Thursday, March 5, 2009

This is What It Sounds Like When Men Cry

I can't stand it when men cry. I've seen my husband cry twice--first was when our daughter was born, he teared up (when our son was born, I did the tearing--hello, episiotomy!) and when his best friend was diagnosed with bile duct cancer. Those tears I understood, and not just because I love him. But watching the Bachelor weep hysterically in deciding between two whores made me mildly nauseated. And it made me want to sign him up for the Marines or something. Oh and don't be all "your poor son, you won't let him express his emotions." Please. My son has built a Wailing Wall in his room so that he can mourn all the Wii injustices properly. It's grown men I'm talking about. Grown men who are a little too in touch with their feminine sides.

Also, I can't stand it when men eat sweets. I think I inherited that from my mother who is fat-phobic and once referred to a man, with derision, as "a sweet eater". I assumed that it was some kind of code, but she told me that she'd seen him at a party eating cake. "Disgusting," she said. I fully admit that this doesn't make sense, and yet it irritates me to see a man eating dessert. I assume that it's either because I feel very competetive about the volume of desserts out there and want to make sure that I have enough, but I am not ruling out the possibility that I may be insane, too.

Oh, and I took over Vodka Mom's blog today. And to express my graditude for letting me guest post, I misspelled her name. I think that her poor readers are going to go on a hunger strike until she comes back or something. Which will leave many snacks for me, so win-win!


Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

Am I first?

I think the dessert thing may be a Slavic thing. I'll hold off telling you why until later.

March 5, 2009 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said... laced marzipan bunnies. Mmmmm....


March 5, 2009 at 8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would never find it crazy for a woman to be turned off by a man eating pie. I would however be turned off and simultaneously go crazy should I have to hear another story of a woman on TV being taken as second best.
Who in their right fucking mind lets that happen?

March 5, 2009 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

Sweets were made for women only. Men should stay the hell away from it. The End.

March 5, 2009 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I've never heard of derision for a man who eats sweets, but that is just the kind of insanity I can embrace. Thanks for the idea!

March 5, 2009 at 9:13 AM  
Anonymous denise said...

I don't watch the bachelor. I really can't stand to see all of these women who "love" when they don't even know him!!! I will admit I did watch part of it this time. It was so hyped up, I had to see what was going to happen. Fortunately I only had to see him cry once and then I feel asleep and didn't see the rest of part one or any of part two. He is a disgrace to all men! (On a side note, I read a blog that claims to be from one of the girls friends. She wrote that Molly is pregnant. Probably just bull.)

March 5, 2009 at 9:24 AM  
Blogger Angie Ledbetter said...

Love your comment box comment! Great job over at RumMom's.

March 5, 2009 at 9:27 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

I'm with you. Hold your $#!+ together, man.

Except, I have no problem with men eating sweets, unless he's eating MY sweets, then all bets are off.

March 5, 2009 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

I think you would be fine with my condectionary habits, I go for creme eggs and marsbars. Or do you count them as sweets?

March 5, 2009 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger The Panic Room said...

I totally agree. I never cry unless I've drank like a a couple two bottles of vodka and am crawling around on the floor throwing up on myself I tend to sob. But I'm so drunk out of my mind that I get the luxury of claiming that it was the dirty alcohol that made me weak and weep.

And I hate sweets. I never eat anything unless it is something that tastes better when it's scorched over an open flame.

March 5, 2009 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Mary Moore said...

I don't get the sweets thing...but whatever. I don't get most things.

And yeah, Jason crying made me want to beat him with a big stick.

March 5, 2009 at 10:20 AM  
Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

Good job over at Rummmmmmom'a place...however, I'm not sure I'll be able to say that any better when I'm shitfaced. ;)

March 5, 2009 at 10:56 AM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

what about cake in the shape of tits? are men allowed to eat that?

March 5, 2009 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

Thank you Marinka. Until today, I thought I was alone in the world. I hate watching men eat sweets too. Men should be restricted to Man Snacks like beef jerky, pistachios, and chips 'n salsa.

March 5, 2009 at 11:06 AM  
Anonymous Aimee said...

You are freaking hilarious! Weep hysterically in deciding between two whores!! Haha! That shit brought tears to my eyes!

March 5, 2009 at 11:11 AM  
Blogger Jane! said...

Good job at Vodka Mom's.
I wonder why I've never been here before.
Anyway, I'm with you on the sweets but I always thought I chose a non-sweet eater just so I wouldn't have to share cheesecake. Share and cheesecake should never be used in the same sentence.

March 5, 2009 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

that poor fucking bastard having to choose between two whores. Were they drunken whores?

March 5, 2009 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

oh, and thanks for helping a whore, I mean friend, out.
I owe ya one........

March 5, 2009 at 11:47 AM  
Blogger miss bridget said...

I couldn't agree more. Men shouldn't be whinging especially over that. It's sad and self indulgent. Oh no, I have an array of phoney women who all claim they want me. Quick, pass the tissues, I can feel another weepy moment coming on! Get over yourself and ask someone out - like normal people! Rant over, thank you!

March 5, 2009 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

I have to admit - I enjoyed your blog over at Vokd...I mean Rum Mom's place. I had to go back and read everything (ok, almost) she's written. Good job!
As for the sweets thing...I kinda don't mind Hubby eating a sweet or two, as long as they're his and not mine. Once he TRIED to eat my chocolates, he ALMOST came back with a nub. It didn't matter that my mouth was hurting and I couldn't eat the chocolate...they were MINE and it was CHOCOLATE - Hello?! Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on someone else's blog comment - didn't mean to be rude.

March 5, 2009 at 11:55 AM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

may i also just say, as a feminist, i find the usage of the word "whore" misogynistic? it's like my mom used to say, "you fuck a few dozen men for money, and soon people are calling you a 'whore.'" it's offensive.

March 5, 2009 at 12:40 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

I eat an absurd amount of sweets- my girlfriend calls me Cookie Monster. I have no remorse over this.

If you hate men who cry, you really must have hated Jason on The Bachelor.

March 5, 2009 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

Alright, I have no idea why...but your dessert thing, with men...I TOTALLY get it. I don't like myself for getting it, mind you, but I do.

March 5, 2009 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Chocolates! I will tolerate anything but a man eating MY chocolates!! Which is why I'm going steadily crazy now coz my dad seems to think that the chocolates people have gifted him on his birthday are actually his! Luckily, I am awake later than he is..*snicker*!

March 5, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Anonymous misguided mommy said...

Oh my gosh. Every single time my husband and I watch The Biggest Loser we always yell at the TV STOP CRYING YOU BIG FRIGGING BABIES! Seriously, it is like a requirement of biggest loser that you must be a big wussy man and cry every episode!


March 5, 2009 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger miss cavendish said...

I don't like when men carry shopping bags.

March 5, 2009 at 2:24 PM  
Blogger Kari said...

Now that song is going to be stuck in my head all day...

March 5, 2009 at 2:29 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

"watching the Bachelor weep hysterically in deciding between two whores made me mildly nauseated"

It just doesn't get any better than that... I love this blog.

March 5, 2009 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

DO you count what the Bachelor did as actually crying? I think when you have to pull a pube it doesn't count.

March 5, 2009 at 2:53 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

DO you count what the Bachelor did as actually crying? I think when you have to pull a pube it doesn't count.

March 5, 2009 at 2:54 PM  
Blogger Marinka said...

And don't get me started on men who cry while eating dessert. Just don't.

March 5, 2009 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

That bachelor guy is the biggest friggin pansy out there. No dessert for him.

March 5, 2009 at 4:16 PM  
Blogger Elenka said...

Well, found you from Vodka Mom. Good job! Will be checking in on ya now that I know you exist!

March 5, 2009 at 5:56 PM  
Blogger The Mind of a Mom said...

That Bachelor guy was a jerk and a cry baby! He needs his butt kicked into manhood, or maybe he needs cake :o)

March 5, 2009 at 6:35 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

Men crying, it's the worst. And men who cry when you're dumping them? OMG. Not only am I still dumping you, but now I might hit you with my car on the way out.

March 5, 2009 at 7:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's funny you mentioned this, 'cause all I hear when men cry is, "Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah. Blah." Or something.

The bit about being disgusted by men eating sweets? That's weird, dooood. Weird. I think it's just that you don't want to share. Just a hunch.

March 5, 2009 at 8:05 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Oh my goodness. I'm glad my son isn't the only one who weeps copiously over Wii injustices. "It cheated! It cheated!" Yeah, right.

Didn't watch the bachelor, but loved your line. He deserved it.

March 5, 2009 at 9:17 PM  
Blogger LuckyMe said...

I don't care what they say. You ROCKED IT in the boozey kindergarten.

Now I wish I had the balls to be as non PC as you and say men who cry over a 6 week GF in front of NATIONAL TV CAMERAS are pussies. But I got no balls so I danced around it on my blog. I think it's b/c my hubby cries frequently; I never cry and I've been questioning my own sensitivity.

So Jason goes from crying inconsolably over one girl to asking the other one to MARRY HIM!!! Yeah, that makes sense!

I get the dessert thing, too.

March 5, 2009 at 9:59 PM  
Blogger Anna Lefler said...

I agree completely on the man crying thing. I'll take it to the point of a sniffle at childbirth. Okay. Putting his dog to sleep? Of course - bring on the sobs. Anything else is just wrong.

I'll be curious to see at what point our son - who cries enough for all of us - will dry up. Does the body secrete something that stops the man tears? And can I buy it over the Internet?

And desserts? That's just femmy. Total turnoff.

March 5, 2009 at 10:34 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

That guest post ROCKED.

I think this post is exactly what Prince was getting at:

Maybe I'm just like my Mother, she's never satisfied (with desserts)

March 5, 2009 at 10:41 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Ugh I want to reach thru the damn tv and slap the men who start balling on the biggest loser. I wouldnt watch the Bachelor if someone paid me. Sorry.
On a lighter note, my contest started today, stop by and enter!

March 5, 2009 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

My husband is a total crier. I'm always like, "Oh god. Not again. Seriously? Are you seriously crying? Buck up man."

March 5, 2009 at 11:38 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

Does ice cream count as sweets? I buy ice cream for the kids (for one of them it's the only dairy he will eat) and every evening large amounts of it disappear down the husbands throat. Cue children crying when they demand their yummy dessert and we find the freezer empty.

I don't think I have seen the husband cry for a long time. Oh, except that time when we got in first and he found the ice cream carton empty :-)

March 6, 2009 at 12:12 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

My husband never cries. But he often gets "something" in his eyes.

March 6, 2009 at 6:03 AM  
Blogger Swistle said...

You know how some men complain that women have an unfair advantage in a fight because they can cry? Or maybe I'm just making that up, but stay with me because I need that premise for what I'm going to say next, which is that it is TOTALLY OPPOSITE at our house. My husband takes my tears as par for the course, but if he cries THE FIGHT IS OVER AND HE CAN HAVE HIS WAY AS LONG AS HE STOPS THAT GIRLY CRYING BEFORE I NEVER WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM AGAIN.

March 6, 2009 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger SSQuo said...

Little tooo much into crying I get, but if they cry once in a year or three or eight, I think its fine.

Bachelor arghhhh, why even bother, its probably the glycerine!

March 12, 2009 at 4:10 PM  

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