Happy First Day of School, Children. Welcome to the Revolution.

Dear Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Friends,

In light of the murmurings surrounding our President's address to our nation's school children and the accompanying hysteria of the call to keep children home from school so that their ears won't be tainted by socialist propaganda, I have but one word to describe you and your ilk.

Amateurs.

You heard me. Amateurs.

You think that President Barack Obama is a socialist?

Ignorant fools.

Naive cretins.

Trusting morons.

You have sucked on the teat of liberalism, not noticing that its milk has curdled.

Because I spent Labor Day weekend with my Mama and she opened my eyes.

Barack Obama is not a socialist, you innocent babes. Oh, if only he were a socialist. That's what we call the "good ole' days".

According to mama, Barack Obama a communist. A commie. A pinko, if you will.

Now, for those of you who have been more Twilight and less The Communist Manifesto for the past few years, let me school you.

According to Karl Marx (watch for his graven image to replace Abe Lincoln on Mt. Rushmore!) the stages of society are capitalism then socialism, culminating in communism. (It's totally true, I asked Husbandrinka, I don't know this shit on my own. But I do know that Vampire Edward glistens like diamonds! and I can recap the Bethanny/Kelly spats ver-fucking-batim, so we each bring something to the marriage).

So, while the pundits have paroled Obama at socialist, mama has advanced him to communist.

I was curious and eager to learn.
"What about him makes you think he is a communist?" I asked.
"Because I lived in the Soviet Union for thirty years," she told me. "I know what communist looks like."
"Well, can you enlighten me?"
"Yes, I can enlighten. Normal men don't speak to children. Normal people avoid children. The only reason to talk to the children is to confuse them and make them communist."
"Some people speak to children for other reasons."
"Yes, pedophile. Pedophile have many reason to speak to children, all bad."

Finally, something that we can all agree on. You've been warned. Keep your children at home, good citizens. Because ignorance is not only bliss, it means that you don't have to haul ass early to wait for the school bus.

Yours in capitalism, and possibly dictatorship,

Marinka