Friday, February 13, 2009

Fukkitall and the Octuplet Mom

Hi, it's me, Marinka! Remember how yesterday I said that I wasn't going to post until Monday? A lie!  Really, you can't be too surprised, now, can you?  

I really think that sometimes the world is divided into two types of people--those who can't stand Robin Williams because he's too manic and those that have a good sense of humor. Guess where I fall?  My favorite Robin Williams moment is his discussing the overmedication of America and suggests a new drug--"Fuckitall".

Know who had some?

The octuplets mom. I have not been following the story, but I feel like the story has been following me. Here is what I know--she has a set of older twins, she was an only child and always wanted a large family (as in many children, not chunky ones), she got artificially inseminated, she paid for the artificial insemination by using money from her disability payments, she receives food stamps and some other forms of aid because two of her older children have some medical issues, she plans to support herself by applying for federal grants/aid while she pursues a degree in social work, she put her kids' pictures on a website to ask people to give them money.


Why do I love this woman? For the same reason that I love most people who are in the news--she makes me look fantastic.

Sure, I may be sort of a slacker mom, but compared to her, I'm emptying all the shelf space in my house for all those mother of the year awards I'll be getting.

The blogosphere has been seething over her--how dare she. She's crazy, she's selfish, she's obviously had plastic surgery and how dare she deny it.

Who gives a shit?  She just birthed a litter of babies, lied about her plastic surgery and is about to have the taxpayers fill a few landfills with her kids' diapers.  Seriously, if  we could Schadenfreude any more over her we'd be in a state of a perpetual orgasm.  
And it's now over yet.  Because when her kids are old enough for sleepovers, there will be no dosage of Fukkitall high enough to help her.



Blogger phd in yogurtry said...

If she herself isn't receiving SSI disability for some kinda mental disorder .. delusions of mother who lived in a shoe? then she will be once these babies are released from the hospital.

February 13, 2009 at 12:12 AM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I love you for using schadenfreude in your post. That and for telling me that that woman had plastic surgery. How did I miss this new plot twist?

I'm going to start clearing space for my awards, too!! This lady is makin' my job EASY.

February 13, 2009 at 12:16 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I find the whole thing to be quite freaky, but now that you mention it, I look like a f#cking saint!

I'm still really creeped out by her lips, though. *shudder*

February 13, 2009 at 12:56 AM  
Blogger I'm Julie said...

NOT that it's any of MY business, and of course who am I to judge and blah blah etc., but FOR THE RECORD, she had SIX children at home, now she will have FOURTEEN children at home.

And I think Robin Williams is a frikken genius. "I love cocaine because it intensifies my personality." "Yeah, but what if your personality is a total asshole?"

February 13, 2009 at 1:22 AM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

That woman is batshit crazy.

I once say a movie with Robin Williams. Well, we just happened to be in the same movie theater, but whatever. I knew it was him as soon as I saw him in the popcorn line. He was standing with his legs apart and has his hands clasped behind his back. It was the Mork stance. I wish I could remember what movie it was.

February 13, 2009 at 1:25 AM  
Blogger PinkLizzy said...


Big kisses for Marinka cos she's a freaking genius of non judgementalism and hilarity!

February 13, 2009 at 1:47 AM  
Blogger Imogen Lamport said...

pass me the fukkitall bottle of wine

February 13, 2009 at 2:19 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I love Robin Williams. I can barely cope with 2 kids never mind 14. Her lips are quite strange!

February 13, 2009 at 2:27 AM  
Blogger Julia@SometimesLucid said...

MY favorite Robin Williams is the pick-up come back line. Woman - "Fuck Off", Robin - "Fuckov, are you russian?"

About the crazy psycho - WTF??? After 6 kids, how could you even want one more????

February 13, 2009 at 2:30 AM  
Blogger Threeboys1mommy said...

I have a feeling we'll be paying for Octo-moms private body guard soon.

February 13, 2009 at 2:45 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

If I confessed to finding Robin Williams a trifle irritating would you place a contract on my head?

The only thing that bugs me about the story is the lying.

February 13, 2009 at 3:18 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

If I confessed to finding Robin Williams a trifle irritating would you place a contract on my head?

The only thing that bugs me about the story is the lying.

February 13, 2009 at 3:18 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Nanu, nanu. And ditto on what you said.

February 13, 2009 at 5:48 AM  
Blogger Jan said...

When this story first broke I told everyone that would listen to me that this was going to be REAL interesting. I certainly don't agree with the death threats, etc. but she is a nut. Those lips are something else too.

February 13, 2009 at 6:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're so right - I should be thanking her. By comparison I'm doing fan-reaking-tastic. I'll be sure to remain my MIL next time she complains.

February 13, 2009 at 7:11 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Couldn't keep your fingers off the keyboard, could you?
What's with the whining? Did Nicki keep you up all night?

February 13, 2009 at 7:18 AM  
Anonymous Coco said...

Her own mother said she told her that when she came home she would not be there. Can you imagine...she is already at home with her six other children under the age of 7. I don't think I could take enough xanex to get through that. Then throw in 8 babies that are premature. I would def need an economy size of fukkitall.


February 13, 2009 at 8:00 AM  
Blogger A New England Life said...

Damn, I could use a good dose of Fukkitall myself right now with my teenage daughter! Just so long as it doesn't include a litter of kids and plastic surgery.

Thank you for giving me a snicker this morning Marinka. God knows I could use it!!!

February 13, 2009 at 8:04 AM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

Did you see Avenue Q? Immediately thought of the schadenfreude number, and I was feeling all psyched mentally my brilliant usage of the word while preparing my comment, and then you used it in the post.

Ah, the incomparable genius of Marinka.

February 13, 2009 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

I've long thought that most people who have plastic surgery would be better off spending the money on therapy to help them cope with the facts that: a) human beings aren't flawlessly beautiful and b) you're going to get old, so deal with it.

I now feel validated. Therapy would have been by far the better investment for this chick.

February 13, 2009 at 8:16 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

She does make me look good, doesn't she? I've got a few shelves to clear as well.

February 13, 2009 at 8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obviously, she has the right idea. Take all you can, then leave the world littered with a few more kids. Who I am sure, will be highly achieving humans.

How the fukkkk is she ever going to be able to help that many kids with timeline projects and algebra homework?!

February 13, 2009 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

First off I'd like to thank the Mother of the Year Committee for this award and secondly I'd like to thank the octo-mom for showing the committee that the rest of us moms are acutally quite sane. Again, I thank you.

I have 3 kids at home - 12, 9 and 7 PLUS Hubby's two older kids (19 & 17) from his first marraiage...I figured out after my youngest was born exactly what caused it and had it fixed...14 kids and she expects to stay sane?!?!?! Please pass me the Patron...

February 13, 2009 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

Maybe I'm the only one who hasn't seen a photo of her but I had no idea about the plastic surgery. My favorite part of this whole story was hearing that her mother or father told a report that "she's not bringing all them kids to live with us anymore"....what kind of parent says that? I agree, we all look like parents of the year compared to these people.

February 13, 2009 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I've just been sorta "meh" about the whole dealio.

February 13, 2009 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

I imagine sleepovers will be a horror in that home. Ya think she'll have a separate birthday party for each kid or all at once?

February 13, 2009 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

She would be a great social worker.

February 13, 2009 at 9:48 AM  
Blogger Joanie said...

I want to see her try to change diapers, and feed all those babies by herself. Of course, that won't happen, because there will be those who will want to share in her celebrity and help her.

February 13, 2009 at 10:06 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

Wait, I should get an award too!

Seriously, what makes me nuts is that she's giving IVF a REALLY bad name - which has the potential to backfire on run-of-the-mill infertiles, like me. Three IVFs got me one baby.

February 13, 2009 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Pink in a sea of blue said...

What I'm wondering is how she plans to get her tummy tuck (you know she's already planning for it)
with all the media swarm surrounding her? Botox in lips should be against the law! Freaks me out. She wants to be a social Worker? Please. She just needs a few sent to her house. Like yesterday!

February 13, 2009 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger K.Line said...

OK, just bottle feeding the 8 new ones will take approximately 2 hours (15 min per). Then, changing in between and she's back to feeding. Never mind the other kids. Never mind bathing anyone or sleeping or giving them attention. Or cleaning the frickin' house. Or assisting the special needs children with their special needs.

A daycare would be required to staff with 3-4 EECs - just for the 8 newborns.

This whole thing is a travesty.

But fuck if it doesn't make me look like mother of the year too.

February 13, 2009 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

You are a genius. Brialliant I say. This is the most insightful and interesting spin on this that has been produced to date.

I *heart* Robin Williams.

February 13, 2009 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger Smores for Breakfast said...

yay! I'm glad you posted!
I like Robin Williams. I think he'nothin' shy of brilliant.

As for the crazy mom, its the worst plastic surgery i've ever seen.

February 13, 2009 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Her life is a perpetual sleepover. It's like the definition of hell.

Oh, wait. So is mine. But not as bad as hers. Nah, naney boo boo.

(please send fuckitall)

February 13, 2009 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

She is a sick woman who most likely had those babies to become a millionaire. Book deals, tv shows, movies, etc. DCFS should get involved and get those babies to parents who CAN take care of them and give them what they need.

February 13, 2009 at 1:23 PM  
Anonymous Jane said...

Don't even get me started!!!

I can't have kids, can't afford the procedures, and we have been waiting for 3 years to adopt!!!

I want to smack her right in her Angelia Jolie lips!! No person in the world can take care of 14 children!!!

She's a freak!! I hope somebody steps in!!!

Remember that Holly Hunter, Nick Cage movie, "Hyde get me a toddler"!!! ......just saying!

February 13, 2009 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Now is Fukkitall prescription or over the counter? Because I could use it, too, and I only have three kids.

February 13, 2009 at 1:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's ridiculous. There's no way she can effectively give the necessary love and care to ALL those children, even if she was the sanest person on the planet which she's obviously not. It just makes me sad for all those babies.

February 13, 2009 at 2:42 PM  
Blogger heartatpreschool said...

I blame TLC. They make having tons of kids look like a good career move.

Also, I've been taking Fuckitall, and feeling FANTASTIC! I usually combine it with a dose of Weareallscrewedanyway, and it just works wonders.

February 13, 2009 at 4:03 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

yeah, she's brilliant. And, in a pinch, she can use those lips of hers to, um, well, stand in for Angelina????

February 13, 2009 at 4:36 PM  
Blogger Ronda's Rants said...

I can't help but think...Ain't America great! Because this could only happen in the good ole USA!

February 13, 2009 at 4:41 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

I've been laughing about this whackjob mama all week. Go figure why you'd have 6 kids at home and want to birth a whole 'nuther litter. She needs something stronger than Fukkitall for what comes next.

February 13, 2009 at 5:20 PM  
Blogger lizspin said...

Thanks for the giggles. . .just imagine her stretch marks!!!

February 13, 2009 at 5:23 PM  
Blogger pam said...

I've just recently found this site and you crack me the Fukkitall up!

February 13, 2009 at 5:34 PM  
Blogger Madge said...

i'm with you. i look like a goddess of a mother next to this woman. i think this gets me out of cleaning the house for a year or two.

February 13, 2009 at 5:44 PM  
Blogger musing said...

Ah, Robin Williams. One of my favorite shticks by him is where he impersonates a smart kid:

February 13, 2009 at 6:10 PM  
Blogger Braja said...

Doesn't take much to make you look good.

Wait. Was that a compliment?

February 13, 2009 at 6:38 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

I knew there was ONE reason I liked her

February 13, 2009 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger Temple said...

Socialism at it's best, baby. And seriously, WTF is she thinking? Oh wait...she can't actually be thinking...

And you are a superhero anyway--without the crazies for comparison :)

February 13, 2009 at 7:58 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

I have no comment about that woman. I really don't. Everyone else has something to say....I wish for once they'd have nothing to say. Who ARE all these peopl that think their opinions are worth shit?? LOL Thanks for pointing out the only good to come of all this crap.

February 13, 2009 at 9:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

J.R. and I have said more than once this week that we need to have a few more kids so that we can afford the ones we have already. I've already used Clomid and I hear that's the gateway drug to IVF.

And I like Robin Williams until I saw part of that motorhome movie on TV one weekend. Tragic.

February 13, 2009 at 11:29 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I love Robin Williams.

And I refuse to utter one syllable about the octupussy mommy cause the whole nation is already spending enough on her.

February 14, 2009 at 10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought you might enjoy this article...,28383,25056414-10230,00.html

Oh, and Joanie...I'd love to hear how she makes out with feedings. She claims she is going to breastfeed. All of them. Hello...two boobs, 8 kids. Do the math. She won't be able to eat, sleep, or pee without having one attached.

February 14, 2009 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger ella said...

Ain't nothing like some crazy ass freak to make you feel like the best parent on earth. I'll drink to that!

February 14, 2009 at 8:57 PM  
Blogger Keyona said...

I couldn't agree more. Just an example of letting taxpayers take care of your kids FOR you.

February 14, 2009 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

Okay, I have four kids and have no problem with the idea of having more as long as I didn't have to carry them in my body. I just honest to goodness think the worst thing about having children is the being pregnant part.

That said, this woman has delusions. I know there is really something psychologically wrong with her. And the doctor who implanted her should be found out and have his/her license revoked. This was a highly unethical situation.

February 15, 2009 at 12:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with you. This woman makes me look fanfuckingtastick! Especially since I just found out that I got knocked up and am worried about what the hell we're gonna do! But it's okay at least I'm not about to bring home 8 of 14 total children to live in a 3 bedroom house. And I'm married, lol!

February 15, 2009 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Jannie Funster said...

"not chunky children," lol!

February 15, 2009 at 4:43 PM  
Blogger Mariah said...

I live close enough to the hospital where the octopus babies are, I could sneak in and take pictures and then sell the pictures to the media and with all my new cash I could fly out to NY and you and I could share a bottle of fuckitall pills. And dance.

February 15, 2009 at 6:27 PM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Fuckitall should be intravenous. And I think the Octomom is getting the attention she wants and is merely a sign of our weird celebrity at all costs society. Fankly, I like her better than Ms Hilton. Jagger lips and all.

February 16, 2009 at 11:35 AM  

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