Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Holiday That Everyone Hates

I have a few important updates about Nicki, our feline companion. She has a cold. And she has fleas. Cold fleas. Husbandrinka doesn't know it. Well, I told him but he reacted badly, so I immediately took it back told him that I was kidding. So, now I'm in a middle of a stealth flea removal operation.

Nicki went to the vet today. We didn't have a carrier to take her to the vet, and no one liked my idea of just putting her into a cooler, so we went and bought a cardboard one for $7. When we finished congratuating ourselves on our frugality, and stuffed Nicki into the carrier, she Houdinied out of it in approximately twelve seconds. So we had to go back and buy a $90 one. We paid cash for it so that Husbandrinka wouldn't find the credit card receipt and we would be Suddenly Single, what with Valentine's Day around the corner and all.

We need to put drops into Nicki's eyes and give her medicine in her food and wash every fucking thing in the apartment. We are considering going into the witness protection program and starting fresh somewhere else. But without Husbandrinka, because he must not know about any of this. This concludes the Nicki update. We've had her for less than two weeks and already we are on the brink of bankruptcy and lying to everyone in sight.

The other news I have is that unfortunately I must once again revisit the comment policy because in response to my hypochondria post, Wendi and Anymommy suggested that there was a risk of cat scratch fever and the Black Death plague, respectively. They are both now banned from the blog. Look people, I am a hypochondriac. It means that you don't suggest diseases to me. Because that's teasing and morally wrong and Jesus hates people who do that. And so does Obama.

So Valentine's Day is coming up. "Yay". In celebration, I posted a big fat Valentine's Day inspired celebrity whine over at That Other Blog.

Also, I'm taking the next couple of days off (unless something exciting happens!) but I'll be back on Monday with a new blogging adventure that I'll call Mortification Monday. That's where I share humiliating episodes from my life. I predict that it will run for 2,009 consecutive Mondays.

Have a great weekend!


Anonymous Kibbles said...

I wanted to say something, but it says I cant give Husbandrinka ammo...

Oh, what the heck.

Cats suck.
(sorry Nicki and friends)

February 12, 2009 at 12:14 AM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Fortunately, Jesus and I were already on the outs. The whole Jewish thing. He's mean like that.

February 12, 2009 at 12:43 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

You are hilarious!

My kids are hypochondriacs. My fourteen year old son was so sure he had a testicular torsion that he dropped his britches and let us fondle his balls. We then went back and forth from the car to the house three times, because he just wasn't positive whether or not we needed to go to the ER. Come to find out, he had been reading about Testicular torsion on Wikipedia and suddenly had every damn symptom.

Listen, I will back you on this. It is real. If my private, modest child is letting us squeeze his scrotum, that tells you the power of suggestion. Or the power of wikipedia.

BTW-If Nicki needs a new home, I will take her!

February 12, 2009 at 1:23 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

Husbandrinka doesn't know and I need money. Hmmmm,, I think I have a plan brewing.

February 12, 2009 at 1:46 AM  
Blogger Maggie May said...

cats make you broke liars = do not attempt to get a dog. you will be involved in illegal circus acts and lose all your hair.

February 12, 2009 at 1:48 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

I have three things to say.

1) Send Nicki out to work, she can pay her own medi-bills.

2) If the fleas are cold then make the buggers little jackets.

3) Why isn't she called Nickirinka?

February 12, 2009 at 2:20 AM  
Blogger momcat said...

Get the flea treatment (liquid) that you put on the back of kitty's neck. It lasts for a month and works like a bomb. Ask the vet. Its not too expensive if you only have one cat. I've got 12 at home if you include my latest 4 kittens!!! Does that make you feel better.

February 12, 2009 at 2:24 AM  
Blogger Jaywalker said...

I'm running a competition for the most truthful personal Valentine message over at mine. The winner gets the message carved on a vegetable. So far, I'm loving:

"When my drunk best friend who you think is hot jumped you (twice), you said no, even though I would never have known. Thanks. No, a threesome is not on the cards."

Come! Join in!

My husbandrinka still hates the dog. I'm going to have to join you in witness protection.

February 12, 2009 at 3:23 AM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

That cat's going to be the end of you, I just know it!

Mortification Monday? Genius. I could totally get on board with that.

February 12, 2009 at 4:45 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

So how do you hide the cash from him? My husband is obsessed with every penny and it all must be documented.

February 12, 2009 at 7:48 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

I hate to bring this up, what with the posting rules and all, but I heard cat fleas (especially cold cat fleas), can cause their owners to develop anal fissures. Probably from all that worrying about the $90 crate and the cost of cat meds. Just sayin'.

February 12, 2009 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Smores for Breakfast said...

what was wrong with throwing nicki in the cooler? I mean, obviously keep it open so the cat can breathe...

I can't wait til monday!

this year, I completely forgot about v-day. I can't believe I used to agonize over the stupid day and now I can't even remember it!

February 12, 2009 at 8:18 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

The good news is the fleas are gone, since she'll be an inside cat, she shouldn't be getting them back. And also, I can't believe a cat carrier was $90...our large dog crates weren't that much.

February 12, 2009 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Geez, that is one fecked up kitty cat! Trade it in for a new one ... or a Louis Vuitton bag. LV's don't catch fleas and Husbandrinka would go for it instantly. Heck, you may get 2 or 3 LV's out of the trade!

(Just kidding!)

February 12, 2009 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

Those little guys sneak into our lives, causing us to lie and spend money on their illnesses and expect us to love them anyway. I guess I am saying that about pets and men.

February 12, 2009 at 9:07 AM  
Anonymous Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

So glad I have been following along your kitty journey. My daughter has been campaigning HARD for one. So far, the dogs and I have held our ground. You're definitely giving us ammo :)

February 12, 2009 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

I want to see a picture of this $90 cat carrier; I bet it's rhinestone encrusted!

February 12, 2009 at 9:15 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Congatulations! Ha!
Don't say I didn't tell you...

February 12, 2009 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

BTW - I hope the dog gets on with Nicki.

February 12, 2009 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I forgot to mention the fact that cats suck every last penny from you for all their ailments. I dropped $1500 on my cat because he needed to have a sex change operation. I'm not even joking. His penis was blocked with some sort of crystals and they had to split it open and change it to girly parts. Seriously. This was supposed to take care of it, but we've been back every year or so for more "issues" with the damn crystals. Luckily it is a boy issue so Nikki is safe. No need to go all hypochondriac about this one. Hope I'm not banned.

February 12, 2009 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

Couldn't the vet just dip her? My dog got fleas once and we had him dipped. I didn't have to do it and no more fleas. Awesome.

February 12, 2009 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Leigh (Modern Mommy) said...

Oh, just remember that you and the kids will ALWAYS outnumber Husbandrinka on this one. And I'll miss you until Monday. I can always count on spitting my coffee out at the screen when reading your posts.

February 12, 2009 at 10:36 AM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I love how you took the fleas back by saying you were kidding. I wonder if I could do that with a new car.

Honey, I just bought a Lexus.


Just kidding... just stay out of the garage for awhile.

February 12, 2009 at 11:13 AM  
Blogger Deb said...


What are we supposed to do without you? Did you consider this? To make up for it, you are going to have to participate in my contest. Come visit and vote by Friday. Jesus wants you to.

February 12, 2009 at 11:20 AM  
Blogger Madge said...

husbandrinka and my husband should get together and tell cat hating stories. i can't help that one showed up on my door step three months ago...

February 12, 2009 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger K.Line said...

OMG - I feel your itchy, scratchy pain, M. It's secrets and lies on Vday weekend. The best kind!

February 12, 2009 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Ok so here is the exact reason why I love dogs!

For a giggle come and stop by and enter my Valentine's Day contest.

February 12, 2009 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

A cat adopted us by climbing in through a broken basement window, and then a few weeks later brought home a kitten. (Don't worry, no need to ban me: this happened out in the country; you are safe from this in the city.) The kitten had fleas. We found out because we found a flea on our dog. We sprayed the dog all over with flea spray, flea bombed the house, etc. etc. The dog, furious with us for spraying her with something that didn't taste nice to lick, chewed up all four legs of our dining room table while we were out that afternoon.

Moral: A cat with fleas costs $97 plus the vet bill. A dog with fleas costs a dining room table.

Husbandrinka should kiss you for choosing a cat.

February 12, 2009 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Well, since those two have been banned, I think I deserve some type of special blog access since I never give comment ammo. Whatever the opposite of blog banned is.

February 12, 2009 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Just to prove my point...


I never have to spend money at the vet other than their rabies shot. Obviously Jesus loves me.

We even handle fleas with those old flea collars that vets tell you won't work. Neither do those expensive ass drops they sell you. They made my cats sick. Seriously.

Once you get the fleas gone, it'll be easy to control because Nicki won't be going outside. You just gotta get all of the pet store funk out of her system and she'll be fine.

Now where's my Support Marinka award?

February 12, 2009 at 12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck with the stealth mission. Once the initial stuff passes it should get easier.

February 12, 2009 at 1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank God for allergies. Though when I was little I tried to hide a cat in my room... I think it was the hyperventilating that tipped the parents off. :)

February 12, 2009 at 1:39 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

What did you do go to fucking Sacs for your cat carrier? Here in the midwest... $12.00 at the Walmartz

February 12, 2009 at 3:18 PM  
Blogger Braja said...

Snap out of your reverie, you lazy bitch: something exciting DID just happen. I got here. Now blog, woman...

February 12, 2009 at 3:27 PM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

one of your google ads reads: "cat diseases - a full local resource to cat diseases here." i'm not certain that falls within the boundaries of your comment policy. and i would not be surprised if wendy were behind that.

February 12, 2009 at 3:49 PM  
Blogger ella said...

Oh I can't wait for Monday. I can match you, humiliation for humiliation indefinitly.

Only in Manhattan would a cat carrier cost $90. What ever happened to using a pillow case?

Once the cat is big enough, the Advantage Drops work great.

February 12, 2009 at 4:56 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I'm sorry but your "situation" is hilarious. I tried not to laugh but I just couldn't contain myself. Hope the cat feels better and you don't have to go into witness protection. LOL

February 12, 2009 at 5:34 PM  
Blogger Abbey said...

The cheapest and most effective flea fix I have found is to spread Borax (laundry soap) on carpeted areas. Leave it on for a few hours (or as long as you can) and then vaccuum it up. It kills the live fleas and their eggs.

Bonus is you can claim you were feeling domestic in honor of valentines day and not have admit the real reason for the cleaning.

February 12, 2009 at 6:27 PM  
Blogger Maura said...

It's about time someone banned that bitch, Anymommy! She keeps swiping my comments.

No, wait, that could get me banned, too.

Let's just say that I know what she does to little kittens when no one is looking.

February 12, 2009 at 6:31 PM  
Blogger phd in yogurtry said...

damn, that sounds worse than head lice!

February 12, 2009 at 6:57 PM  
Blogger iMommy said...

Fleas? Cats don't get fleas, silly Marinka. Obviously. Haven't you told Husbandrinka that, yet?

February 12, 2009 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Jan said...

Looking forward to Mortification Monday. I might have some to match.

February 12, 2009 at 9:38 PM  
Blogger Jan said...

Looking forward to Mortification Monday. I might have some to match.

February 12, 2009 at 9:38 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Fleas are the WORST. You seriously have to move. Immediately. And in case you happen to be in the market, we're selling our apartment.

February 12, 2009 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Maybe you need some of those Eucalyptus smelling tissues for Nicki's cold and the fleas will smell the Eucalyptus and jump off. What do you think?

February 12, 2009 at 10:57 PM  
Blogger Threeboys1mommy said...

You're kicking folks off now! That's bad ass! I don't blame you, serves them right for not following the rules!

I'm on blog vacation too, we should go on a Twitter cruise together. Call me!

February 12, 2009 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger Temple said...

Poor kitty...hope stealth flea removal goes well!

February 13, 2009 at 7:59 PM  

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