Friday, May 1, 2009

Mask. Cher-less.

I have the best friends. They really look out for me.

Like the other day, John told me that we have to go get masks to protect ourselves against the swine flu. He read up on it and people who wore masks during the SARS outbreak were thirteen times more likely to survive, so with that kind of math on our side, we got some masks. I wanted to try them out on the bus ride home, but he didn't. Something about looking stupid.

If there's one thing I know about looking stupid, is that it doesn't come naturally to everyone, so you have to practice. So I did. As a public service to you people, of course. Because I'm all about helping others.

Oh, and for the sake of full disclosure and transparency: I did not receive any compensation or products for this post.( Tamiflu, call me!) ok, please click on that Tamiflu link and check out that fluish woman's sink. I love it so much, because it's like all the dishes are totally cleaned, but they're just piled in the sink because her family is brain damaged or something. And I love the expression that the little girl has. It's like "MOM! You got that stupid flu on purpose!!! This is why I like dad's girlfriend better!!!!!"

And it's a good thing that I tried it out because the masks have defects. First of all, do not underestimate the looking stupid thing. Second, how are you supposed to enjoy snacks and beverages? I think they should have a hole in there for nutrients. Third of all, I am very worried about the lipstick industry. Will women still buy it? Will they be the next needing a government bailout?

Other than that--perfect! Well, breathing is a little tough, especially if you're claustrophobic and don't like something covering up your air holes. Maybe I can look into getting a chloroform scented one to help me relax?

39 Comments:

Blogger Currently Untitled said...

it would be cool if there was a straw attachment. then you could eat and drink all you wanted without needing to remove the mask. you could even say it's HEALTHY cos it's a liquid diet! and the lipstick companies could always move onwards to a new invention... stick on lips! no? alrighty, back to the drawing board!

May 1, 2009 at 1:51 AM  
Blogger Lawton said...

DO the lipstick industry a solid and draw yourself some lips - talk about getting yourself a seat on the subway then!

May 1, 2009 at 2:16 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

You need gloves too, and a de-fumigator in the entrance to your home. I'm assuming you're gonna force your family to wear masks, or at least motorcycle helmets.

May 1, 2009 at 2:43 AM  
Blogger Jennifer H said...

Surely it won't be long before Isaac Mizrahi designs a line of stylish masks for Target.

May 1, 2009 at 3:49 AM  
Blogger Daffodil Campbell said...

I think that is a hot look - it could totally pas for Satin, so you should get some coordinating elbow length gloves - practical AND stylish !

BTW - can I just say that when I saw the header today, I got all misty-eyed ? I am jonesing for NYC right now, and that subway sign just totally got me in the gut. Loves it. If I could just get a glimpse of a pretzle cart, I think I might completely fall apart.

May 1, 2009 at 5:28 AM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

good seating solution. Go, Marinka. Go girl...

But hey you do have the coloring (like me, precious) of Cher's son in that movie Mask...subliminal reference there, o great-minded one.

May 1, 2009 at 5:36 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

I love the disguise.......

May 1, 2009 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger I'm Wendy said...

Great, just great! Now we'll never recognize you!

But seriously, I always feel like I'm having a heart attack when I wear those masks. And that'll kill you just as surely as SARS or the pig flu...

May 1, 2009 at 7:44 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I found a mask yesterday to solve the drinking problem:

http://dailymishmash.com/2009/the-must-have-accessory-for-spring/

The only problem is that it makes you look like a total freak.

May 1, 2009 at 8:22 AM  
Blogger lizspin said...

Yeah. . . why are that lady's dishes all clean and sparkle-y there in her sink???

And since when did my daughter pose for that Tamiflu add????

May 1, 2009 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Janine said...

yeah, right - because pregnancy is not contagious. If it were we'd have pregant ladies only buses and such.

And hell, it's bad enough that there are expectant mother parking spots at the supermarkets. Where were those when I was pregnant? I had to walk to the store and carry my food home in a basket balanced on my head.

So I park there anyway. I'm always expecting something anyway. Not that I get anything but I'm ever hopeful. Oh, were we talking about masks?

May 1, 2009 at 8:53 AM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

I think it's cute.
Makes you look like Daffy Duck.
And ... um ... sorry, accidentally scrolled down and got distracted by that skinny girl again.

May 1, 2009 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

Who is that masked wo(man)?

May 1, 2009 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

I'm so envious! What a great fashion Do.

May 1, 2009 at 9:16 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

You do realize that the masks don't protect you from other people, they protect other people from you, right? So it's only really worth wearing them if YOU have the flu. I'm just sayin'.

May 1, 2009 at 9:17 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I think to get extra room on public transportation vessels it is worth it, based on my recent experience with the PATH. Mr. Smith was cab-adverse this time round and we spent over $75 on subway fares in 4 days. I could have used a little extra room.

May 1, 2009 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Love the mask idea, just so that people will leave me the hell alone. Not that I ever take public transportation anyway, but I'm just sayin'.

May 1, 2009 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

That's a great look for you, Marinka. Did you remember to get the gloves, too?

May 1, 2009 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

Put on a pair of sunglasses and people will think you're Michael Jackson.

May 1, 2009 at 11:32 AM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

maybe it's time to go shopping for some burkas for your wardrobe.

May 1, 2009 at 1:53 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I went to a 6 month check up at the doc office today and the entire staff was wearing masks. I went to the desk and said "if someone here has swine flu, I'm outtie so just fess up." And suddenly the front desk Michael Jackson wanna be looked at me like I was the weird one.

May 1, 2009 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

Who IS that brat in the Tamiflu advert? I'd ground her a month just for the attitude.

On the other hand, Tamiflu DOES work. My daughter got the mother of all flus 3 years ago and Tamiflu kicked ass.

Now she gets yearly flu shots, but it took getting so sick that she capitulated on the fear of needles phobia.

May 1, 2009 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger KekeLynn said...

Thanks for doing the trial run on the masks for us! haha

The looking stupid part I expected, but I never thought of the food and beverage or the lipstick problems!

May 1, 2009 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger WA said...

Oh, you'll never be in the remake of "Eyes Wide Shut" with that stupid mask. You need feathers, baby.

May 1, 2009 at 2:55 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I was fully expecting to see a photo of you with a mask on the back of your head.

Although, maybe wearing one on public transport wouldn't be a bad idea, swineflu or NOT.

May 1, 2009 at 3:10 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

You know what I just realized, having looked at your photo again?

You in that mask are a dead ringer for Hannial Lecter. That's probably why you got your own zip code on that bus!

May 1, 2009 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger Smart A$$ Mom said...

Holy shit Marinka! You just posted a pic of yourself. WITH A FUCKING MASK ON.

May 1, 2009 at 4:30 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

You know, I'm not really a people person. I fucking hate it when people stand too close to me or my shopping cart at Wal-Mart. I'm going to wear these just so people will stay at least 6' away from me.

May 1, 2009 at 5:02 PM  
Blogger Momo Fali said...

You are brilliant. I'm going to wear a mask to the nail salon tonight. I bet I won't have to wait long for an open chair.

May 1, 2009 at 6:20 PM  
Blogger musingwoman said...

I thought about getting one of those, too, but opted to just wash my hands three thousand times a day.

May 1, 2009 at 10:15 PM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

White doesn't work for me. I want a Vivienne Tam Mask when the Swine Flu gets here!

May 1, 2009 at 11:57 PM  
Blogger Babe in Babeland said...

You're hilarious! This swine flu is freaking me out...needed something that made me laugh.

May 2, 2009 at 12:22 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

at the ER the other night where I volunteer we had masses of people com in with those masks on and yet NO ONE had the swine flu. The press is partly to blame for this. It's gotten totally out of hand, in my opinion, unless I get it and then it's a national tragedy

May 2, 2009 at 12:31 PM  
Blogger Madge said...

i am one of those people that looking stupid comes naturally to. i'm so lucky.

May 2, 2009 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger Elisa said...

I'm going to the SELF Workout in the Park thing next Sat. there well be lots of people. should I wear a mask? let's weigh the options, suffocating during exercise vs. remote possibility of getting the overblown swine flu. hmmm, tought pick ;-)

May 2, 2009 at 10:21 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Put on one of those masks and NO ONE in new york is coming anywhere near you. So that could work in your favor.

May 3, 2009 at 10:52 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

My mom and husband and I all traveled to Asia during the SARS crap. We're still alive...for better or worse. Take your pick.

May 4, 2009 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

What I really don't get is on the Tamiflu ad it says if you think you have the flu, "you have 48 hours to see your doctor". Who in the hell can get an appointment with their doctor within 48 hours? And what about those clueless dolts who have the poor judgment to get sick on a Friday? What about them?

It's almost like they've designed a medication to mock sick people, like "gosh, this really would have worked if you had gotten it in time, but since you weren't sure you were sick enough for a couple of days, sorry we can't help you". Great.

She does have really colorful dishes, though.

May 5, 2009 at 7:58 AM  
Blogger PsychMamma said...

The whole post completely cracked me up, but I especially love your keen observation skills and interpretation of the Tamiflu Mom. HEEEE-LARIOUS!! And I totally agree. Her family is obviously brain damaged.

I've heard that lipstick sales go up when the economy sucks, but that data probably didn't take into account a raging pandemic causing people to flock to mask-wearing.

Also, I'm probably 3 months behind on this, since that's about how far behind on reading I am, but I LOVE your new blog header. Very urban-hip.

May 7, 2009 at 3:38 PM  

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