing into a brown paper bag. If "breathing into a brown paper bag" is another way of saying "guzzling vodka."

Invariably, Husbandrinka provides the "pros", I provide the "cons" and our list looks something like this:

Pro: We can live in a house instead of an apartment.

Con: I will instantly become an alcoholic.

Pro: We can have a backyard.

Con: I will dabble in pills, as well.

Pro: We will save a lot of money.

Con: Not with all the booze and dolls that I'll be buying.

Pro: We will have more space--a basement, a cellar!

Con: I will fashion a noose in the basement. Or maybe in the cellar. Probably both.

Pro: Our children will ride their bikes up and down our tree-lined street as our neighbors look on and wave.

Con: Look! My wrists are practically slashing themselves!

Pro: We will get away from the noise of NYC.

Con: What about the noise that is coming from the voices inside my head? You know, the ones chanting ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?

Pro: We don't take advantage of what NYC has to offer.

Con: Exactly! That's how we save money!

Pro: Our kids can have a traditional American childhood.

Con: Shouldn't that go into the "con" column?

Pro: There are a lot of teenagers in the suburbs, so there's plenty of cheap babysitting.
Con: Why are you sitting there instead of packing?!?