Thursday, January 8, 2009

This could have been in your reader this week!

Here are the blog posts that I started to write this week.
They've been aborted. But they may be born again soon. Could I be any more politically correct?

Your forebear's foreskin: If you've never received a phone call from your father telling you that he was about to get circumcised, I congratulate you on your good fortune and subsequent excellent mental health.

First Love: When I was five, I was in love with Lenny. We met when we were three, but I played hard to get for the first two years.  

In-Laws, Out-Laws: My in-laws left after a three week visit, and not before telling my husband that he should hire someone to cook so that the kids had "proper meals".  

In Defense of Husbandrinka:  Err...

Don't Mind the Black Guy with His Hand Up  My Vagina:  I don't know what your "before I go to the hospital to deliver the baby to do list" looked like, but mine had "tell of course we're not racist future grandparents that my OB/GYN is young and African American to avoid potential awkward scene at the hospital.  Because they think that only old white Jewish men are doctors. " 

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45 Comments:

Blogger Braja said...

You really are something Marinka. I could be wrong but I may love you slightly. Pull up a chair for me at that meeting on Saturday night with Vodka Mom, Goddess, and A$$. If I am not a silent member of that group I will have to hunt you all down and (this is where I'm meant to say "kill you" but that seems extreme so I'll leave it unfinished...)

kisses
xoxoxo

January 8, 2009 at 12:08 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

What do you mean?
I thought all doctors were old, white and jewish.

January 8, 2009 at 8:12 AM  
Blogger Debbie said...

I will feel less fulfilled until you finish these posts and hit that little publish button. I really need to know about your dad's circumcision.

January 8, 2009 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

"Don't Mind the Black Guy with His Hand Up My Vagina"

I could get my hand caught in a garbage disposal, lose a few digits, trip and fall on the way home from the hospital badly breaking one of my remaining fingers & also knocking a Chewbacca aka tooth out, read this shit, and still laugh my ass off!!

(Ladies and gents, you've now been informed of what a bat-shit crazy loon I am. Have no fear. More than likely I do not live next door...)

January 8, 2009 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

I could do a joint post with you on that last one...

January 8, 2009 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger WA said...

Ohhh, a teaser post. I like it. Now go lock yourself in your house and finish them, woman.

January 8, 2009 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger phd in yogurtry said...

Defense of husband posts are so unnecessary and redundant. They do such a good job of it themselves.

January 8, 2009 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger Z said...

Sounds like a great line-up of future posts - can't wait to read 'em :)

January 8, 2009 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Irish Gumbo said...

My vote would be for 'First Love', but I have afeeling that's not what we are going to see...

However, I am sure it will be good, and that matters a LOT!

January 8, 2009 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

As a husband, I feel obligated to tell you to give Husbandrinka a break. I'm sure he's wrong (because the Laws of Nature and U.S. Marriage dictate that we always are, regardless), but I must uphold the Bro Code.

January 8, 2009 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

I must know how all of these stories end! Get going!

January 8, 2009 at 10:09 AM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

How do you manage to make even your cop-out posts hilarious?

I never thought I'd say this, but (eeek!) I have to vote for your Dad's circumcision also. From past readings of your works, I suspect we are in for a treat on that one.

January 8, 2009 at 10:30 AM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

Please administer CPR on those posts pronto. Except the one about your dad's peeps getting the cut. Because eww.

January 8, 2009 at 10:46 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

I love the In-Law, Out-Laws one, I can't write about mine on my blog because she's uber-sensitive and totally reads my blog. But she did once say something about "guessing she had to accept me, because [my husband] is choosing to stay with me, for whatever reason."

January 8, 2009 at 11:51 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I LMAO at Your forebear's foreskin - please, please don't tell me he really did that?

I agree with Braja - I think I love you to.

January 8, 2009 at 12:12 PM  
Blogger SassyTwoSocks said...

A little piece of me will be dead if you don't complete these, every single one.

January 8, 2009 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Madge said...

yeah. your in-laws should come to my house if they want to see what no-cooking is all about.

January 8, 2009 at 1:09 PM  
Anonymous katy (aka funny girl) said...

I want to read all of them. WRITE!

January 8, 2009 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

I love all of these ideas. I've never had my father tell me he was going to be circumcised, but I have had other scarring moments that included dear old dad...

I've also had in-law scarring moments. One I want to blog about desperately because it JUST happened, but she reads my blog. I have to figure out a flattering way to do it. The other involved my MIL announcing to the whole family at dinner that FIL had gone to a nude beach and gotten his wang doodle sunburned. Then she laughed maniacally. Welcome to my world.

January 8, 2009 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Um yeah, they better all be in my reader next week if the first sentence is any indication.

Also? I'm stealing this idea too.

January 8, 2009 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Your kinda posts are better than most done ones. Not fair, I say!

January 8, 2009 at 2:19 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

Dear Marinka:
Please combine all of these ideas into one blog post. I expect nothing less than greatness from you.
Thanks,
ARS

January 8, 2009 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

Proper meals are highly overrated. But you know, if they were offering to pay for it, I'd take them up on it in a heartbeat.

The first one scares me a bit. I know a great therapist if you need one to get over that conversation. :)

January 8, 2009 at 2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At first I was a little grossed out by the thought of your father's foreskin but you made up for it with that last one. I got to enjoy a brief moment visualizing Shemar Moore playing doctor. There, all better.

January 8, 2009 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Imogen Lamport said...

I don't want to know about anyone's foreskin, much less my father's! Did you ask him for the money to pay for the years of therapy you now require to erase that visual image from your mind?

My MIL is a great ironer, and I am the world's most crap - and she also thinks I'm a crap housewife and terrible mother as I didn't spend my life sterilising bottles when my babies were babies ...fortunately she lives in another country.

You haven't killed your kids with your cooking so everything is just fine!

In Australia, there are many Chinese and Indian doctors - we have very few Jewish doctors. I opted for midwives when I gave birth.

January 8, 2009 at 3:11 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Do I want to know about the first one, or do I not want to know about the first one....? It's hard to decide.

January 8, 2009 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger PsychMamma said...

I want to read the rest of each and every one of those, so go get busy!! REALLY!! What are you waiting for??

January 8, 2009 at 4:03 PM  
Blogger Iheartfashion said...

Can't wait for these!

January 8, 2009 at 4:21 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

I agree with Braja. I may be in love with you, too.

January 8, 2009 at 5:15 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

I agree with Braja. I may be in love with you, too.

January 8, 2009 at 5:15 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

We must be sharing a brain today which is why I cannot thing of anything to write, well I did, I wrote two aborted posts so far, one angry, one less angry...

hmmm

January 8, 2009 at 5:47 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

jesus, even your blog post ideas crack me the hell up.

p.s. We're not getting a surprise group annual exam at our get together, are we??? Cause my nether regions are a bit empty. (That dang hysterectomy and all...) He might get lost up there.

January 8, 2009 at 7:47 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Hilarious! I am particularly interested in the last one.

January 8, 2009 at 8:16 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

My dad once told that he was having problems getting it up. This was after my mom passed away, so she wasn't the lady in question. Not sure if that made it better or worse....

I'd like to see a blog that blends his circumcision ordeal with his decision to open a cat shelter!

January 8, 2009 at 8:23 PM  
Anonymous kia (good enough mama) said...

I think I'd read them all except for the forebear foreskin one. That's just too wrong on too many levels... ;)

January 8, 2009 at 8:42 PM  
Blogger Momo Fali said...

How is it that a bunch of throw-away posts can turn into one great one? Kudos.

January 8, 2009 at 9:07 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I must admit I am bummin' that we didn't get full posts on any of these topics because they all made me LOL.

January 8, 2009 at 9:10 PM  
Blogger Heinous said...

Damn, could you send these posts to me privately then. I feel that I'm missing out.

January 8, 2009 at 10:15 PM  
Anonymous Tony said...

hi, just a short note to let you know that I came to your blog from a comment you posted on mine when Heinous wrote a guest post on mine. I really enjoyed your blog - I went back and read some of the older posts and just wanted to tell you that you have a great way of writing and are very funny. Take care and I look forward to reading more of your blog.

January 9, 2009 at 12:13 AM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Loving that last one.

January 9, 2009 at 12:14 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Jesus you are one lucky girl. I wish I had a young, Black, Any-kind-of African gyneacologist!

January 9, 2009 at 4:53 AM  
Blogger Smart A$$ Mom said...

What is everyone talking about, I totally wanna hear about your dad's late in life circumcision.

January 9, 2009 at 3:31 PM  
Blogger Temple said...

OMG! That totally reminds me of the post-Thanksgiving shopping trip like 2 years ago at Bed, Bath & Beyond in the middle of which my Mom announces to the burning ears of my sister and I that my dad got circumcised after they got married at her request...I was (a) totally heebed out on a new level of heebiness (b) shocked at the manifestation of love my dad had for my mom, and (c) no longer in the mood to buy kitchen accessories for Christmas gifts...

January 9, 2009 at 7:48 PM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

You only waited two (2) years?

Whore.

January 9, 2009 at 10:36 PM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I am torn between wanting to hear the foreskin story and the birthing one. I must intuite that your in-law stories will crack me up.

January 11, 2009 at 12:24 PM  

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