Fukkitall and the Octuplet Mom
Hi, it's me, Marinka! Remember how yesterday I said that I wasn't going to post until Monday? A lie! Really, you can't be too surprised, now, can you?
Know who had some?
The octuplets mom. I have not been following the story, but I feel like the story has been following me. Here is what I know--she has a set of older twins, she was an only child and always wanted a large family (as in many children, not chunky ones), she got artificially inseminated, she paid for the artificial insemination by using money from her disability payments, she receives food stamps and some other forms of aid because two of her older children have some medical issues, she plans to support herself by applying for federal grants/aid while she pursues a degree in social work, she put her kids' pictures on a website to ask people to give them money.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN.
Why do I love this woman? For the same reason that I love most people who are in the news--she makes me look fantastic.
Sure, I may be sort of a slacker mom, but compared to her, I'm emptying all the shelf space in my house for all those mother of the year awards I'll be getting.
The blogosphere has been seething over her--how dare she. She's crazy, she's selfish, she's obviously had plastic surgery and how dare she deny it.
Who gives a shit? She just birthed a litter of babies, lied about her plastic surgery and is about to have the taxpayers fill a few landfills with her kids' diapers. Seriously, if we could Schadenfreude any more over her we'd be in a state of a perpetual orgasm.
The octuplets mom. I have not been following the story, but I feel like the story has been following me. Here is what I know--she has a set of older twins, she was an only child and always wanted a large family (as in many children, not chunky ones), she got artificially inseminated, she paid for the artificial insemination by using money from her disability payments, she receives food stamps and some other forms of aid because two of her older children have some medical issues, she plans to support herself by applying for federal grants/aid while she pursues a degree in social work, she put her kids' pictures on a website to ask people to give them money.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN.
Why do I love this woman? For the same reason that I love most people who are in the news--she makes me look fantastic.
Sure, I may be sort of a slacker mom, but compared to her, I'm emptying all the shelf space in my house for all those mother of the year awards I'll be getting.
The blogosphere has been seething over her--how dare she. She's crazy, she's selfish, she's obviously had plastic surgery and how dare she deny it.
Who gives a shit? She just birthed a litter of babies, lied about her plastic surgery and is about to have the taxpayers fill a few landfills with her kids' diapers. Seriously, if we could Schadenfreude any more over her we'd be in a state of a perpetual orgasm.
And it's now over yet. Because when her kids are old enough for sleepovers, there will be no dosage of Fukkitall high enough to help her.
Labels: Everyone is insane
posted by Marinka at
12:01 AM
60 Comments:
If she herself isn't receiving SSI disability for some kinda mental disorder .. delusions of mother who lived in a shoe? then she will be once these babies are released from the hospital.
I love you for using schadenfreude in your post. That and for telling me that that woman had plastic surgery. How did I miss this new plot twist?
I'm going to start clearing space for my awards, too!! This lady is makin' my job EASY.
I find the whole thing to be quite freaky, but now that you mention it, I look like a f#cking saint!
I'm still really creeped out by her lips, though. *shudder*
NOT that it's any of MY business, and of course who am I to judge and blah blah etc., but FOR THE RECORD, she had SIX children at home, now she will have FOURTEEN children at home.
And I think Robin Williams is a frikken genius. "I love cocaine because it intensifies my personality." "Yeah, but what if your personality is a total asshole?"
That woman is batshit crazy.
I once say a movie with Robin Williams. Well, we just happened to be in the same movie theater, but whatever. I knew it was him as soon as I saw him in the popcorn line. He was standing with his legs apart and has his hands clasped behind his back. It was the Mork stance. I wish I could remember what movie it was.
Mwaaaaah!
Big kisses for Marinka cos she's a freaking genius of non judgementalism and hilarity!
pass me the fukkitall bottle of wine
I love Robin Williams. I can barely cope with 2 kids never mind 14. Her lips are quite strange!
MY favorite Robin Williams is the pick-up come back line. Woman - "Fuck Off", Robin - "Fuckov, are you russian?"
About the crazy psycho - WTF??? After 6 kids, how could you even want one more????
I have a feeling we'll be paying for Octo-moms private body guard soon.
If I confessed to finding Robin Williams a trifle irritating would you place a contract on my head?
The only thing that bugs me about the story is the lying.
If I confessed to finding Robin Williams a trifle irritating would you place a contract on my head?
The only thing that bugs me about the story is the lying.
Nanu, nanu. And ditto on what you said.
When this story first broke I told everyone that would listen to me that this was going to be REAL interesting. I certainly don't agree with the death threats, etc. but she is a nut. Those lips are something else too.
You're so right - I should be thanking her. By comparison I'm doing fan-reaking-tastic. I'll be sure to remain my MIL next time she complains.
Couldn't keep your fingers off the keyboard, could you?
What's with the whining? Did Nicki keep you up all night?
Her own mother said she told her that when she came home she would not be there. Can you imagine...she is already at home with her six other children under the age of 7. I don't think I could take enough xanex to get through that. Then throw in 8 babies that are premature. I would def need an economy size of fukkitall.
Coco
Damn, I could use a good dose of Fukkitall myself right now with my teenage daughter! Just so long as it doesn't include a litter of kids and plastic surgery.
Thank you for giving me a snicker this morning Marinka. God knows I could use it!!!
Did you see Avenue Q? Immediately thought of the schadenfreude number, and I was feeling all psyched mentally my brilliant usage of the word while preparing my comment, and then you used it in the post.
Ah, the incomparable genius of Marinka.
I've long thought that most people who have plastic surgery would be better off spending the money on therapy to help them cope with the facts that: a) human beings aren't flawlessly beautiful and b) you're going to get old, so deal with it.
I now feel validated. Therapy would have been by far the better investment for this chick.
She does make me look good, doesn't she? I've got a few shelves to clear as well.
Obviously, she has the right idea. Take all you can, then leave the world littered with a few more kids. Who I am sure, will be highly achieving humans.
How the fukkkk is she ever going to be able to help that many kids with timeline projects and algebra homework?!
First off I'd like to thank the Mother of the Year Committee for this award and secondly I'd like to thank the octo-mom for showing the committee that the rest of us moms are acutally quite sane. Again, I thank you.
I have 3 kids at home - 12, 9 and 7 PLUS Hubby's two older kids (19 & 17) from his first marraiage...I figured out after my youngest was born exactly what caused it and had it fixed...14 kids and she expects to stay sane?!?!?! Please pass me the Patron...
Maybe I'm the only one who hasn't seen a photo of her but I had no idea about the plastic surgery. My favorite part of this whole story was hearing that her mother or father told a report that "she's not bringing all them kids to live with us anymore"....what kind of parent says that? I agree, we all look like parents of the year compared to these people.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I've just been sorta "meh" about the whole dealio.
Ha!
I imagine sleepovers will be a horror in that home. Ya think she'll have a separate birthday party for each kid or all at once?
She would be a great social worker.
I want to see her try to change diapers, and feed all those babies by herself. Of course, that won't happen, because there will be those who will want to share in her celebrity and help her.
Wait, I should get an award too!
Seriously, what makes me nuts is that she's giving IVF a REALLY bad name - which has the potential to backfire on run-of-the-mill infertiles, like me. Three IVFs got me one baby.
What I'm wondering is how she plans to get her tummy tuck (you know she's already planning for it)
with all the media swarm surrounding her? Botox in lips should be against the law! Freaks me out. She wants to be a social Worker? Please. She just needs a few sent to her house. Like yesterday!
OK, just bottle feeding the 8 new ones will take approximately 2 hours (15 min per). Then, changing in between and she's back to feeding. Never mind the other kids. Never mind bathing anyone or sleeping or giving them attention. Or cleaning the frickin' house. Or assisting the special needs children with their special needs.
A daycare would be required to staff with 3-4 EECs - just for the 8 newborns.
This whole thing is a travesty.
But fuck if it doesn't make me look like mother of the year too.
You are a genius. Brialliant I say. This is the most insightful and interesting spin on this that has been produced to date.
I *heart* Robin Williams.
yay! I'm glad you posted!
I like Robin Williams. I think he'nothin' shy of brilliant.
As for the crazy mom, its the worst plastic surgery i've ever seen.
Her life is a perpetual sleepover. It's like the definition of hell.
Oh, wait. So is mine. But not as bad as hers. Nah, naney boo boo.
(please send fuckitall)
She is a sick woman who most likely had those babies to become a millionaire. Book deals, tv shows, movies, etc. DCFS should get involved and get those babies to parents who CAN take care of them and give them what they need.
Don't even get me started!!!
I can't have kids, can't afford the procedures, and we have been waiting for 3 years to adopt!!!
I want to smack her right in her Angelia Jolie lips!! No person in the world can take care of 14 children!!!
She's a freak!! I hope somebody steps in!!!
Remember that Holly Hunter, Nick Cage movie, "Hyde get me a toddler"!!! ......just saying!
Now is Fukkitall prescription or over the counter? Because I could use it, too, and I only have three kids.
It's ridiculous. There's no way she can effectively give the necessary love and care to ALL those children, even if she was the sanest person on the planet which she's obviously not. It just makes me sad for all those babies.
I blame TLC. They make having tons of kids look like a good career move.
Also, I've been taking Fuckitall, and feeling FANTASTIC! I usually combine it with a dose of Weareallscrewedanyway, and it just works wonders.
yeah, she's brilliant. And, in a pinch, she can use those lips of hers to, um, well, stand in for Angelina????
I can't help but think...Ain't America great! Because this could only happen in the good ole USA!
I've been laughing about this whackjob mama all week. Go figure why you'd have 6 kids at home and want to birth a whole 'nuther litter. She needs something stronger than Fukkitall for what comes next.
Thanks for the giggles. . .just imagine her stretch marks!!!
I've just recently found this site and you crack me the Fukkitall up!
i'm with you. i look like a goddess of a mother next to this woman. i think this gets me out of cleaning the house for a year or two.
Ah, Robin Williams. One of my favorite shticks by him is where he impersonates a smart kid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRie_cRxFfY
Doesn't take much to make you look good.
Wait. Was that a compliment?
I knew there was ONE reason I liked her
Socialism at it's best, baby. And seriously, WTF is she thinking? Oh wait...she can't actually be thinking...
And you are a superhero anyway--without the crazies for comparison :)
I have no comment about that woman. I really don't. Everyone else has something to say....I wish for once they'd have nothing to say. Who ARE all these peopl that think their opinions are worth shit?? LOL Thanks for pointing out the only good to come of all this crap.
J.R. and I have said more than once this week that we need to have a few more kids so that we can afford the ones we have already. I've already used Clomid and I hear that's the gateway drug to IVF.
And I like Robin Williams until I saw part of that motorhome movie on TV one weekend. Tragic.
I love Robin Williams.
And I refuse to utter one syllable about the octupussy mommy cause the whole nation is already spending enough on her.
Thought you might enjoy this article...
http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,28383,25056414-10230,00.html
Oh, and Joanie...I'd love to hear how she makes out with feedings. She claims she is going to breastfeed. All of them. Hello...two boobs, 8 kids. Do the math. She won't be able to eat, sleep, or pee without having one attached.
Ain't nothing like some crazy ass freak to make you feel like the best parent on earth. I'll drink to that!
I couldn't agree more. Just an example of letting taxpayers take care of your kids FOR you.
Okay, I have four kids and have no problem with the idea of having more as long as I didn't have to carry them in my body. I just honest to goodness think the worst thing about having children is the being pregnant part.
That said, this woman has delusions. I know there is really something psychologically wrong with her. And the doctor who implanted her should be found out and have his/her license revoked. This was a highly unethical situation.
I agree with you. This woman makes me look fanfuckingtastick! Especially since I just found out that I got knocked up and am worried about what the hell we're gonna do! But it's okay at least I'm not about to bring home 8 of 14 total children to live in a 3 bedroom house. And I'm married, lol!
"not chunky children," lol!
I live close enough to the hospital where the octopus babies are, I could sneak in and take pictures and then sell the pictures to the media and with all my new cash I could fly out to NY and you and I could share a bottle of fuckitall pills. And dance.
Fuckitall should be intravenous. And I think the Octomom is getting the attention she wants and is merely a sign of our weird celebrity at all costs society. Fankly, I like her better than Ms Hilton. Jagger lips and all.
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