Tuesday, December 30, 2008

As You Probably Know, I Have Model-Good Looks

It's amazing the kind of shit that you can slip into a conversation if you preface it with "as you probably know". Because everyone is secretly a know-it-all and wants to nod maniacally and agree "of course I knew that already! duh!" Really, try it sometime.

Husbandrinka tried it on me the other day with a "as you probably know, I'm a perfectionist." It's a good thing that looking stupid has never bothered me, so I chocked on whatever I was drinking and then said "YOU? A PERFECTIONIST" and then laughed until I developed laugh lines of a woman twice my age. As you probably know, I have the skin of a newborn. (The FBI is investigating).

(By the way, when I told John this story, his response was "how can he be a perfectionist, he married you, didn't he?" I'm not sure that I will forgive him. But as you probably know, I have a big heart.)

So husbandrinka and I had a standard fight about whether or not he was a perfectionist and then we compromised on that he is a perfectionist at work and he doesn't like to burden his family with his perfectionism, so that's why I've never seen this side of him. I may be paraphrasing here a bit, but as I often tell him, if he wants to tell his side, get your own blog.

So a few days later, he is working from home and suddenly I hear "FUCKING SHIT!" (part of the reason that I hear this is because I am sitting right next to him) and I ask what's wrong, because as you may know, I am a caring soul and love to help people and he's fuming because the documents he needs are at the office. Because I love to strike when the iron's hot, I ask him if that is part of his perfectionism--having the wrong documents. So, I figure that I have a slam-fucking-dunk, and that he will bow to my wisdom, say touche and offer me some champagne to celebrate my verbal victory, but instead he says, "this is why I don't like to talk to you--you take things out of context."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE TO TALK TO ME?"
"Nothing."
"YOU HATE ME."
"No."
"That "no" didn't sound convincing."
"I don't hate you."
It's a good thing, that as you know, I don't like to dwell on things.

Labels:

43 Comments:

Blogger JLC said...

One of these days, you should come up with a witty comeback for John.
See how he likes it. =D

December 30, 2008 at 1:31 AM  
Blogger Anna Lefler said...

I often have to explain to my husband (loudly, in restaurants and/or emergency rooms) that I am the ONLY evidence of his perfectionism.

[Side note: what the hell is that bump I just idly found on my arm? It kind of hurts and now - ew! - is it BLEEDING?! Must sign off now...woozy and likely to lose consciousness very soon...

Last request: Please meet with psychicdrinka after my passing and send me a message as to whether my comment was first.]

~ A.

December 30, 2008 at 1:55 AM  
Blogger heartatpreschool said...

As you probably know, I have the ability to intuitively judge people's motivations, so you can completely trust that I know what I'm talking about when I tell you that Husbandrinka was using a defensive tactic to avert the attention from the fact that you were indeed victorious in that verbal bout.

December 30, 2008 at 3:07 AM  
Blogger Braja said...

As you probably know, I've perfected the male/female r/ship thing, and one conclusion I came to long ago was to allow my husband to dwell blissfully in his own little pile of ignorance and to never comment on it. It makes for a perfectly peaceful life which, as you probably know, I'm living to the fullest.
And yes, you are model-gorgeous, aren't you? I *did* know that....

December 30, 2008 at 3:54 AM  
Blogger SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

As you probably know....men are very fragile creatures when it comes to the ego. Criticism goes over like a lead balloon no matter what kind it is. Trust me on this...I have experience with it every day....

Coco

December 30, 2008 at 5:16 AM  
Blogger KLS said...

Thanks for the morning laigh! I like to strike when the iron's hot, too.

December 30, 2008 at 6:33 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

As you know, I think you are hilarious! I love the idea of selective perfectionism.

December 30, 2008 at 7:54 AM  
Blogger Madge said...

as you know, i heart your blog.

December 30, 2008 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Andy said...

I always says I know what people are talking about, even when I don't. As you know, that makes me a douche bag.

December 30, 2008 at 9:26 AM  
Anonymous Debo Hobo said...

As you know I truly enjoy how you tell it like if is no holds bared.

December 30, 2008 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Pacing the Panic Room said...

Again, with the hilarious dialogue. I think this is quickly turning into my favorite blog to read. it's definitely the only blog I read that I wish was a sitcom I could watch every night.

December 30, 2008 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Heartatpreschool is so right. I dusted off my psychology degree and it concurred.

As you probably know, he has trouble recognizing the superiority of your mind.

December 30, 2008 at 10:10 AM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

...but husbandrinka wasn't at work; he was at home. So the perfectionist umbrella policy really didn't cover him, did it?

December 30, 2008 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger WA said...

Wait, wait, wait--you have NEWBORN SKIN? Did you buy it from the scientists at the Clinique counter? You have to tell me. Because, as you probably know, I'm desperate.

December 30, 2008 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Nilsa said...

As they say in the South, bless his heart, your husband doesn't seem to have a sense of humor. =)

December 30, 2008 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

As you probably know you are always right when it comes to You and Husbandrinka

December 30, 2008 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree said...

I hope you and Husbandrinka never split up. I love you guys together.

I refuse to use "as you probably know" in my comment. I never go for the obvious joke. Your welcome.

December 30, 2008 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

As you probably know, John is on very thin ice these days.

xoxo, SG

December 30, 2008 at 12:53 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I love "as you probably know." There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond (sorry - but 50% of my anecdotes come from TV) where Raymond tells Deborah that it drives him crazy that she always says "just so you know..." Then she nails him with it later when he says, "I've decided that I'm sleeping on the couch tonight!" She responds with, "Oh really? Because I had already decided that. Just so you know..." I think "as you probably know" is now my new favorite.

December 30, 2008 at 1:54 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

As you probably know, you have left me laughing out loud again.

December 30, 2008 at 1:58 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

The mating dance continues...(chest pound)...(nit pick)

December 30, 2008 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

As you probably already know, that is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life!

December 30, 2008 at 3:23 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

A thought for the day: true perfectionists generally don't really KNOW they are perfectionists because they are so busy thinking about all the things that they haven't gotten right yet that they would never describe themselves as perfect in any way...

December 30, 2008 at 4:42 PM  
OpenID pinklea said...

Just discovered your blog and I think it's hilarious! Thank you for making me laugh out loud more than once - but you probably already know this. I will keep visiting!

December 30, 2008 at 6:26 PM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

I have found that this phrase is ever MORE effectively when you eliminate the word, "probably".

I once said to a man I was dating, "As you know, I've been seeing other men and I've met one I would like to spend more time with so I can't see you anymore."

He replied, "I didn't know that".

Well, it doesn't work EVERY time.

December 30, 2008 at 6:49 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

It was a slam dunk, he wormed his way out of it with diversionary tactics. Classic.

December 30, 2008 at 7:08 PM  
Blogger Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

hahahahaha!

I totally would've said TOUCHE...that was brilliant on your part!

Husbands just don't appreciate our wit with words! :)

December 30, 2008 at 7:26 PM  
Blogger Tracey said...

Your brain, my dear, amazes me...

December 30, 2008 at 7:48 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

Your husband doesn't like talking to you either? I don't feel quite so alone anymore....all these other "in love" bloggers were starting to make me question my seriously rocky (apparently) relationship.

December 30, 2008 at 8:40 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

I've often told tightwad that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. Then I have to pick him up off the floor from his laughing and KICK HIS ASS.

just so you know.

December 30, 2008 at 8:59 PM  
Blogger Heinous said...

He needs to work on the perfectionism. It seems to be...well...imperfect.

December 30, 2008 at 9:23 PM  
Blogger Z said...

bwahaha!

December 31, 2008 at 8:50 AM  
Anonymous Jos said...

oh, you so won that round. wait, what am I saying? you won the whole thing. he tried to sneak in a jab there at the end, but anyone with eyes can see thru that ploy. you won. touche, indeed.
my new yrs resolution: follow Marinka's brilliant lead & choose to look stupid instead of an annoying know-it-all. champagne!

December 31, 2008 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Braja said...

Happy 2009 Marinka my lovely....raise a glass for me pining away in this quiet little Indian village, longing for a NY bar for an hour or two...a

December 31, 2008 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

Yes, I can tell from that picture of the back of your head that you are one HOT model type!

I feel like I would recognize you in a crowded Starbucks next time I visit Manhattan :)

December 31, 2008 at 12:57 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

if you live in manhattan, then you are obviously a model.

December 31, 2008 at 1:56 PM  
Blogger Missives From Suburbia said...

As you probably know, I have never read your blog before and have no idea how I got here, but I will be back on the basis of this post alone. You made me snort (as you probably know).

December 31, 2008 at 9:23 PM  
Blogger A New England Life said...

Your sarcasm leaves gives me a snicker every time I stop by : )

January 1, 2009 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger Temple said...

Women are always right, and as you probably know, it is our job to let them think they are :)

January 1, 2009 at 7:03 PM  
Blogger Ruthie said...

OMG I have this conversation/argument with my husband ALL the time ... and there's no freaking way he gets away with the 'only at work' line! ROTFL! NO way! unless he'd like to lobotomize me first and try that line after the lobotomy ...

and here I was thinking I was the only one, and he was the only one ...

ruthie

January 1, 2009 at 11:54 PM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

The documentary on Fox has a whole section about how their documentation style for questionable material is prefaced with, "some people say."

January 2, 2009 at 11:18 AM  
Blogger LuckyMe said...

OMG. I just found you an hour and a half ago and now your blog and your comment buddies are keeping me up way past my bedtime. I even missed 30 Rock (I'll watch it tomorrow.) I must...
come...
back...
tomorrow...ZZZZZZZZZZ

March 5, 2009 at 11:02 PM  
Blogger 小貓咪 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 6, 2009 at 4:06 AM  

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