Days of Whine and Roses

Over Thanksgiving Weekend, after I finished the book I'd been reading and was reduced to leafing through my mother's back issues of "Better Home and Gardens" and studying their suggestions for how to build a better cheese ball (hint: half a cup of butter for every pound and a half to two pounds of cheese), mama asked me if my daughter ever asked me anything about alcohol.
"Like what?" I asked.
"She told me that she thinks that you're an alcoholic," she said.
"Really?" I put the magazine down, but only after turning down the corner of the cheese ball page.

I have been super sensitive about drinking lately because I read an article in a magazine about whether it's ok to drink in front of the kids or whether it's best not to. The article said that while it's ok to have an occasional glass of wine, the kids should also see you not having wine so that they can see that mom and dad can have fun without alcohol. I am really hoping that the first few hours of the morning count towards this alcohol-free fun time.

But I've been following the magazine's advice, because I need all the help I can get and God knows they wouldn't steer me wrong. Unfortunately, I chose Thanksgiving dinner as the time to show to my kids that I can have fun without alcohol. Looking back on it, I should have chosen a less stressful time to demonstrate this wine-less happiness to my kids, like for example, Armageddon. (Just kidding, our Thanksgiving was lovely and delicious.)

But I'm not sure that the kids noticed that I wasn't drinking.
What the fuck? What is the purpose of my doing Thanksgiving sober if I'm not getting credit for it.
"Ask me if I want some wine," I whispered to Husbandrinka.
"I know you're not having any," he said.
"Just.ask.me," I spoke through my teeth.
"What for?" He asked.
"For the sake of our children!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he ended our conversation. As a matter of fact, that's frequently how he ends our conversations. (Note to self: future blog post about better conversation enders).

I was on my own.
"I'm so happy to spend this Thanksgiving with all of you!" I raised my water glass in a toast. "Although it is customary to toast with wine, today I am toasting you with water. Because water is very delicious too and very...hydrating. And I am having fun! A lot of fun!"
Everyone was busy chewing but I think someone nodded. Or maybe they were gnawing at a bone or something.
Clearly I paid my non-wine drinking dues.

So when mama mentioned that my daughter was concerned about my drinking, my ears perked up.
"What did she say?" I asked.
"Oh, just that you have wine with dinner sometimes," she said. "But I know she's worried about alcoholism."
"Really? She just came out and said that?"
"Yes, she's worried."
"What were you talking about before she said that?"
"I don't remember."
"You remember everything, like an elephant."
"Oh, I think I asked her if you ever have wine and she said, 'yes, at dinner sometimes.'"

Sometimes I think that I don't drink enough.