Saturday, November 29, 2008

Days of Whine and Roses

Over Thanksgiving Weekend, after I finished the book I'd been reading and was reduced to leafing through my mother's back issues of "Better Home and Gardens" and studying their suggestions for how to build a better cheese ball (hint: half a cup of butter for every pound and a half to two pounds of cheese), mama asked me if my daughter ever asked me anything about alcohol.
"Like what?" I asked.
"She told me that she thinks that you're an alcoholic," she said.
"Really?" I put the magazine down, but only after turning down the corner of the cheese ball page.

I have been super sensitive about drinking lately because I read an article in a magazine about whether it's ok to drink in front of the kids or whether it's best not to. The article said that while it's ok to have an occasional glass of wine, the kids should also see you not having wine so that they can see that mom and dad can have fun without alcohol. I am really hoping that the first few hours of the morning count towards this alcohol-free fun time.

But I've been following the magazine's advice, because I need all the help I can get and God knows they wouldn't steer me wrong. Unfortunately, I chose Thanksgiving dinner as the time to show to my kids that I can have fun without alcohol. Looking back on it, I should have chosen a less stressful time to demonstrate this wine-less happiness to my kids, like for example, Armageddon. (Just kidding, our Thanksgiving was lovely and delicious.)

But I'm not sure that the kids noticed that I wasn't drinking.
What the fuck? What is the purpose of my doing Thanksgiving sober if I'm not getting credit for it.
"Ask me if I want some wine," I whispered to Husbandrinka.
"I know you're not having any," he said.
"Just.ask.me," I spoke through my teeth.
"What for?" He asked.
"For the sake of our children!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he ended our conversation. As a matter of fact, that's frequently how he ends our conversations. (Note to self: future blog post about better conversation enders).

I was on my own.
"I'm so happy to spend this Thanksgiving with all of you!" I raised my water glass in a toast. "Although it is customary to toast with wine, today I am toasting you with water. Because water is very delicious too and very...hydrating. And I am having fun! A lot of fun!"
Everyone was busy chewing but I think someone nodded. Or maybe they were gnawing at a bone or something.
Clearly I paid my non-wine drinking dues.

So when mama mentioned that my daughter was concerned about my drinking, my ears perked up.
"What did she say?" I asked.
"Oh, just that you have wine with dinner sometimes," she said. "But I know she's worried about alcoholism."
"Really? She just came out and said that?"
"Yes, she's worried."
"What were you talking about before she said that?"
"I don't remember."
"You remember everything, like an elephant."
"Oh, I think I asked her if you ever have wine and she said, 'yes, at dinner sometimes.'"

Sometimes I think that I don't drink enough.

Labels:

30 Comments:

Blogger K and/or K said...

Sounds like a conversation straight up "with a twist" to me!

November 29, 2008 at 7:12 PM  
Blogger Heinous said...

I think your mother is reading into things here. Of course, she does read your blog...hmmm. You should have schooled her in the fine art of cheese balls. She would have known you were doing fine then.

November 29, 2008 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger iMommy said...

Mothers.

They certainly are.... frustrating.

November 29, 2008 at 7:16 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

Whatever wine you didn't drink and saved from Thursday, please ship it to me. I haven't drank in....?.....9 months plus 7 months....and 2 weeks.

November 29, 2008 at 7:39 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

No fair. Grandma is leading the witness. I feel a personal responsibility to show my children responsible drinking...all afternoon.

November 29, 2008 at 7:49 PM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

Take it from me, as one of the sandwich generation people who lives with her own child and her own mother: Never, ever let them put you in the middle. It's always a win for your mother.

Chin up and chin chin.

November 29, 2008 at 7:57 PM  
Blogger Braja said...

My mother drove me to drink, and it was a long and twisty journey with too few pitstops (read: bar stops) along the way. I'm lucky I got out alive. And sober.

But when I'm in NY, I'm coming over with a few bottles of wine, and to hell with your kids (temporarily, of course...I would never send a kid to hell unless they deserved it...)

November 29, 2008 at 8:04 PM  
Blogger wfbdoglover said...

It's those DAMN Health Education classes, I'll tell you.

The other day mine told me that I could drink, as long as I drink responsibily.

Public schools, I'll tell you. sheesh.

November 29, 2008 at 8:12 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Um, well, ah. Want a glass of wine with that water??

And I am SO bringing you some wine.

November 29, 2008 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger Swistle said...

My 4th grader informed us that a dripping faucet wastes 1,230 gallons of water a year. A child I used to babysit for informed me that coffee was a drug.

You know what looks JUST LIKE WATER? Vodka. That's what I'm putting in my water glass until the kids get old enough to get sneaky about their own vices.

November 29, 2008 at 8:31 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

Yes, clearly you're not drinking enough!

November 29, 2008 at 8:54 PM  
Blogger McMommy said...

I love that all your Google Ads right now are about alcoholism and getting help for it!! HA!!

November 29, 2008 at 9:03 PM  
Blogger Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree said...

You deserve Mother of the Year for that one. I won't give up wine, especially with Thanksgiving dinner.

Do you think I might be an alcoholic?

November 29, 2008 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

Maybe you need to get black-out, fall over drunk to show your daughter the downside of drinking, and tell her that at least you don't drink that much all the time. She can look at the bright side.

November 29, 2008 at 9:53 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

I would leave a comment, but I have had too much to drink.

November 29, 2008 at 10:58 PM  
Blogger Temple said...

As long as the guy at the local corner wine/tobacco/magazine market doesn't know your daughter by name or what "usual order" to give her to take back home to mom then you are just fine...

November 29, 2008 at 11:01 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Marinka, all I can say is Za Vas!

November 30, 2008 at 1:13 AM  
Blogger Smart A$$ Mom said...

Wine at dinner beats the days of tequila shots with brunch, right?

November 30, 2008 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

OMG... I feel your pain. I remember when mine were younger and my husband had a beer, a single beer, my child mentioned it to others as if he were an alcoholic. You could always do what I know others do..... put it in a glass that you can't see through or coffee cup. LOL... On that note I think I will have a mimosa.

November 30, 2008 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

get your ass over to my blog. I left you a little something in my post.

November 30, 2008 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

A cheese ball? Never heard of such a thing. Hmm. Had you been drinking?

November 30, 2008 at 3:31 PM  
Anonymous kia (good enough mama) said...

So did you drink lots after that? And slur your words? And stumble around?

November 30, 2008 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

You definitely do not drink enough. Work on that. For the sake of your children.

November 30, 2008 at 8:27 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

It is those damn health classes. Mine freak out whenever I have a drink and it drives me nuts! And the crazier I get, the more I need to drink.

November 30, 2008 at 11:35 PM  
Blogger Braja said...

I forgot what I was going to say.....

December 1, 2008 at 12:12 AM  
Blogger Smartass Milf said...

Ever since I told my mother that I needed to lose 30 lbs she stares at every bite I take in front of her. Thus making the holidays very stressful for me, leading to more drinking.

December 1, 2008 at 11:31 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

Mothers...reading into things since 1852.

December 1, 2008 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger ms. changes pants while driving said...

maybe when she starts talking like that, you should put your hand in your pants.

December 1, 2008 at 6:51 PM  
Blogger heartatpreschool said...

Yes, you need to drink more. Really, what other conclusion could you come to after that?

December 2, 2008 at 2:52 PM  
Blogger K.Line said...

I've never drunk so much as since I had a kid. (And no, I'm not worried about alcoholism!) I just keep the hard drugs for after hours :-)

December 13, 2008 at 12:04 AM  

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