Thursday, April 2, 2009


So, as a blogger, I have a few things going against me. First, my name isn't Jennifer. Then, I don't understand the whole "blogging exploits kids" concept and I'm not offended by the term "mommy blogger".
But one way that I am a blogger is that I've decided to throw caution to the wind, engage all cliches and write a book. I told Husbandrinka this news and he said "ok", which isn't the enthusiastic support for my artistic endeavors that I'd hoped for, but not everyone can be a Jon to to my Dooce. So we were driving to Niagara Falls for part of the kids' spring break, and it's about five and a half hours (the drive, not the kids' vacation) and I decide to tell him my book ideas. And because I'm a friendly and considerate person, I preface it with a "want to hear about my book idea?" and even though everyone knows that the only acceptable answer to that is "yes, please!" he says, "do I have a choice?" which really sets the tone for the rest of the drive. Because, and you'll recall that I'm not a licensed motorist, but I'm guessing that it's hard to drive while being strangled. "Yes, you have a choice," I tell him. "You can choose not to hear about my book plans, but let me just warn you right now, the "I'd like to thank my loving husband for his unwavering support" part of the Acknowledgment page isn't exactly writing itself."
"Go ahead," he is resigned. And possibly looking for cliffs to drive off of.
"Well, first, what do you think that a book needs?"
"A plot."
"Well, yes, but like how many words?"
"Is this a children's book?"
"What? No, it's not for children. It's autobiographical."
"Your biography?"
"No, of the auto industry. Of course my biography. I mean, it won't be too heavy on historical facts," I reassure him because I'm worried that he's still a bit incredulous about my asking him the night before if the KGB had been the secret police in the former Soviet Union. "I can't believe that I have to tell you what the KGB did," he sounded exasperated. "Well, obviously, I know what the KGB did," I backpedalled. "I was just wondering if there was another Secret Police in the USSR." "No, the KGB pretty much had that monopoly," Husbandrinka told me. I'm sorry, are normal people supposed to know that? I personally think his assuming that just because I'm Russian I should know this shit is a little bit racist. I mean, he's Italian-American, and I don't accuse him of being in the mafia, do I? (And only partly because I don't want to get dismembered and Meadowlanded).
"Wonderful idea. I'm sure that the world has been wondering about you."

So, the good news is that the bar is set incredibly low. The bad news is that I think we'll need subterranean exploration to reach the bar.



Blogger Belle said...

I'm so excited. I can fly to NYC for the book launch.
Just so that I can plan. Is the book going to come before or after the sitcom?

April 2, 2009 at 8:08 AM  
Blogger daydreamymama said...

Husbandrinka obviously doesn't appreciate your brilliance. Good thing that the rest of us do! (Oh, wait, am I giving Husbandrinka any ammunition here? or just a gentle hint?)

April 2, 2009 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Thanks, Marinka. I have always wondered what the KGB was, but was too embarrassed to ask.

April 2, 2009 at 8:19 AM  
Blogger The Panic Room said...

I think you should jump the gun and set up a pre-order link on your sidebar and just start charging around 30 or 40 bucks for this book you're going to write. I will buy one.

April 2, 2009 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger TrodoMcCracken said...

I always thought KGB stood for "Kangaroo Gorilla Bastard" and imagined mutated Kangorilla's running around with guns and extorting people for like Banana's. They'd also probably have sunglasses.

April 2, 2009 at 8:36 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

Too many bloggers keep changing the time they post, breaking my commenting routine...


Driving is probably quite difficult if you are being strangled, but it is always worth testing that theory and it would make a great chapter in the book.

If you use my idea do I get acknowledged in the inside cover?

April 2, 2009 at 8:37 AM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Can't wait! I want a signed copy!

April 2, 2009 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

i for one would buy your book. the only thing that has stopped me from buying heather's book is finances. but believe me, as soon as i pull all the couch cushions off and clean my car, that coin is going straight into her pocket. and i promise that i will do the same for you!

April 2, 2009 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

I have a seat at Barnes and Noble waiting for the release :)

April 2, 2009 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger K.Line said...

I would buy this book at full price, hard cover.

April 2, 2009 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger jen said...

as far as i'm concerned ... according to the comments already ... screw the plot. or the historical evidence ...
just write. it's guaranteed to make us laugh ... and even if it doesn't, you've already got the money ... so who cares?
husbandrinka doesn't know the goldmine that he's got!

April 2, 2009 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I'll buy a copy and a few extras to give as gifts to my wittier friends, but only if I'm invited to the Launch After Party so I can drink with you and Belle.

I'm adding this to my Short Term Goals List, right after Exercise and - I forget - some other things are on that list though.

April 2, 2009 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

So if it's only loosely going to be based on your life, how about if you change all the characters to aliens, you know, to give it some pizazz! (jazz hands required), and then you can call it "Tales from the Mothership" (you know, instead of motherland), and they can be aliens with Russian accents. It will be a hoot.

Either that, or I need a cup of coffee this morning.

P.S. I would like to be listed as Creative Consultant in your acknowledgments.

April 2, 2009 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

Of course we're dying to know about you. I'll sleep out in front of the bookstore the night your before your book releases just to prove myself! ;o)

April 2, 2009 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger Z said...

Will my comment help or hurt Marinka? Not sure.

Am I leaving the best comment that I possibly can, or am I giving Husbandrinka any ammunition, however inadvertent. And if I did that, would I be able to live with myself? Definitely not. But no ammunition, either. So I think I'll be able to live with myself.

And the comment itself? Um. Hm. Let me think about this.

Oh, yeah. I'd totally read that book. Especially if it features this amazingly adorable, sweet, funny, smart, and totally fantastic blogger you met once ;) Because, you know, that one meeting is so much more important than, well, everything else. Rocked your world, I'm sure! haha

April 2, 2009 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

If I start driving you around, and I promise to listen to everything you say with rapt interest, can I be acknowledged on the dedication page?


April 2, 2009 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

I'm a Jen, but I would still definitely buy your book. For realsies.

April 2, 2009 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

It's true, Jennifers do make the best bloggers. I am sure your book will be awesome even though you are not among the chosen ones.

April 2, 2009 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

Obviously the KGB/secret police did its job very well if you weren't even aware of them.

Who will play you in the movie of your life? Personally, I think only you can do you. Don't leave it up to some hack like Meryl Streep. Not that you're old. It's me who is old. I'll stop now.

April 2, 2009 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

OOOO - BOOK! I'd SO buy it and read it! Who CARES if my book allowance is dwindling faster than the economy - I'd still buy one! I'd have to hide it though because Hubby is strict when it comes to my books - they don't have pictures of naked women so he's not interested.

April 2, 2009 at 11:27 AM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

hmmm, pretending not to know what the kgb was seems to be EXATCTLY the tactic a kgb undercover agent would take.

did you and sarah palin used to wave to each other from your front porches when you were kids?

April 2, 2009 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

"And only partly because I don't want to get dismembered and Meadowlanded."

I'm a former Jersey-ite so that shit cracked me up! You're insane!

Good luck with the writing. I know you'll knock out a manuscript in no time.

April 2, 2009 at 4:15 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Could you hurry it up? I'm almost through my stack of books to read during jury duty, and the trial is nowhere near done.

Although, it might be awkward for me to keep laughing out loud, and possibly peeing my pants from getting to read THAT MUCH Marinka at one time.

April 2, 2009 at 4:21 PM  
Blogger Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

It makes no sense to se t the bar any higher than LOW when overcoming CLICHE's! lol! Too funny!

April 2, 2009 at 4:51 PM  
Blogger lizspin said...


Why must they always be at the bar????

April 2, 2009 at 5:06 PM  
Blogger HappyHourSue said...

LOL- "Jon to my Dooce". ;D

GOD I wish my life was interesting enough to write my memoirs. Maybe a should pull a "Million Little Pieces" and embellish.

April 2, 2009 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I'm assuming you'll be dropping by Ottawa during your gargantuan book tour?

April 2, 2009 at 8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the whole Jennifer/blogger thing is because OUR PARENTS ALL WENT FREAKING NUTS IN THE EARLY 70S AND NAMED US ALL THE SAME!!!! LOL Yes, I was one of 14 in my graduating class. Lost its charm loooong ago. LOL Oh, and I exploit the hell out of my kids and have long accepted the mommy blogger term. I've been called worse. ;)

April 2, 2009 at 10:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


April 3, 2009 at 2:40 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Why do you HAVE to have words? Could you not just have pictures instead?

April 3, 2009 at 6:35 PM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

My husband waited a month, then asked if I had finished the book. When I said "no, it is still in the idea stage," he had the gall to lecture me aobut finishing things I start.

I hadn't started yet, so he does not know what he is talking about.

April 4, 2009 at 6:47 PM  
Blogger iMommy said...

I would so read that book.

April 4, 2009 at 10:51 PM  
Blogger iMommy said...

Clicked all your ads, just for the hell of it. Maybe a little ad revenue will help you get the capital you need to start that book, huh?

April 4, 2009 at 10:53 PM  
Blogger Julie B. said...

I was going to write a better comment, but you've just inspired me to go play a game of freecell....

April 4, 2009 at 11:31 PM  
Blogger SweetPeaSurry said...

He he he ... the KGB. That was funny. I suppose being FROM Russian you wouldn't WANT to know what the KGB was. I've known since I was a kid, and as long as SOMEONE knows what it means ... it's all good. Right?

Being strangled while driving can pose some serious safety hazards.

bright blessings!

April 6, 2009 at 6:35 AM  
Blogger Anna Lefler said...

YES! I want to know EVERYTHING.



April 6, 2009 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger Stimey said...

I kind of totally worship you. So funny.

April 6, 2009 at 4:55 PM  

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