Thursday, April 23, 2009

Things That Go Through My Mind As I'm Reading Ulysses

1. Holy Shit, I'm reading Ulysses.

2. By James Joyce.

3. A modernist. And a pervert.

4. I hope everyone on the subway notices that I'm reading Ulysses. I will hold up the book a little higher, so that they can see the title.

5. They should have a NEON title edition of Ulysses, I bet that would sell well.

6. Ulysses, a book that I am reading.

7. Ulysses is for sissies. I have no idea why I said that, but to be fair, very few things rhyme with Ulysses.

8. I'm done with a whole page! Of Ulysses by James Joyce!

9. What the fuck happened on that page? Snotrag? Dying mother? Ireland? Italy? Maybe it was just "setting the tone".

10. Now that the tone is set, I'm continuing to read Ulysses. Really, I have no idea why I didn't do it sooner because this kind of enjoyment you just can't buy!



Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

Believe me, when I see someone reading Ulysses it is a Neon title to me...

April 23, 2009 at 1:24 AM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

you know what I'm thinking while reading...what did I let myself in for????

April 23, 2009 at 1:40 AM  
Anonymous susan said...

I hope everyone on the subway notices that I'm reading Ulysses. I will hold up the book a little higher, so that they can see the title.

Haha! I saw a woman reading erotica on the subway recently. And I was like "Really?!"- She didn't even have one of those discrete book covers.

April 23, 2009 at 1:44 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

I'm reading something by Nelson Demille. So far it has taken me a month. Nice huh?

April 23, 2009 at 1:56 AM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Things that I'm thinking while you read Ulysses: "Ugh. I'm so glad I'm not reading Ulysses."

It's impressive - I want a full report so that I can pretend to be you in the future.

April 23, 2009 at 2:01 AM  
Blogger Daffodil Campbell said...

I am exhausted. I do not understand what the HELL is going on. And I have a sneaking suspicion that they are referring to prostitution in the section I just read. Or at the very least, some guy giving another guy a hand job. The Hell ?

April 23, 2009 at 3:00 AM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

Meh...I gave up. Well actually I never started. I'm a liar. And not good at reading right now. At least, not Ulysses. Knowing you still love me no matter what I do is a comfort.

Cos you do.

Don't you...

April 23, 2009 at 4:59 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Oh that old book...
When you have finished that, I will send you my copy of War and Peace. You will love it!

April 23, 2009 at 6:52 AM  
Blogger The Dental Maven said...

I never sit next to people who are reading Ulysses on the subway.

April 23, 2009 at 6:58 AM  
Blogger daydreamymama said...

I think it's a testament to my mental health that 80% of the time I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. Whew - that means I can cancel my next therapy appointment, right?

April 23, 2009 at 7:22 AM  
Blogger HappyHourSue said...

Here's why i will never ever read ulysses:

Excerpt from "The Office" (Twilight fanfiction)

I was leaning over the table, gesturing towards a set of photographs when I felt it. His hand lifted slowly from his lap, and settled on my ass. “The print company can have this do-” I stopped mid sentence, my breath caught in my throat and I froze. A million thoughts raced through my mind in that instant. In the 9 months I had worked for him, he had never intentionally touched me. This, was most definitely intentional.

The heat from his hand, burned through my skirt and into my skin. Every muscle in my body tensed, as a shudder ran through me. What the hell was he doing? My brain screamed at me to push his hand off, to tell him to never touch me again, but my body had other ideas. My nipples hardened, and I clenched my jaw in response. Traitor nipples.

I let out the breath I’d been holding, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. At least a minute had to have passed, and neither of us said anything, our breathing and the muted noise of the city below the only sounds echoing in the still air of the conference room.

“Turn around Ms. Swan,” he said quietly. The sound of his voice broke the silence; I gasped silently and closed my eyes at the sound. I straightened my back, my eyes facing forward. Slowly I turned, his hand moving with me, sliding to my hip. I looked down to meet his eyes, and he looked intently back at me. More silence.

April 23, 2009 at 7:25 AM  
Blogger Nyxmyst said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

April 23, 2009 at 7:52 AM  
Blogger The Panic Room said...

Crap! I haven't started yet because I refuse to buy something I will never finish. So I had been asking all my ding dong friends if they had a copy. So until I track it down for free I am going to just have to be envious from here of all the fun you are having.

So jealous. I plan on having my copy fall from my arms when my hands are full so people will have to bend down and pick it up for me, and then they will say: "Oh my!" and give me that special look that only people that are reading Ulysses get.

I can't wait.

April 23, 2009 at 7:53 AM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Are you totally sober while reading this?

April 23, 2009 at 8:09 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

You couldn't pay me enough!

April 23, 2009 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

I would definitely buy the neon jacket version. And your #9 would be going through my head on every single page, thus I'm not reading it!

April 23, 2009 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Madge said...

i tried it once......

April 23, 2009 at 9:15 AM  
Blogger lizspin said...

I'm telling you. . . read a section. . . go to Sparknotes and find out what the f**k you just read. . . read another sections. . . go again to Sparknotes!

It's working for me. . .

By the way. . . do you know he takes a piss on the beach??? Someone tell me where in that God-forsaken chapter it says that????

April 23, 2009 at 9:42 AM  
Anonymous zelzee said...

I had to read that 7,000 years ago in high school.

Can't remember much, so obviously it didn't have that much of an impact on me other than to get a good grade.

Give me a good serial killer book anyday!

April 23, 2009 at 11:18 AM  
Blogger Suzannah said...

lizspin - thanks for the advice about sparknotes!

I read a bit the other day and I had to read verrrrryyyyyy ssssllloooooowwwwwwlllllyyy just to get the words to sink in my head. And all I came up with was "Wha?"

April 23, 2009 at 11:54 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

better you than me :)

April 23, 2009 at 12:32 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

I'm with Anymommy on this one.
When you're done, just give us a quick rundown of all that goes on - not too long, OK? Just enough to make it sound like I know what I am talking about.

It is set in Ancient Greece, right?

April 23, 2009 at 1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for reminding me that if I need a read that dulls the mind into other task's, pick up Ulysses.

April 23, 2009 at 2:29 PM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

I see you neglected my suggestion to read something with 5 stars on Amazon.

I picked up a copy of Ulysses at the library and I was clearly the first person to ever crack the binding and that book is like what, 300 years old?

April 23, 2009 at 2:40 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I think you need to factor some LSD in when you read this. Maybe then it'll make some sense.

April 23, 2009 at 3:43 PM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

i'm not that far into it, but my favorite parts so far are the snot jokes. who knew i was being so deep all these years. can't wait to get to the fart jokes.

April 23, 2009 at 4:13 PM  
Blogger SSQuo said...

You know I'm one of those people in the subway who are trying to find out what you are reading, but ONLY so that I can look it up and then read it if I like it.

I found 'Kafka on the Shore' by Haruki Murakami just that way, and quite enjoyed it. :)

April 23, 2009 at 4:46 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I see your book club and I raise you one trashy novel.

April 23, 2009 at 6:25 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

Umm... *raising hand*... Ms. Marinka, when was that first chapter book report due?

Oy! Okay. I'll start it tonight, but I plan to be very angry with you while I read it.

April 23, 2009 at 8:52 PM  
Anonymous Vika said...

Just found your blog and wanted to say props for expessing yourself so well. You are the witty Russian emigre that I will never be able to be. What makes it sadder is that you have TWO kids AND you have time to write a blog. The only person I have to take care of is Mr. B, who spends most of his days in Physics Land. The mishpacha says he will be the next Landau. I just need him to concentrate on folding his socks.

I'll be reading. :)

April 23, 2009 at 9:35 PM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

You could always hide the latest US magazine in the Ulysses binding and just pretend.

April 23, 2009 at 9:50 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Wait, you read this? For real?

Great list!

April 23, 2009 at 11:54 PM  
Blogger Daffodil Campbell said...

I have an idea - do you think if I play a Pink Floyd album and watch The Wizard of Oz, WHILE I read this, it will all come together for me ? Because otherwise....Notsomuch. Still on page 11. I keep re-reading it. I still can't get it. Going to check out this sparknotes thingie Lizspin mentioned.

April 24, 2009 at 3:47 AM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I'm doing the Lizspin style and hoping they don't take away my teaching certificate.

I'm on page 8. MUAH.

April 24, 2009 at 12:44 PM  
Blogger Z said...

Huh. I think my thoughts would be more along the lines of, "blah blah blah blah blah. WTF is this?!?! I can't understand a word I'm reading. Oh, look! "THE" I know that one!!!"

See you tomorrow!!!

April 25, 2009 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

LOL... I LOVED this post. :) I am sharing it on facebook for all my erudite friends to laugh at. Ahem, I mean, WITH. ;-)

April 25, 2009 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger Captain Dumbass said...

I started Ulysses about 10 or so years ago. I haven't finished it yet.

April 26, 2009 at 1:29 PM  
Anonymous abdpbt said...

Worst book ever. No, scratch that--Finnegan's Wake is the worst book ever. This is a close second.

April 26, 2009 at 1:33 PM  

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