Monday, February 23, 2009

Lazy like a fox, or whoever it is that's really lazy

Mortification Monday will return next. When I am feeling less lazy.



A few years ago my daughter was studying Native American history and decided to come up with Indian names for all of us. Mine was something like Runs Like The Wind. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was going to have it legally changed to Lazy Like a Motherfucker. Actually it’s not that I didn’t have the heart to tell her as that I was feeling well, too lazy to do it.

And you know what? I totally don’t get why everyone is looking down on laziness, like it’s some sort of sin. It’s not. Sloth is a sin, not laziness. And if you think that I’m going to look up sloth to figure out what the difference between it and laziness is, you need to look up lazy because you have no respect for the concept. I stand by my point: if our founding fathers wanted to make laziness a sin, they would have written it into the constitution, but they didn’t and I’m sick and tired of being treated like a war criminal just because, well you know, I have no energy left to type it out the rest of that sentence. If you’re too lazy to figure it out yourself, I don’t see how that is my problem.

And you know what else? (Notice how I recycled that sentence from the last paragraph? Lazy people are resourceful!) The world could use a few more lazy people. We’d all be better off. For example--Bernie Madoff, that guy who made the original Ponzi schemer look like he was sending out a few spam emails? Madoff was not lazy. Between the scheming, the printing of the fake statements, and keeping track of all that shit? I guarantee you that even if I had the brain power to come up with that scam in the first place, I would have been totally exhausted by the time that I stole the first $100; the first $50 if the Rock of Love Bus was on at the time.

Look at all the dictators and tyrants throughout history---highly energized people. Manic, almost. Think of how different things would have been if they’d just curled up with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and read a trashy novel.

I’m not saying that I have the solution to all of the world’s problems. I’m just suggesting that we lazy bums deserve a little bit of a break. And maybe a fluffy pillow and someone to peel us some grapes.

Labels:

46 Comments:

Blogger Joanie said...

Well said, Marinka! Now to find that teen of mine. the house needs vacuuming. (isn't that why we had kids? to do our housework for us?)

February 23, 2009 at 12:18 AM  
Blogger Irish Chicken Soup said...

I totally ag-...

Oh, nevermind. I'll finish this comment later.

February 23, 2009 at 12:53 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

also someone to bathe us, feed us, brush our hair, clip our toenails, drive us places, clean our houses, take care of the pets, stand by to insert DVD of choice....

i don't know that i'm lazy. i think to just think of it as efficiently managing my time/life from the couch or bed. how can that be so wrong?

February 23, 2009 at 1:00 AM  
Blogger Jennifer H said...

Because putting on makeup and blow-drying my hair every single day is a lot of damn work. Which is why I try to stay on an every other day schedule, and plan all my errands on for those days. Resourceful, see?

God, just typing this makes me want to go turn on Real Housewives of New York.

February 23, 2009 at 2:08 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

I think it is horrific how you can discriminate so shamelessly against sloths, if I wasn't lazy I would call the RSPCA immediately.

Is it a sin to be a sloth, or just to be slothful? Not that the answer helps the poor sloth a single iota.

More importantly can you get a lazy sloth?

February 23, 2009 at 2:27 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

I have nothing witty to say.

But Mo's comment made me laugh. I can't really see how it would be a sin to be a sloth. You're really just set up for failure there then.

February 23, 2009 at 4:18 AM  
Blogger Lacey said...

Without lazy people we wouldn't have the remote control... right?

Right.

February 23, 2009 at 5:38 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Maybe we could organize a campaign for the rights of lazy people. Nah. That sounds a bit like work.

February 23, 2009 at 5:53 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

I'll drink to that... if someone will make one for me and then hold the straw to my lips.

February 23, 2009 at 5:59 AM  
Blogger Jan said...

Just recovering from my lazy Sunday. The most strenuous thing I did yesterday was read the Sunday paper.

February 23, 2009 at 6:49 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

If I had the energy, I'd stand there and feed those grapes to you..
haha!

February 23, 2009 at 6:54 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Whatever!

February 23, 2009 at 7:01 AM  
Blogger Irish Gumbo said...

If you want to find the easiest way to do soemthing, just give it to a lazy person. Problem solved, and you don't have to do the work!

There was more, but, I'm lazy...

February 23, 2009 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger Leigh (Modern Mommy) said...

This is exactly why I don't wear makeup. Or do my hair. Or put on clean jeans.

Unless someone will be taking pictures.

February 23, 2009 at 8:05 AM  
Blogger WA said...

I totally agree with this. The Rock of Love Bus has also prevented me from committing many a crime against humanity.

February 23, 2009 at 8:20 AM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

I'm too lazy to comment. Further.

February 23, 2009 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

That's why it's good to have a wild pack of kids! Built-in maid and cleaning services.

February 23, 2009 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

My self-esteem just rose 50 points after reading this post. Thanks!

February 23, 2009 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

How do we organize all those energized people to work for US?

Great post!

February 23, 2009 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I never thought of it this way before. You've opened my eyes.

I shall feel much less guilty now about my ice cream and trashy magazines and dirty house.

I thank you from the bottom of my lazy heart.

February 23, 2009 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger Jozet at Halushki said...

ROFL! Loved this!

omg, I'm worn out just typing that comment....

February 23, 2009 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

My coffee tastes particularly good this morning.

(I'm too lazy to think of a comment that actually makes sense at the end of this post, but I wanted to let you know I was here.)

February 23, 2009 at 10:34 AM  
Blogger Annje said...

I think you are on to something: laziness brings world peace. It is too bad though, that lazy people are probably too lazy to promote that idea.

February 23, 2009 at 10:39 AM  
Blogger Smart A$$ Mom said...

That's exactly how I feel about whores.

February 23, 2009 at 11:04 AM  
Anonymous denise said...

Amen, sister!

February 23, 2009 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

Here Here! I'd support you in an election, but....well......I know you're too lazy to run for office.

February 23, 2009 at 11:17 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

Laziness has paid off for me way more times than working hard has. They changed the assignment? Ok, good, I hadn't started on the original one anyway.

February 23, 2009 at 11:52 AM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Finally, an excuse to be me! I am not lazy... I am simply trying not to take over the world or embezzle millions from innocent gazzilionaires.

February 23, 2009 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Great. Now I feel like I want to take a nap.

February 23, 2009 at 1:20 PM  
Blogger derfina said...

Sloth=lazy with hair

February 23, 2009 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Amen!

Now that you are sufficiently enabling me, I am off to nap...

February 23, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

exactly the reason why I am harmless. i'm too fucking tired.

February 23, 2009 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

A therapist once explained that procrastination is necessary. Without it, as soon as we think, "The grass needs cutting,"* we'd have to go cut it, even if it was 3:00 a.m. The lazy are simply people with an especially well-developed skill for procrastination.

(*Substitute an NYC metaphor here. If you have the energy.)

February 23, 2009 at 3:34 PM  
Blogger iMommy said...

Ok, Jeanne is a genius, and I will definitely be using that theory next time I'm not ready to do the dishes or laundry or vacuum or anything else.

February 23, 2009 at 6:07 PM  
Blogger Mary Moore said...

Laziness is the way of the future...

February 23, 2009 at 6:21 PM  
Blogger Miss Britt said...

YAY LAZY!

We should start a club!

And make shirts!

And - um - who can we put in charge of getting this shit done?

February 23, 2009 at 7:52 PM  
Blogger lizspin said...

I am in total agreement! I think sloth denotes some sort of filth or bottom-dwelling-ness. . .

Let's hear it for good old-fashioned lazy!!!

February 23, 2009 at 8:51 PM  
Blogger jill jill bo bill said...

From one lazy ass to another: I think I love you. But we live too far away from each other and I am not getting off the couch.

February 23, 2009 at 10:00 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Don't bother trying to legally change your Native American name. In New York, it will take you at least 6 trips to civil court. And I know you're too lazy for that.

February 23, 2009 at 10:01 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

I would leave a comment, but ....

(yawn)

February 23, 2009 at 10:32 PM  
Blogger Nap Warden said...

I am so on your page. I always tell Husband, the world would be different if we just gave everyone video games and cable. I'm just sayin'...

February 23, 2009 at 10:34 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

You should think about sending this as an email to Congress...because if they were more lazy and got less done...wait, I think they may have already tried that.

Also, the paragraph about dictators and tyrants, I have nothing clever, I just loved it.

February 23, 2009 at 11:48 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Did I notice any semi-colons in there? Cause that the REAL sign of a lazy person;that and a fat ass.

February 24, 2009 at 6:36 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

I've got the fat ass, can I join the lazy club? I tell my children I'm not lazy, I had to do EVERYTHING I make them do for my mom...I LOVE being a parent!

February 24, 2009 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

Being lazy is so under-rated. Is that how you spell that? Too lazy to check it...

February 24, 2009 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger Ruthie said...

My sister labels her favourite hobby; 'lying down'. One of my kids prefers lying down too, and she chose a man who also prefers lying down. Sadly their first child likes everything but lying down, and prefers constant movement even WHILST lying down. Poor things! (I the lucky grandmother find the child hilarious and fun but I'm the grandmother. I would.)

My point was, laziness is valid as a hobby too, it's not only under rated. It's misrepresented as to what it really is. A hobby. A pass time. A thing people do. It's valuable because it gives us time to process information and our brains time to do something useful with the information (ok, now I'm off with the fairies ...)...

February 26, 2009 at 4:21 AM  

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