Vote for me!
Well, that's about to change, because I have a huge favor to demand.
Please vote for me as The Next Celebrity. This is something that I think I'd excel at and something (that I now realize) I've always wanted.
If I am the Next Celebrity, here is what I promise:
1. The US Weekly "they're just like us" spread will be just like looking in the mirror.
2. I know you're busy, so I guarantee that you will not have to spend one second of your precious time worrying that I'm "anorexic".
3. I have no talent (so don't forget to vote for me in the "Famous for doing absolutely nothing" category!) so I won't be a drain on your wallet--no movies to see, tv shows to watch or cds to buy! win-win-win!
4. I am at the hag threshold so you won't have to worry that I will have more babies and the incessant media coverage that surrounds that.
5. If I get befriended by Angelina, I'll totally spill all her secrets to you on this blog. I won't even blink (Team Aniston, baby!)
6. If Jen Aniston confides in me, I'll totally spill all her secrets to you on this blog. (Self promoting whore, Marinka, baby!)
7. I'm pretty sure that my new found celebrity will help me remain Permanently Intoxicated (See, #1, above).
8. I won't do that celebrity "my kids are not materialistic and love to play with sticks and rocks" crap. You will only see my children with the Wii remote melded into their hands.
9. I will totally make sure that my cat Nicki gets her own reality show! Watch as Nicki sneezes! Breaks a whisker! What could be more wholesome for the whole family?
10. If numbers 1-9, above are not sufficient for you, then you have really unrealistic celebrity expectations and I feel sorry for you.
Oh, and I have no idea about these election laws that we have in this country, so you'll probably have to contact your Congressman or chain yourself to the Capital to demand some answers about protocol. But I'm sure you'll agree that it's the least that you can do.
Labels: Everyone is insane