Top Thoughts About the Balloon Boy
* By the way, how big is Colorado? Shouldn't that thing have been in Mexico after three hours of floating?
* Thank you, Falcon's parents for making me feel like a fantastic mom. Because my kids have never hidden in the attic while there was a nationwide hunt for them. Although admittedly, we don't have an attic.
* If you name your kid FALCON, don't be shocked if at some point he's airborne. That's why my kids have practical names like Playing Wii and Couch Potato.
* I live in an apartment building, so are garage attics a common phenomenon? I suspect that the authorities didn't find him because they didn't know that this space existed.
* To win over public support, Falcon should be Anne Frank for Halloween. He already has the whole hiding in the attic thing down.
* Although the mother did say that they checked small drawers for Falcon. Yes, the silverware tray was my first thought too.
* Is anyone investigating the father's bowl haircut?
* I watched this family on Wife Swap so I'm like a total expert on them.
* Husbandrinka doesn't give a shit about this whole story and wasn't aware that I watch stuff like Wife Swap.
* I spent way too long explaining the concept of Wife Swap to my kids last night.
* And helping them download an application.
* When Falcon was still Not Found, I was interviewed by abcnews.com and quoted as saying that if I had one of those balloon things in my backyard, I'd have either it or my children tethered to the ground at all times, possibly both. Just as I was enjoying my new fame and fortune, Falcon was found and the story was no longer relevant and was replaced. In other word, Falcon ruined my life.
* I love all the Falcon neighbor interviews where they say that they're a great family. You can tell that all the neighbors are terrified of the freaky family and don't want to be killed by them when they inevitably snap.
* And to everyone on Twitter who thought it was inappropriate and insensitive to laugh at this situation before the boy was found alive and well: next time, trust me. I'm very intuitive.