Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Cuckold

This weekend I decided that Husbandrinka and I needed to expand our vocabulary. I asked him if he agreed and he said "whatever" which translates to "yes, and you are the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen and I've seen many women, but not in an inappropriate way" so I asked him if he knew the origin of the word "cuckold". Because I like making conversation.

So for those of you still grappling with the English, cuckold means a man whose wife is having an affair.

My first issue with it is that I always thought that it was Cockhold, like the man whose wife is cheating on him is literally left there holding his own dick.

Apparently, that's not the case.

Cuckold is derived from the Old French for the cuckoo, cocu, with the pejorative suffix -ald. The earliest written use of the Middle English derivation, cokewold, occurs in 1250. The females of certain varieties of cuckoo lay their eggs in other bird’s nests, freeing themselves from the need to nurture the eggs to hatching.


Ok, that's from Wikpedia and it makes absolutely no sense. Like since when is "-ald" a pejorative suffix? Unless Archie is a fun name and ArchibALD is an insult. Like if you're trying to be friendly to someone, you'd say, "hey, your head is really b!" But if they were an enemy or something, you'd say "Hey, fucker, your head is bALD!"

And then females laying eggs? WHAT? Ok, so they lay the eggs and run off to do some shopping or whatever and how does that translate to a man whose wife is having an affair?

But I'm not going to reinvent language, so let's just take it as a given that a cuckold is a man whose wife is having an affair. And apparently somehow there's a connection to horns. And there is word that there was a funloving tradition of men whose wives were cheating on them being dragged out into the square and made to put on antlers to show that they have horns.

Cuckolds have sometimes been written as "wearing the horns of a cuckold" or just "wearing the horns". This refers to the fact that the man being cuckolded is the last to know of his wife's infidelity. He is wearing horns that can be seen by everybody but him. This also refers to a tradition claiming that in villages of unknown European location, the community would gather to collectively humiliate a man whose wife gives birth to a child recognizably not his own. According to this legend, a parade was held in which the hapless husband is forced to wear antlers on his head as a symbol of his wife’s infidelity.



Is it me, or is that like the worst surprise party ever? And do people just have antlers laying around their houses?

"Hey, Jane! Can I borrow that set of antlers? I have a surprise for Tommy this weekend."
"Sorry.Fucking Lucy, borrowed it last month and still hasn't returned them. Probably sodomizing someone with them, for all I know. Skank bitchald."

What new words did you use learn this weekend?

Have you checked out The Mouthy Housewives yet?

18 Comments:

Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

Gosh these linguistic meanderings are funny and pushing boundaries. And the intellectual banter is incredible...

...I haven't learnt a new word for about 6 years.

May 12, 2009 at 12:58 AM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Oh, Marinka, how I love thee.

Unfortunately, I can't remember having learned any new words lately. Unless you could the word "snizatch" and I don't, since I couldn't find it in the dictionary.

May 12, 2009 at 1:03 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

A parent called me the other day and told me she wasn't 'unliterate' and she knew what her child should be learning.

So, I learned a new word last week. I think the origin was in a trailer park.

May 12, 2009 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger Z said...

bwahaha - but I *DO* have a set o' horns lying around, in case you wanna throw a parade ;)

And no worries, these haven't been borrowed by any skanky bitch-alds for sodomizing (that I know of)!

May 12, 2009 at 6:17 AM  
Blogger Z said...

(Why do I have 'em? Dude, don't you know that no home decoration is complete without a set of horns and a mangy stuffed dead animal? No? Or is that just my *ahem* small-town upbringing rearing it's head?)

May 12, 2009 at 6:18 AM  
Blogger Me, Amplified said...

why can't the man see the horns? doesn't he own a mirror.. or isn't there a reflectory window or a still puddle nearby?

May 12, 2009 at 6:29 AM  
Anonymous LadyFi said...

Very funny!

Bizarrely enough, way out in the countryside where we are renting a little cottage, the kids and the dog found a big pair of antlers in the grounds .. for real!

As for those Mouthy Housewives - they're hilarious!

May 12, 2009 at 6:47 AM  
Anonymous Alison @ Cluck and Tweet said...

I usually start using a word before I actually know how to properly use it...like "exacerbate" was "asserbate" for quite a long while. I might like "asserbate" better. It leaves a lot to the imagination.

May 12, 2009 at 7:52 AM  
Blogger All Things BD said...

I used the word spurious the other day with my brother. Used it confidently. I have no idea what it means, but apparently when I said "we're having a spurious debate", I meant I was lying or that he's a bastard. Who knew.

May 12, 2009 at 8:17 AM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I didn't learn a new word, per se... but I learned that the f bomb sounds way worse coming from my three year old than when I say it. Hmmm.......

May 12, 2009 at 8:55 AM  
Anonymous Stepiphany said...

Oh god, please keep this up! That was so enlightening that I think I regrew some of my brain cells previously wasted by alcohol. I learned "whinge" over the weekend because I've subscribed to m-w.com's word of the day for the past seven years or so and I occasionally read the emails. I was really impressed to learn that it was a real word and not something my British friends just made up.

May 12, 2009 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger WA said...

I learned "cuckold" way back in high school from the many, many Jackie Collins novels I read instead of spending my time applying to good colleges.

May 12, 2009 at 10:41 AM  
Anonymous Inna said...

Abscond. Used in a sentence: Fucking Lucy absconded with your set of antlers.

Am currently thinking up questions for TMH. Maybe you can then abscond with my ideas and give me some nice adviceALD?

May 12, 2009 at 11:21 AM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

Wait...do i know you?

May 12, 2009 at 11:42 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

omphaloskepsis - the study of one's own navel.

May 12, 2009 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

Are you trying to scare your husband into spending more quality time with you via expanding your joint vocabulary?! Try picking a word, shall we say, less apt to send him off the pier in abject pain and shame. But if he looked it up, I'm sure it got his attention.

May 12, 2009 at 4:15 PM  
Blogger ingrid said...

loved this post :)

i like the word callipgyian.

not that i have one. i just imagine that i do. it makes me feel better about my volume issues.

May 12, 2009 at 4:39 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Awesome post...and Mouthy Housewives is my new favorite blog. Love it...especially the foreplay post, so awesome.

May 14, 2009 at 5:43 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home