Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Gem-Encrusted Animal Jewelry. For Jews



I don't understand the "gem-encrusted animal jewelry" concept and not just because the word "encrusted" makes me think of dried shit.


This week I read something horrifying in The New Yorker. Apparently there are many, many people in Palm Beach (which I'm pretty sure is code for Jews) who are selling their David Webb gem-encrusted animal jewelry to raise cash, because they were defrauded by Bernie Maddoff. Seriously, and I say this as a member of the Tribe, if my people want to keep being "the Chosen", they've got to be a little more choosy with their jewelry. I'm pretty sure that was the 11th Commandment.

Does anyone (who is not Cleopatra) think that this looks good? 




I think he looks superguilty and also a little like he's posing for a mugshot. Sort of like Madoff.

This is the one upside to this encrusted economy--I don't have to worry that Husbandrinka will bestow one of these on me.

Labels:

55 Comments:

Blogger heartatpreschool said...

Gorgeous! Are you having a give-away for these? Sign me up!

January 7, 2009 at 1:15 AM  
Blogger Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree said...

Ahhhhhhh. Those things are freaky.

January 7, 2009 at 1:31 AM  
Blogger Braja said...

All I can say is, if this is the jewelery they're wearing, I'm glad I'm not a Jew. I can possibly think of other reasons too, but it might be too controversial...

January 7, 2009 at 2:27 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

It does look guilty. Further evidence that it might be for Jews...

January 7, 2009 at 5:15 AM  
Blogger Imogen Lamport said...

Darn ugly, I've never understood them and who would buy them - people with no taste or class.

January 7, 2009 at 5:54 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

Those pieces are really disturbing - they look like something my son would pick out to give me as a gift (and then I'd be forced to wear it sometimes and that would suck).

January 7, 2009 at 6:49 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Jesus Christ! I have LOADS of these. What is your problem Marinka? I thought you were an animal-lover? My favourite is a jewel-(en)crusted pig which has a Topaz (my birthstone)firmly placed up it's butt.

January 7, 2009 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Irish Gumbo said...

Encrusted. Another word ruined for me (sigh). Although to be fair, it does SOUND like it implies dried shit.

It may not be guilt so much as "WTF did you do to ME? MY EYES! MY EYES!!"

January 7, 2009 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

Look it lady, I started selling my wares and I have lost my FL home because of that jackass :(

January 7, 2009 at 8:36 AM  
Anonymous Jen on the Edge said...

My 8 y.o.would love a gem-encrusted unicorn.

January 7, 2009 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger Smart A$$ Mom said...

Reason #1002 I need to convert to Judaism for the awesome baubles.

I might move this up to right above #3 "For the Ketubah"

January 7, 2009 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

"I don't understand the "gem-encrusted animal jewelry" concept and not just because the word "encrusted" makes me think of dried shit."

That is so true and so f*cking funny! LOL! I'm going to be saying "encrusted" all week just for the hell of it.

In fact, I have to go clean my "encrusted" toilets...

January 7, 2009 at 9:07 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

My husband has an aunt who loves this kind of stuff, and she's not even a Jew.

January 7, 2009 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger K and/or K said...

Good God those would give me nightmares!!

January 7, 2009 at 9:33 AM  
Anonymous Paula said...

The expression on the jaguar/leopard/ocelot/whothehellknows is the one inmates have on their first day in a prison shower.

January 7, 2009 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

For me, this trend is right up there with "Bill Cosby" sweaters and "the Bedazzler." But at least you can get some cash money for these nouveau rich monstrosities.

January 7, 2009 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger Marmite Breath said...

Since due to it being depressing and shit, I don't read the real news (I read Dlisted.com) I have no idea who this Madoff character is.

However, I came into the room when Mr Marmite Breath was watching the news (the real news, not Fox or anything) and thought that it said Rachel Maddow was being convicted of something and I very nearly lost my shit!

Speaking of encrusted, I have to go wash sheets. BWAHAAH, I only said that to gross you out, Marinka.

Or did I????........

January 7, 2009 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

These would look particularly fabulous adorning a sporty ensemble complete with a real leopard-fur bag and leopard skin shoes.

At least, that's how I always wear mine.

January 7, 2009 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger Andy said...

My girlfriend wants to convert so she can wear the gaudy jewelry. This is Exhibit A on why she shouldn't.

January 7, 2009 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger Miss Britt said...

I actually like the first one. A little.

Does this mean I have to convert??

January 7, 2009 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I think the cat kinda looks like someone stuck something up its butt. It looks a little shocked in the eyes, and its back seems to be in an uncomfortable posture. Come one, come all... get your sodomozied jungle cat brooch!!! Bargain prices!

January 7, 2009 at 10:47 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

These look like something my late grandmother would wear, she wasn't Jewish, just big haired Texas Republican.

January 7, 2009 at 10:49 AM  
Blogger Madge said...

are you sure husbandrinka won't buy you one? does he read your blog?

January 7, 2009 at 11:04 AM  
Blogger Maggie May said...

yah, no.

January 7, 2009 at 11:59 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Being from Big Hair Texas Republican Land I can tell you we see that shit all the time. Cannot stand it, but it's good for a laugh.

January 7, 2009 at 12:35 PM  
Blogger Irish Chicken Soup said...

Does anyone think that this looks good?

Yeah...my mother...

...and we are not Jewish.

...I'm still hoping to "accidently" stumble across the adoption papers.

January 7, 2009 at 12:41 PM  
Blogger rightonmom said...

Sure puts the Jew in 'jewel'. I think there might be a correlation there.

January 7, 2009 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Threeboys1mommy said...

... but what if Husbandrinka got a really good price from a Palm Beach resident... can you believe the New Yorker rejected my request for a subscription!?! (don't answer that)

January 7, 2009 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger tz said...

when I first got on here, I thought you might actually be review the jewlrey as a good thing, I'm so glad I kept reading...

11th commandment...hahaha

January 7, 2009 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

I can always count on YOU to make me laugh.

Now, how did you get your hands on all my mom's jewelry? huh?? YOu got some splainin' to do.

January 7, 2009 at 1:01 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

it looks more like something Guido from the Bronx would wear.

January 7, 2009 at 1:09 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

Marinka sweetheart, are you sure you are actually in New York?
Don't you recognize a knuckle duster when you see one?
For defense in case of being mugged. I thought you all got mugged all the time in the Big Apple.

So you see, beautiful and practical!

January 7, 2009 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

Oh, and the brooch just makes my lapel sag...

January 7, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Note to self: Don't ever let Marinka see my jewel encrusted shrimp, which I LOVE.

2nd Note to self: Write a blog post about my shrimp and start a blog war with Marinka.

January 7, 2009 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger La Belette Rouge said...

When I think of encrusted I think more of the goo that mats under animals eyes.

January 7, 2009 at 1:51 PM  
Blogger SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

Obviously for a different age bracket than what you are in. I am 50 and I wouldn't go near it. Maybe you need to be on the 70ish side. Wearing pins or animal rings is not my thing....

Coco

January 7, 2009 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

I also hate the word encrusted.

I think Dylan's grandmother would like those. But she's 82.

January 7, 2009 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

To TOTALLY steal YOUR comment,

Oh, I thought this was a giveaway.

January 7, 2009 at 2:59 PM  
Blogger lisa said...

I'm betting the Jaguar car dealership is giving those away as an incentive. You know, buy one get one free.

Oh wait,I bet their cars are now being reposesed, as well.

January 7, 2009 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

I will absolutely pick one of these up for you when I'm in Palm Beach later this winter.

January 7, 2009 at 4:05 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

EW! those are the most hideously tacky pieces of jewelry I have ever seen! My mother would love them (and she is not a Jew, by the way)

January 7, 2009 at 4:06 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

God these are breath taking. Amazing and lovely!

I nominated you for the Honest Scrap blogger award. Come take a look. :)

January 7, 2009 at 4:47 PM  
Blogger ingrid said...

yeah. absolutely. in fact, i'd wear a ring on every finger. *that's* how much i like it.

and a fascinator. because they are lovely. and classy. (i have to admit that i love the name. and that when i turn 70 i will absolutely wear them all of the time.)

January 7, 2009 at 5:38 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

I think he looks a bit startled. I don't want to know who is sneaking up on him or what their purpose is.

January 7, 2009 at 6:25 PM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

I had no idea Palm Beach was code for Jewish. Any other insight into The Tribe?

January 7, 2009 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Why would someone pay money to buy real jewelry that looks like cheap costume stuff?

January 7, 2009 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger Heinous said...

You're so lucky that husbandrinka thinks enough of you to not embarrass you with such offerings.

January 7, 2009 at 9:03 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Reminds me of my Grandma. A Jew of course. The encrusted jewelry and Palm Beach.

AND, my family has been saying that Palm Beach and West Palm Springs are code for Jew for years. Because all their elderly, crusty (encrusted?), Jewish relatives live there.

January 7, 2009 at 9:52 PM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Old lady jewelry seems to be universally awful.... you don't have to be a member of the tribe to fall for pieces that are over the top.

January 7, 2009 at 10:00 PM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

Irish Catholics don't play dat gem encrusted animal business.

If there are gems, we're using them to buy bombs.

I mean we used to do that.

Sincerely,
Almost moved into a Kibbutz. I am NOT kidding.

I think I might actually be a better Jew then you. hee hee

January 7, 2009 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

I read that New Yorker piece, and I thought that stuff sounded vile. I'm so glad you dug up photos. Because it IS vile.

January 7, 2009 at 10:43 PM  
Blogger silvergirl said...

This is the look of a cat who just got busted eating out of the litterbox.

January 7, 2009 at 11:00 PM  
Blogger phd in yogurtry said...

Oy.

January 7, 2009 at 11:46 PM  
Anonymous MamaMaria said...

Hmm...makes me wonder if it's better to be Catholic. Which is worse? Devout Catholic during the sex scandals, or Devout Jew during the Maddoff Bad Jewelry Selloff on eBay? Did you see the selloff prices? If they paid more than that for them originally, then it explains how Maddoff duped them!

They have a Sarah Coventry look to them, don't they? Or is that too mean to Sarah Coventry?

January 10, 2009 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Swistle said...

I kind of like his butt designs, but his face is definitely encrusted.

January 12, 2009 at 2:01 PM  

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