Monday, September 21, 2009

Vows

For about twenty seconds, pre-Husbandrinka and I considered writing our own vows and then we were like, "eh, let's just use the traditional ones because they seem to cover everything and besides, we're busy and lazy". Over the years, I've started to see the errors of our ways.

Don't get me wrong, traditional vows are fine if you and your beloved are on the same page, but if you're on the different floors of your local bookstore, the traditional vows aren't going to do shit for you.

For example. Love, honor, whatever. Ok. Got it.

But there's a lot that's implied. And if there's not total agreement about what's implied, it's going to lead to what I will call a spot of marital discord.

One of the things that I say is implied is that if you find something or someone annoying, your spouse must agree, no questions asked, or if they are asked, they should be asked in quiet and deferential terms. I happily do this for my husband. Sure, it's not that much of a stretch for me because I find everyone highly annoying, but still, it's the principle here.

And you'd think that he would return the favor.
And yet he won't.
Because he hates me and doesn't respect the institution of marriage.

Like the other day, we were driving somewhere and while we were at a red light, I looked over and saw a mom, dad and a teenage daughter on the sidewalk, each one with some kind of frozen drink from Starbucks. And they were all sucking the drink from straw. Simultaneously. OMG, how annoying is that?

"Would you look at them!" I alerted Husbandrinka. "So fucking annoying."
He looked over and shrugged. "Doesn't bother me one bit."
"Are you kidding me?" I asked. "The three of them standing there, in some kind of a synchronized slurping event? That's totally annoying."
"It's not against the law to have Starbucks," he maintained.

Fortunately, the light changed shortly thereafter, but I continued to seethe for hours.
Because what is the fucking point of marriage if you can't be co-annoyed by the same things.

No wonder family values are suffering in America.

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22 Comments:

Blogger Julie B. said...

That's why I thank God for my BFF everyday. When the husband fails over and over..she's my girl! And so sad that I am attracted to men because I could have just had the complete package in her ;)

September 21, 2009 at 2:47 PM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

Can Russian Athiest-Jews be nominated for Sainthood? 'Cause you should totally be in the running for the shit you have to put up with.

September 21, 2009 at 5:00 PM  
Blogger Notes From the Grove said...

Hahaha! Those kinds of things bug the shit out of me too. And not for any good reason other than it's just plain old annoying. He should totally agree with you! Even if it's just to be agreeable.

September 21, 2009 at 5:38 PM  
Anonymous Carrie @ Who Knew? said...

This is why all women should marry other women. Even if they aren't gay. Because if a woman had been in the car with you she would have gone along with you even if she didn't find it quite so offensive.

September 21, 2009 at 6:59 PM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

Never slurping.
And never slurping in a crowd.

September 21, 2009 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Really? At the same time?
How could he not get that??
I don't know how you put up with his crap...

September 21, 2009 at 8:10 PM  
Blogger marathon mom said...

Yeah totally agree. Men just don't get it - it's been proven. So, there should be some kind of allowance for this in the vows. The part that scares me is sickness and health - cuz DH has had way more than his fair share of the sick days and it's only been 12 years!

September 21, 2009 at 8:38 PM  
Blogger OHmommy said...

They are probably from Ohio, yo! Slurping in crowds is all the rage this fall.

September 21, 2009 at 8:40 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Synchronized slurping?! Sounds like a new Olympic event.

September 21, 2009 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Marinka said...

Yes, Beth. A synchronized event in HELL.

September 21, 2009 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger miss cavendish said...

At first I thought they were drinking from the same straw. Now that would move well beyond annoying . . .

September 21, 2009 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

More importantly, were they also wearing knee socks and sneakers while slurping their Starbucks? That would be really annoying!

September 21, 2009 at 11:37 PM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I think I love Husbandrinka, but not in a husband-stealing way. More like, "Thank God he's around so Marinka has so much blog fodder to amuse me with."

Because really? It's all about me.

September 22, 2009 at 2:11 AM  
Blogger Sophie said...

isn't it annoying the way men never get annoyed at important things like coordinated slurpers, but will always get annoyed at stuff that is totally not their business, like how you prefer to slow your car down for a while behind a truck instead of trying to pass it in like a 100mph?

September 22, 2009 at 4:52 AM  
Blogger nicola said...

I think the point here is that they were clearly on an organised day-release outing. Mum, Dad and teenager, choosing to spend daylight hours together, in public? I think not. It's sympathy you should be feeling for their painfully awful back-story. Starbucks is just a cover.

September 22, 2009 at 6:47 AM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

Nothing pisses me off more than when my husband isn't upset about the same things. Total marital discord? I THINK SO.

September 22, 2009 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

Ugh! What IS it with the husbands? I TOTALLY agree with you, Marinka! He SHOULD have been on your side!

September 22, 2009 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

I got so annoyed when my husband doesn't get annoyed at the things I find annoying.

So annoying.

And that Starbucks thing is completely annoying. I hate people that get those big slush drinks, even if they don't drink them simultaneously. Just get a normal latte and call it a day. You don't have to consume 10,000 calories in one drink.

September 22, 2009 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Wicked Bitch, Latina Fatale said...

OMG you need to get a divorce. NOW! hehe

September 22, 2009 at 12:29 PM  
Anonymous Vicki said...

Yeah, WTF. Just reading about this event made me annoyed on your behalf at the slurpers,then annoyed on your behalf at Husbandrinka, then annoyed that Mr. B probably would say the same thing as Husbandrinka if we encountered a similar situation. In fact, I might yell at him when I get home today. There's nothing against judging people you don't know in our vows, either.

September 22, 2009 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger Smart A$$ Mom said...

When I said 'In Football season and Baseball season' the priest got really annoyed with me.

September 22, 2009 at 3:23 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Completely annoying!

My husband never says anything bad about anyone. Ugh.

September 22, 2009 at 9:25 PM  

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