Lazy like a fox, or whoever it is that's really lazy

Mortification Monday will return next. When I am feeling less lazy.



A few years ago my daughter was studying Native American history and decided to come up with Indian names for all of us. Mine was something like Runs Like The Wind. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was going to have it legally changed to Lazy Like a Motherfucker. Actually it’s not that I didn’t have the heart to tell her as that I was feeling well, too lazy to do it.

And you know what? I totally don’t get why everyone is looking down on laziness, like it’s some sort of sin. It’s not. Sloth is a sin, not laziness. And if you think that I’m going to look up sloth to figure out what the difference between it and laziness is, you need to look up lazy because you have no respect for the concept. I stand by my point: if our founding fathers wanted to make laziness a sin, they would have written it into the constitution, but they didn’t and I’m sick and tired of being treated like a war criminal just because, well you know, I have no energy left to type it out the rest of that sentence. If you’re too lazy to figure it out yourself, I don’t see how that is my problem.

And you know what else? (Notice how I recycled that sentence from the last paragraph? Lazy people are resourceful!) The world could use a few more lazy people. We’d all be better off. For example--Bernie Madoff, that guy who made the original Ponzi schemer look like he was sending out a few spam emails? Madoff was not lazy. Between the scheming, the printing of the fake statements, and keeping track of all that shit? I guarantee you that even if I had the brain power to come up with that scam in the first place, I would have been totally exhausted by the time that I stole the first $100; the first $50 if the Rock of Love Bus was on at the time.

Look at all the dictators and tyrants throughout history---highly energized people. Manic, almost. Think of how different things would have been if they’d just curled up with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and read a trashy novel.

I’m not saying that I have the solution to all of the world’s problems. I’m just suggesting that we lazy bums deserve a little bit of a break. And maybe a fluffy pillow and someone to peel us some grapes.