Monday, April 6, 2009

Why I Curse

Some people think that mommy bloggers curse to appear tough. Bullshit.

I curse on my blog because I hardly ever curse in real life. Except when I'm talking, that is. But like when I'm asleep or something, I don't curse at all. Really, a priest and a rabbi could sleep with me and they wouldn't be offended at all. I mean, they could sleep in the same room as me, not SLEEP WITH ME, obviously.

But in all seriousness, I've never cursed in front of my children and that's quite a feat, considering that they are 7 and 10 years old, with strong personalities. I had to clean up my potty mouth because I didn't want them being all "hey, Grandma, where's my motherfucking Christmas present?" Because that's the kind of mom I am: Uptight.

My kids have remained so curse-word-free that at age 7, my son thinks that the "s" word is "shut up" and the "f" word is "fart". I may have pulled a few muscles patting myself on the back for that one.

So, really, I'm not tough. I'm just worried that if I don't curse on this blog, I will implode. And start cursing in my sleep.



Blogger Cindy said...

You say whatever your lil' heart desires. I think you have a great following :)

I so laugh about this because my hubby doesn't even say damn!

April 6, 2009 at 10:49 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

I get it! I rarely curse around my kids, but I swear like a sailor in my head. If I didn't let it out somewhere, there would be no living with me.

So, say whatever the fuck you want!

April 6, 2009 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

I avoid cursing on my blog because I do enough in my real life - aloud or in my mind. Plus, the meaningful inflection you can give "fuck" just doesn't quite come through on the written page.

April 6, 2009 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger Elaine A. said...

You gotta get it out somewhere, right? Good point.

April 6, 2009 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Patty said...

Oh, you make me laugh every single day - and I thank you for that! Now if I could just start watching my "s" word in front of my child, and no, it's not "shut-up"! But he does repeat it just perfectly...which is not a good thing.

April 6, 2009 at 11:09 AM  
Blogger Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

SO true! I can't really curse at home at all, nor at work really. My blog is where my inner sailor-mouth gets to exercise a bit.

Well, until I was outed at work. Now I have to watch even on the blog which completely sucks.

My 2 yr old has started to say "dammit" and uses it in correct context at all times. I've been waiting for Husband to blame me. I've probably slipped in front of him before, but not really since he's started talking, so I'm blaming some punk kid at nursery school.

April 6, 2009 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger Kabbalah Rookie said...

When I was 3 or 4 years on, I went to a small bonfire party at an aunt's house. One of the fireworks wouldn't light, despite repeated attempts, and after watching the failure apparently I sighed and said "Well, that's fucked up then". No idea where I got it from. It won't have been from my Mum or my Dad. And I have never cursed since.

Oh, for fuck's sake, who am I kidding?

Keep up the good work - cursing or not, your blogs are hilarious. x

April 6, 2009 at 11:21 AM  
Blogger daydreamymama said...

I've been attempting to clean up my potty mouth since Little Man was born, 4 years now. Once when he was 2ish, my 12-year-old niece and I were walking him down a long set of stairs, and he dropped the F-bomb, very emphatically. My niece and I looked at each other over his head, open-mouthed, while he cackled away, delighted with himself.
I don't think my clean-up efforts were going that well.

April 6, 2009 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Anna Lefler said...

OMG, we are the same person. (I realize this is news you may greet with something less than jubilation. Nevertheless.)

I have managed not to lose it around my kids (9 and 10) yet, either. I do tend to make up words to let the steam out, though - does that take away from my glory?

If, so, then those mother-frockers who are judging me can just eat schlip and die.

As for why I curse - that's simple: it keeps me from shooting up post offices.

April 6, 2009 at 11:39 AM  
Anonymous Elle said...

For the longest time our 10 year old thought the "S" word was "stupid". I haven't done so well with our youngest. We had a contractor over the house and he dind't know. He walked out of his room, saw the contractor and said "What the hell are you doing?" Oops!

April 6, 2009 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Maelstrom said...

Someone I know was waiting in line at a restaurant a few years back when his youngest son asked, a little too loudly, "Dad, what does 'cunt' mean?"

April 6, 2009 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

I don't curse much in real life either. It's sort of freeing to throw out a swear word now and then on my blog. But I'm kind of prissy on my blog too.

April 6, 2009 at 11:57 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

I think I've been doing it wrong. I don't curse on my blog because my grandma reads it, and now my son is parroting what I say at home...which isn't really good.

April 6, 2009 at 11:59 AM  
Blogger SoMi's Nilsa said...

You have officially become my role model. Because up until this moment, I wasn't sure what I'd do about my cursing problem when I have kids.

April 6, 2009 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I couldn't curse if I tried...I sound like a freak when I do it and I don't know the appropriate place to put it in a sentence to make it sound good or how I want it! :)

April 6, 2009 at 12:15 PM  
Blogger KiKi said...

Love this post.

When I first started my blog, I swore every other'd think "fuck" was the only phrase in my bag of tricks. Over the past few months I've gotten away from swearing too much. Geeze, now I'm not going to look tough! teehee. Coincidentally, since I've let up a little bit (not all the way, trust me, I still am foul mouthed) on my blog with the swearing...I've been slipping a teensy bit in front of my 6 yr old. Yikes!

April 6, 2009 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

that's hysterical! in the meantime, my 2 year old thinks that "sit" not what we do when we want to rest, rather it's what we say when we're really mad about something.

April 6, 2009 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

You're not crude -- you're colorful. In fact, you're damn near a one-woman rainbow.

April 6, 2009 at 12:45 PM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

The 'f' word is 'fart'.


Are you telling me there's another 'f' word?

April 6, 2009 at 12:53 PM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

How the fuck have you never sworn in front of your children? You deserve a medal.

April 6, 2009 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Well, reading back over some old posts, sorry to tell you that you don't swear much here either. I guess you do it inside your head and just think it was out loud someplace.

April 6, 2009 at 12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't swear on my blog for the same reason.

I used to have quite the potty mouth (I really was a sailor before my kid was born) and I can't stop myself from swearing, unless I stop all the time (even on my freakin' blog).

Congrats on the curse free kids. I have my fingers crossed for mine.

April 6, 2009 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger The Dental Maven said...

Okay, as long as we're all confessing here...Yup, I can get some serious truck-driver lexicon goin', and my 8 year old knows it. He also knows if I wind up having to speak with the school principal about his truck-driver lexicon HE IS TOAST!!

April 6, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

I'm a non-curser in real life and on my blog - but on occasion I throw one out there while talking to my husband or emailing him, just to get a reaction. Yep, I'm boring like that.

April 6, 2009 at 2:02 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

While I mainly curse on comments, rather than on my blog. Two-faced...that's me.

April 6, 2009 at 2:07 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

so glad we can provide a cursing outlet for you! my kids think fart is the f-word, too. we'll see how long that lasts!

April 6, 2009 at 2:41 PM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

why o why do I drink coffee when I read your blog?! My computer monitor will never be the same!!
Sleeping with a rabbi.... hahahahahah!!!!

Good job! My son learnt 'fuck' when he was 2 and said it at the top of his voice at the airport. It was a 2 hour delay and I would have liked to echo him...anyway, we got it 'unlearnt' after that

April 6, 2009 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Spill it! We're all adults here and it's not like kids are reading. I have to watch it at home, too. My kids try their hardest to give me grief 'cos they want me to curse so they can say something awful at school one day where the blame will fall solely on the parent. Nope! I'm not falling for it. I'll just scare people in Bloggerland for now.

April 6, 2009 at 2:49 PM  
Anonymous Nydia said...

Fucking hilarious!!

I'm also an NYC Mom but not as discipline as you -- I curse up a storm and just tell my kid they're Mommy words ... one day, however, someone contradicted me and told him it was a 'bad' word and he felt the need to tell me that I couldn't say "Fruck" anymore ... So I complied ... and stopped saying "fruck" around him ...

April 6, 2009 at 3:05 PM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

Tuesday's blog: Why I Drink.
Wednesday's blog: Why I Smoke Crack.
Thursday's blog: Why I Embezzled Millions From My "Friends."
Friday's blog: Why I Killed My Husband (hint: it has to do with him making me do housework).
Saturday's blog: Why I Hate the Fuckin' Cops & American Judicial System.
Sunday's blog: Why I Won't Be Blogging for 25 - Life.

April 6, 2009 at 3:34 PM  
Blogger Julie B. said...

That's actually pretty amazing. Lately I have been cursing so much in front of my almost 4 year old and I don't know how she hasn't picked up yet.

April 6, 2009 at 4:34 PM  
Blogger Elisa said...

Hey, we all need our outlets. It's either cursing or drinking... more ;-)

April 6, 2009 at 4:36 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

They say that admitting is the first sign of swear back at me! :)

April 6, 2009 at 4:52 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I only swear when I write, and I don't know what the fuck is up with that shit.

April 6, 2009 at 5:14 PM  
Blogger lizspin said...

I only curse when I'm yelling at my daughters. Other than that, I'm swear free!!!!

April 6, 2009 at 5:20 PM  
Blogger Madge said...

I do swear in front of my kids. They are very proficient in the use of several four letter words.... I'm pretty ok with it too...

April 6, 2009 at 5:45 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

My poor son has to remind me not to say "fuck" in front of his ultra conservative grandparents. It doesn't stop me from swearing, sadly.

April 6, 2009 at 7:18 PM  
Blogger Joanie M said...

You know, I never said Fuck until I had kids.

April 6, 2009 at 7:34 PM  
Blogger A New England Life said...

I don't usually swear in front of the kids, though I should since they are teenagers. Their grandparent (my parents) swear in front of them all the time! Nice.

Doesn't bother me that you swear. Sometimes you just have too!

April 6, 2009 at 7:38 PM  
Blogger Nap Warden said...

I used to have the dirtiest mouth on the planet (when I traded stocks on the floor) I have cleaned it up sooo much since becoming a Mommy.

I must get it out in my sleep;)

April 6, 2009 at 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a quick question: Will John ever be answering those questions? Thanks!

April 6, 2009 at 8:04 PM  
Blogger Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I curse a lot, especially when stressed. And even sometimes around the kids, but I try not to, because otherwise would be very very bad.

April 6, 2009 at 8:36 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

My kids think 'butt' is a conjunction. They're in for a shock when they get to high school, but for now, kudos to you and kudos to me, goddammit!

April 6, 2009 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger ModernMom said...

LOL In our house the "c" word is crap...and my 7 year old trid it out on our family vacation. I nearly turned blue trying not to laugh.
Great Post

April 6, 2009 at 9:46 PM  
Blogger Threeboys1mommy said...

Well deserved pat my friend. I blurted the F bomb in a fit of road rage once and of course it is etched in their vocabulary forever, so yeah blog curse all you want.

April 7, 2009 at 4:46 AM  
Blogger A Woman Of No Importance said...

Marinka, I have it the other way around - No cursing on the blog, while I turn the air blue with swearwords in reality, but not usually at work...

My son (17, so no longer so susceptible to my language, which I curtailed when he was small), says I suffer from Stress Tourettes!

April 7, 2009 at 5:06 AM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

my 3 year old has busted me. She says "Holy Crap" and "Oh. My. God." (just like that, too. Great inflection, that one...)

April 7, 2009 at 6:12 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

I swear all the time.
It makes me feel fucking fantastic.

April 7, 2009 at 7:03 AM  
Blogger Dolphinmomcca said...

My middle child Caden had his own "oops" one day, when I stubbed my toe and yelled "MOTHER!" and didnt finish the other word because the kids were there, but he ended up saying "fucker?" and finishing the sentence for me.....then his face turned BRIGHT RED....and he got so embarrassed and started crying!! my kids almost never listen to me, but they KNOW swearing IS NOT acceptable out of their mouths, and the poor kid thought he would be in trouble and all I could do was laugh hysterically at him, because it was SOOO innocent, it just popped out of his mouth to help mom finish her sentence....heheh

April 7, 2009 at 7:11 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

If my kids said that to Grandma she would totally take it in stride.

Grandma curses like a sailor.

April 7, 2009 at 8:42 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

I don't curse much either, except for the occasional "dammit!" when I'm really irritated, though I try very hard to avoid even that in front of my children. Of course, that hasn't stopped my son from inventing his own expletive. Which is "Crapfish!" I have no idea where or how he came up with that. If he were just saying "Crap" it would be easy to insist on nipping "the c word" in the bud. But pair it with "fish" and I just want to giggle. I know. I'm a bad mother.

April 7, 2009 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I'm the same way. My kids have never heard me curse. They must be hard of hearing.

April 8, 2009 at 7:34 PM  

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