Here is my advice: If you ever come up with an award-winning theory, contact the Nobel committee directly, and don't run it by your spouse first. Especially if you're married to my husband. Because he will make you doubt yourself which in turn will diminish your bliss. Trust me on this.
Recently I came up with a theory that people who were popular in high school are now extinct, like dinosaurs and ...some other things that are extinct. None of the friends that I have now were popular in high school, moreover none of us knows anyone who was popular in high school. I was so excited by my theory that I started preparing the deposit slip for the advance on my award-winning book on the subject and wondering what I was going to wear when I appeared on Oprah.
But then I decided to share the good news.
"Guess what?" I asked Husbandrinka. "I came up with a whole new theory of social relations. Want to hear it?"
"No," he mumbled.
"Haha," I said. "how about after you're awake?"
"No," he said.
Fortunately I'm one of those people who never bought into the whole "no means no" crap that swept college campuses in the 80s. I always look into the person's eyes to see if they really mean "no" or if they are playing hard to get and mean "ok, if you want". Unfortunately, because my husband was sleeping with his soul windows shut closed, I didn't get any special insight into his eyes and was forced to go by what I call my seventh sense. My seventh sense is a gift that allows me to know what people want, despite any visual or verbal cues that they give. I am hoping that New York soon will codify it as a defense, along with insanity, to most crimes.
"Ok, here it is. The people who are popular in high school burn out and are no longer around after college, if they make it that far. That's why we don't know anyone who was popular in high school and none of our friends do either."
"That's stupid," he said. I assume that he was sleep talking.
"You think that I'm wrong?" I challenged.
"I was best friends with Monica and she was the head cheerleader, popular and she's still around."
"How come I haven't seen her in years?"
"Because she's living in Milan."
Well, that doesn't mean that she's not extinct. I mean, I haven't been to Milan in years, so maybe it's just code for "a total loser" or something.
"Besides," he is suddenly Mr. Chatty, "have you ever considered that maybe you and all your friends were unpopular kids and now you're unpopular adults so that's why the popular people don't hang out with you?"
"Something to think about, huh?"
And this is how a dream dies. Or more specifically, gets murdered. I'm thinking of starting a support group.