Weekend in Review

This weekend, my kids went to the dacha with my parents. Dacha is a Russian word that means "summer house out in the countryside" where many Russians would go to stay on the weekends. Or maybe in the summer. Not all at the same house, everyone would have their own house. I don't mean that every person in Russia had their own house, but people who did, called it dacha.

Anyway, my parents' house, I mean, dacha is upstate and it's beautiful there, and the only drawback is that it doesn't have a TV or high speed internet and also that sometimes when Americans pronounce "dacha" they make it sound like Dachau, which is a very different type of place, lack of TV/high speed internet notwithstanding.

Originally, Husbandrinka and I were going to come up on Sunday morning, after he returned from a Caribbean business trip (not pirate related) but then we woke up on Sunday and said "snow!" and decided not to risk our lives driving. Husbandrinka was all, "I really miss the kids" and I was all, "I get to watch Rock of Love Bus tonight LIVE!"

So I spent the whole weekend lounging and watching mindless television. In addition to Rock of Love, John and I watched (over the phone) Parental Control, an MTV show where parents who hate their kid's significant other try to find them a better fit, The Bachelor and Mama's Boys. My IQ is now in the single digits, if single digits means very low. I don't even know anymore.

But it was completely relaxing and I loved every second of it. But of course because I am always yearning for more knowledge, I have questions. I'll limit it to three because it's Inauguration Tuesday and we're all celebrating.

1. The girls on Rock of Love Bus. Specifically, their breasts. Under what circumstances does a woman go from like a B cut to a ZZZ? Do normal women do this, or just the ones looking for a career in porn? (And can I just say that compared to the whores on the Rock of Love Bus, The Bachelor girls are positively high society).

2. So the big reveal is that one of the girls on Mama's Boys is Penthouse Pet of the Year. Am I insane or is this every boy's wet dream? Why is he so upset? "WHAT? I thought you were into crossword puzzles and helping lepers!"

3. How fucked do you have to be to appear on those shows? I mean, what happens--are they all attention whores, or does someone say, "You know, I feel ready to settle down, have a family. I know! National television!"


Important blog notes:

Thank you to everyone who submitted questions for John to answer. He reassures me that he is hard at work on them. I can practically feel the sweat pouring off his brow as I type this. At least I hope that's sweat.

Also, thank you for your submissions for the Champagne contest, I loved the responses. So, either I'm going to drink heavily in all of your honors (look for my Donate Your Liver to Marinka! contest coming soon) or you can put me to the harsh task of picking my very favorite, knowing that many, many people will feel excluded and alienated. Just like Rock of Love Bus contestants.