I'm a Moody Blogger

Today is Thanksgiving and the list of the things that I am thankful for goes on and on and is a real snooze to read. You know, the usual. Tivo, potato chips, the Brangelina-Anniston drama.

I'm not good at the topical holiday posts. I'm a moody blogger and today I'm in the mood to tell you something really important about marriage. This advice is especially useful if you're not yet married. If you made the mistake of getting married before consulting this post, you'll probably want to get an annulment and try again. Of course it'll be hard to get an annulment on Thanksgiving Day, but I don't see how you can possibly blame me for that one.

Ok, here it goes. You know how when you're a kid, and you and your siblings were going somewhere, one of you would call "firsties!" and that created this binding contract that can only be terminated upon death? Well, when you get married, it's really important to call "insanies!" as soon as possible after you're pronounced husband and wife, because if you don't, terrible things will happen.

For example. Last month I had a dream that my husband was looking at some woman (for argument's sake, let's call her a whore) in a way that I didn't like. No, I did not like it one bit. I woke up enraged. I didn't understand how he could betray me like that and the fact that it was a dream and didn't happen in real life was an inconsequential detail.  Sort of like saying "but she was a blonde, and you know I prefer redheads, honey" is a ridiculous defense.  Like now I'm responsible for your bad taste in dreamland?  Don't think so.  

So, I woke up, fuming, and feeling like at the very least, Husbandrinka owed me a huge apology because everyone knows that dreams have meaning and I am a very sensitive person and if he wasn't interested in this dreamgirl, why would I have dreamt it? Or is he trying to say that everyone's dreams have meaning except mine because I'm not as important as other people? Because that doesn't make me feel great, either.    

After a few (dozen) minutes of back and forth on this, Husbandrinka still didn't see why he had to apologize, and was acting all like I'm the crazy one here.  Unbelievable. It's almost like the whole feminist revolution was a huge waste of time or something and I'm a second class citizen. And then he says, "what if I had a dream that you did something?" And I'm all, "Uh-uh.  I called insanies!"  Which means that I get to be the insane one in the relationship and rage about dreams and he has to be the reasonable and practical one.  Because opposites attract and we can't both be getting mad at each other for dreams, it doesn't work like that.  Because that leaves very little time for other things, like doing the dishes.  Which reminds me, after you call "insanies", don't forget to call "not doing dishesies!"

You're welcome.