Friday, March 6, 2009

The Bluest Eye

So everyone is mildly hysterical because there is a fertility clinic in New York that is offering designer babies. If you are like me and are excited by the idea of your baby coming home with interlocking Chanel C's or the Louis Vuitton fleur de lis on its ass, let me tell you that you're in for a whole lot of disappointment because according to these morons, "designer" means the ability to choose eye and hair color. Eh, what do you want, we're in a recession.

And yet that's not what the outrage is all about, shockingly. Apparently, people are upset about the whole "master race" and "eugenics" thing. Because clearly that's the great threat that is facing our country.

Am I alone in not being able to figure out why anyone gives a blue eyed devil fuck about this? I mean, the fertility clinic drector announced that within the next six months they'll allow parents to be the choose their children's eye and hair color. Where's the outrage about the six month delay? Are they getting color swatches or what?

So, I decided to quiz Husbandrinka about this and asked if we could have chosen our children's eye and hair color, what would he have chosen and he says, "dark". Clearly, this is an attack on this blue eyed, dyed blonde. So, wanting to be open minded (which is so fucking overrated, by the way), I ask "why" and he says "because it's genetically superior." "Like what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask him and he says, "What part of genetically superior are you struggling with?" and I say, "But don't you like my blue eyes?" and he says, "they're fine, but genetically inferior." So needless to say I am seething and say, "why do you get to decide what is genetically superior and inferior?!" and he says, "Yeah, I didn't decide that, it's just how it works." Which totally implies that I don't suffer from intellectual superiority.

So parents, rush out and get your blue eyed designer babies now! Because we've been genetically inferior long enough.



Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

My kids got my brown eyes and both feel cheated they did not get hubs hazel ones.

Still funny as you are about it, I'm thinking no.

March 6, 2009 at 1:19 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

Damn, I was so close to being first.

Would love to be a fly on the wall in your home, the dialogue between you and Husbandrinka is beautiful... long as you didn't swat me.

I wonder if it would be possible to choose a mutated genetic combination, so that one eye is red and the other eye is green.

Now THAT would be superior.

March 6, 2009 at 3:53 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Seriously, there was a news special in the 60's (after MLK, Jr. was killed) where a teacher convinced her class one day that blue eyes were superior and the next day changed it and said brown eyed kids were superior. The kids really turned on each other and got mean. It was fascinating (I watched a tape as the during the original airing I was an egg in my mother's ovaries and it was difficult to watch the light box).

I suspect Husbandrinka is picking a fight. I think you should get him back.

March 6, 2009 at 5:27 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Husbandrinka is a moron.I have told you this before. This, hoever, does not set him apart from other men, so don't despair. Clearly - there is only one superior kind of baby,and it does not matter what colour eyes or hair it has - as long as it is female.

March 6, 2009 at 5:46 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Im the Heny Ford of designer babies...Any colour as long as it's female.

March 6, 2009 at 6:39 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

I'm with you; I'm outraged by the six month delay. For the love of God, don't tell us you can do something until you can actually do it.

Where are we, and why are we in this handbasket?

March 6, 2009 at 7:00 AM  
Blogger The Dental Maven said...

How about designer baby knock-offs? Can I get one of them?

March 6, 2009 at 8:25 AM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Screw eye and hair color! Can we build 'em so they keep their damn rooms clean? Have you ever stepped on a Lego in the wee hours of the morning? F*ck me! They feel like daggers!

March 6, 2009 at 8:36 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

What about making them to ALWAYS obey their mother, NEVER roll their eyes at what mom says AND to go into a stasis period when they hit puberty? Can we get babies who do that?

March 6, 2009 at 8:40 AM  
Anonymous Coco said...

Wow. New one for me. I have never ever heard that said before. But what the hell....Green is it baby. Not hazel...but GREEN. But I like blue too. Mine were blue and changed to green. Happened to my daughter and my grandson as well.

Seriously, that sounds so racist. Too bad you couldn't some how slip blue contacts in on him while he was sleeping so he could go into full blown panic when he looked in the mirror.

March 6, 2009 at 8:55 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

I think Husbandrinka is confused - dominant and recessive does not equate to superior and inferior.

But what do I know, maybe I'm just being defensive because, I'm inferior according to him.

March 6, 2009 at 8:57 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Hey, I've got a matching set of four genetically inferior blue-eyeds.

Maybe they can design a model that doesn't need to eat all the time...

March 6, 2009 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

huh? what is so genetically superior about dark eyes and hair? I have them and obviously I am NOT genetically superior. Unless you count the ability to draw people to my blog with my sick, twisted mind and talk of sex toys a sign of genetic prowess.

I guess it's all a matter of perspective...

March 6, 2009 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Madge said...

dang. i totally wanted a kate spade baby. what's up with that?

March 6, 2009 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Since I don't want any more babies at all I'm going to let this one slide.

March 6, 2009 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger michelle said...

Daughter and I have blue. Hubby and other daughter are a beautiful chocolate brown eye color. The blue-eyed girls are the ones always complaining the sun is too bright even on cloudy winter days) and we need our sun glasses. I would love me some brown eyes in the summer to help with that awful light sensitivity. I don't know about genetics and superior, but I will go with convenient.

March 6, 2009 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

heheh!! Yeah, that's right!! You see, just like my brown skin is actually superior to that of a caucasian's coz that extra boost of melanin is just the thing to make me less susceptible to skin cancer!! *snick*snick*

March 6, 2009 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I would say, who cares about eyes and hair... if you want to make a master race... just make sure they're females!

And add some George Clooneys to keep us entertained.

March 6, 2009 at 11:19 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

How about ones who don't talk back as they get older? Any chance those are on the clinic's menu? Because I think my oldest son now has red eyes...

March 6, 2009 at 11:23 AM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

Sad, but I always wanted a kid with my blue eyes. I'm o for 3 so far. :)

Truly, I just want a cleaning kid. And maybe a non-back talking one. When they figure that out, I'll be interested.

March 6, 2009 at 11:34 AM  
Blogger funkimunkii said...

I would totally trade in my dog for a designer baby. do you think they make ones that are potty trained? or can at least use the "potty paper" in the corner unlike my dog that feels the need to pee on his toys, then tries to lick it up...

how about a kid that won't look me up and down and say "are you really going to wear that?"

March 6, 2009 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Maggie May said...

1 I am blue eyed and I'm pretty sure that it's a sign of genius.(no it's not)

2 The Bluest Eye made me cry (no it didn't)

3 I don't want so much control. I already think I'm God. (no I don't)

March 6, 2009 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Tell Husbandrinka that in this house the genetically inferior rule - my husband is the only one with brown eyes.

March 6, 2009 at 12:29 PM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

yeah, you know, technically, cancer cells are "genetically superior" as well, but i don't wanna breed them into my kids. but that's just me.

March 6, 2009 at 12:51 PM  
Blogger The Mind of a Mom said...

well it looks like the eyes have it, this is truly as you say f&*ked-up!
Seriously who does this stuff and will the first one to try it be proud enough to say she is a bigot? Just wondering out loud...

March 6, 2009 at 12:55 PM  
Blogger Keyona said...

I used to cry because I wanted red hair and green eyes (even though I'm black) and now I can get a baby like that! Yay!

March 6, 2009 at 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Kibbles said...

"What part of genetically superior are you struggling with?"


That Husbandrinka was quite the catch!

March 6, 2009 at 1:40 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Where's the store where I can buy one of these superior babies? Surely I don't have to go thru the pain and suffering to get one. What the fuck would I be paying these people for?

March 6, 2009 at 2:01 PM  
Blogger Kari said...

Yes, this is definitely the biggest problem facing the nation. Get with the program Marinka! What are you? Genetically defective or something?

March 6, 2009 at 2:20 PM  
Blogger ModernMom said...

On a more serous note....if I dare :) Who is going to montior these genius' to truly make sure the world's demographic doesn't start to morph into some freaksih state where every child looks the same?
When I was pregnant I didn't even bother to find out if it was a boy or a girl. Just thanked god that they were healthy!

March 6, 2009 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

Dark eyes are superior? Your husband was born in the right decade for *that* little belief, wasn't he?


March 6, 2009 at 7:25 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Did he share his definition of "superior"? And whether he did or not, I'm thinking there's an opportunity for a jewel-encrusted apology if you play this one right.

March 6, 2009 at 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

clearly this is inspired by a racist sect. I mean, what the hell?! What about some color changing gray eyed kid?

March 6, 2009 at 9:15 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

This green eyed girl is really pissed off at husbandrinka.

This was my favorite: "Where's the outrage about the six month delay? Are they getting color swatches or what?"

March 6, 2009 at 9:27 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

my blue eyed girl and my blue eyed self out number the green eyed man in the household. therefore, blue is genetically superior.

March 6, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger Mary Moore said...

Oh, for god's sake...I am pretty sure bald is the most genetically superior...

March 6, 2009 at 10:28 PM  
Blogger Z said...

Since I happen to have "dark" hair and eyes, I'm with Husbandrinka on this one. Until I go grey (which... um... is starting to happen. Stress much?) - then that will be genetically superior.

Oh, and I am just now getting to my backlog of posts I've marked to comment on and havent had the time (ie ALL of yours) - so expect an inundation of random comments on posts from ages ago :)

March 7, 2009 at 8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dark hair and eyes are genetically superior in that they are dominant if you mate a dark hair + eyes person (who had both parents with dark hair + eyes) with a light hair + eyes person, the kid will most likely come out with dark hair + eyes. yay for genetic superiority!

- black hair, brown eyes

March 7, 2009 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

What happens if there is a mix up at the clinic and your designer baby comes out looking like a Wal-Mart baby. Do they have and exchange policy?

March 7, 2009 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Threeboys1mommy said...

I heard those designer babies are all bootleg.

March 8, 2009 at 4:35 AM  
Blogger Eryn at said...

Oh man, this takes me right back to my husband getting INSANELY angry with me for tell him that this girl he had a crush on in high school was a mutant.

I meant it literally, but I was joking. See, she had one yellow eye, and one green eye, and while he was explaining her beauty to me, I said "OH! So she's a mutant!" Because, I guess husbandrinka and I are just very literal and matter of fact about genetics.

You tell husbandrinka that he has a kindred spirit somewhere in the world (rural Washington, sadly) and that I understand how hard it is to be so so so misunderstood.

(Sorry to all the people with different colored eyes, I mean "mutant" with all the love in my heart)

March 11, 2009 at 5:00 AM  

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