Reese Witherspoon and Kelly Ripa Chat. Marinka Can't Stop Vomiting.
Last week Reese Witherspoon was a guest on "Live with Regis and Kelly" and let me just get this out of the way--her appeal is completely lost on me. I just don't see it. But you know who sees it? Kelly. Reese comes out to thunderous audience applause and Kelly says "the women cheer for you the way that they cheer for a guy." What does that even mean? I think it means that Kelly is crazy.
And then Regis asks Reese what is on her Christmas list and she reveals that she just bought a farm and that the chickens were running wild and somewhere between Regis, Reese and Kelly it was determined that Reese needed a chicken coop and, Santa, if you're listening, that's what Reese wants, hee hee, ho ho.
I don't know about you, but I like my celebrities down to earth. I've always loved the "They're Just Like Us!" feature in US Weekly where stars are photographed doing every day normal things like grocery shopping, wedgie removing and fatwah issuing. "Buying a farm" is not on that list.
From now on, I want celebrities to answer the what do you want for Christmas question with Britney Spears' Fantasy Midnight perfume body set or anything else that can be purchased from Target or, possibly, Ann Taylor Loft. Because we need to give our economy a boost and it's not going to happen with Reese's Chicken Coop.
And then Reese said how much her kids loved the farm and how they were happy there and that there was no TV or video games there. I was nodding maniacally at this point, thinking that finally, Reese and I have something in common because when we go to my parents' house in upstate New York, there's no TV or video games there either and although the kids seem to love it anyway, I do miss the quality time of plopping them in front of the screen and relaxing while they absorb important media messages.
Except that wasn't where Reese was going with this. Instead in complete disregard and violation of the Mom-code, she and Kelly went into this "our children don't need tv and videos" spiel that made me vomit uncontrollably.
Kelly said how great it was because when they go to the Hamptons, the kids play with sticks and rocks and those are like the best toys. Seriously, did anyone else see this show, because now that I type it out, it seems even more insane. And let me just say that I call bullshit on that. Ok, maybe they poked around with sticks and rocks, but who believes that they are really electronics and manufactured toys-free?
I think that part of being a celebrity mom is making sure that you never say anything that may possibly offend a non-celebrity mom. Especially if that non-celebrity mom is me. And if you think that I'm just a bitter hag, I'd like to congratulate you on your good call.