Gather around kids, mommy has a story for you!

So, someone mentioned to me that one day my children may read my blog and that maybe I should make this blog more child friendly. My first reaction is along the lines of fuck that shit, but then I thought that I'd give it a try and write a child friendly post about men. Here I go! Is everyone cozy wozy? Aren't you the cutest little reader? Yes, you are! You are!

One day, many, many months before the happiest day of mommy's life when she met daddy, mommy had another friend. Peter was a boy, and he and mommy were very good friends. They were such good friends that they lived together in an apartment, because sometimes friends do that because it is friendly. So one day, mommy wakes up to see Peter in the kitchen, cleaning the refrigerator. Mommy notices that steam seems to be coming out of Peter's ears and that he looks angry. So mommy walks into the kitchen and says "hi!" because mommy is very polite and Peter grumbles because he is not as polite and that is one of the reasons that he is not your daddy. The other reason is that he told mommy that he never wants to see her again, but that's not today's story. So mommy ignores the grumbling and has some coffee and then Peter slams the refrigerator door (how rude!) and says, "You never clean the refrigerator!" It turns out that Peter put some Chinese food leftovers in the refrigerator to see how long it would be before mommy cleaned it out and it turned out that the answer to that was "infinity" because mommy has good manners and doesn't take other people's stuff. She trusts them to take care of their own stuff.
Mommy thought that Peter was a weirdo for doing this Chinese food-refrigerator experiment, although maybe a more accurate term would be "eccentric".

Mommy and Peter stopped being friends after a while and mommy got a new friend. After a few more friends, mommy met daddy and she decided that he was going to be her friend forever or at least until someone asked her if she was his mother, because mommy has heard of that happening as couples get older and mommy will not put up with that.

So, mommy and daddy are good friends, except in December when daddy's own mom and dad came to visit and they stayed in the guest bedroom, and used daddy's bathroom, so that mommy and daddy were forced to share a bathroom. Mommy thought that the bathroom sharing went very well, but apparently daddy had a lot of steam coming out of his ears. And last night he told mommy that in the past twenty five days she has not put the cap back on the toothpaste once. Although mommy is proud of daddy's counting, for some reason this reminds her of Peter's experiment.

Has daddy been marking off each day that the toothpaste cap was off?
Has daddy been getting angry every day that the toothpaste cap was off?
Why didn't daddy tell mommy about it before Day 25?

So, the lesson that we learn today, children, is that either all men are weirdos or mommy is a lazy slob.

Good night!