Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Guest Blogger: Papa

Marinka calls Papa on his cell phone.

M: Hi, papa, everything is fine, I wanted to ask you to do a blog post for me.

P: (Russian words, expressing malcontent).

M: First, you have to speak in English, and drop a few articles for effect.

P: I was just booking vacation to Krem.

M: To the Kremlin?

P: No, to Krem. How you say English? Krem.

M: Crimea? Isn't there a war there?

P: War? No war. Beach.

M: So back to me, what is your favorite childhood memory of me.

P: The elephant. I still have material evidence of that. It was very good day when we were both home (Marinka's note: I was at home because I had some deadly illness and I was bedbound, but I'm glad that papa thought that it was fun watching me on my deathbed) and we made toy elephant from scrap made from mama's overcoat. It was white and had lace. I still have it and the trunk was bitten off by someone.

M: That is precious. I remember it, too.

P: Another time was when you jumped under bus. It was nice. We standing on the bus stop to go to swimming lesson, because you were sickly child (Marinka note: AHa! The elephant has come home to roost!) you were about seven, an idiot already, waiting for bus and as the bus was pull over, you jumped right in front of you and I grabbed you by the collar and I should have killed you right there.

M: Did you ask me why I did it?

P: What can you say, you claimed Fourth Amendment.

M: You mean Fifth?

P: Yes, a Fifth. You couldn't really express yourself. Still puzzles me. Very unusual child. After that, I told you that I was going to go away for a while, because I wanted to move to America and mama didn't want to.

M: I remember that. You told me that you were going to move to Africa to help sick children.

P: Yes, but instead of Africa to help sick children, I was going to come to America and be big Jew. Go to synogogue with other sons of Abraham.

M: That's a lovely memory.

P: I think so also.

31 Comments:

Blogger SweetPeaSurry said...

What a wonderfully funny post.

blessings!

March 24, 2009 at 1:18 AM  
Blogger jon said...

I am concerned that we might not find out who bit the trunk off the elephant?

March 24, 2009 at 1:57 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

That was brilliant, the 'malcontent' line brought a huge Tuesday smile to my face.

Why did you bite off the elephant's trunk?

March 24, 2009 at 2:11 AM  
Blogger rubbish said...

"an idiot already", classic.

March 24, 2009 at 2:18 AM  
Blogger Frau said...

I love your Papa he is a cutie! Do you think you jump in front of the bus after he told you he was leaving for America....? Great post as always, you are too funny!
Enjoy your vacation.

March 24, 2009 at 2:36 AM  
Blogger Threeboys1mommy said...

Aww papa is so sweet... and crafty, does he have an Etsy store?

March 24, 2009 at 3:03 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

What a nice Papa. Did you ever figure out which Krem? And why is Krispy Kreme the thought in my head?

March 24, 2009 at 5:51 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

And you're parents decided not to have any other children after you - right?

March 24, 2009 at 6:49 AM  
Blogger Maelstrom said...

I believe Papa should have a weekly featured post. Tell him America loves him.

March 24, 2009 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger OHmommy said...

you do know that i just forwarded this through email to half the eastern european population of chicago. everyone there had a papa of their own.

March 24, 2009 at 8:03 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

Oh he's good!

March 24, 2009 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

Yes, Papa should definitely have his own blog.

March 24, 2009 at 8:14 AM  
Blogger michelle said...

an idiot already?

I love papa. Does he babysit? My kids need a dose of him.

March 24, 2009 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Marinka said...

Ok, so I just re-read this post (you know, what normal bloggers do before they hit the publish button) and I see that some things are not clear. So to clarify, Russians believe that if a child is getting sick, it'l likely because (a) the child was without slippers at some point and came in contact with THE FLOOR, that well-known conduit of all illnesses; (b) someone looked at the child with an evil-eye; and/or (c) the child needs to be conditioned and what better way than to drag the sniffling kid across Leningrad for some swimming lessons. Since my parents were confident that a&b, as described above, didn't apply, I was sentenced to swimming lessons. Actually, I think I'm starting to realize why I wanted to jump in front of the bus.

March 24, 2009 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

Oh your Papa is wonderful! If you ever need a babysitter for him or your mother, I'd be HAPPY to do it!
Yes, I do live in Florida, so?
No - of COURSE my family wouldn't miss me! I'll just have to make sure I don't tell Girl Child I'm going to NYC without her...AGAIN! Great post!

March 24, 2009 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Irish Chicken Soup said...

That was positively the best. It makes me miss my grandpa. Atleast after I did something stupid though, he gave me chocolate and goulash. (Sometimes in the same bowl..)

March 24, 2009 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

AND you've masterfully peeked our suspense...

Who DID bite off the elephant trunk?

March 24, 2009 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger SSQuo said...

This was such a pleasure to read. Your Papa is so adorable, and you too, but I dont get the running in front of the bus, did you hate swimming lesson THAT much?

March 24, 2009 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Maelstrom said...

@Ann - Misspellings and improper word usage from lesser bloggers, such as myself, should be expected. So you've thrown me into some amount of confusing with your "peeked" rather than "piqued". I've pretty much decided that you probably used "peeked" because you knew I'd be looking for your response and you felt that maybe, due to my low grade education, you'd make it easier on me. But really, it's okay to use the more challenging words, I have dictionary.com on book mark and I enjoy learning despite my grumbling.

March 24, 2009 at 10:12 AM  
Blogger Janet said...

You need to do these more often...I'm stifling laughter so that I don't get fired...so hilarious!

March 24, 2009 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I love Papa - but not the fact that he was going to kill you when you were trying to kill yourself for jumping in front of the bus.

March 24, 2009 at 11:45 AM  
OpenID omnidudemeandthebean said...

This totally brought a smile to my face. I think on some days that this blog is the only thing that makes me laugh anymore. Don't ever stop.

March 24, 2009 at 12:26 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Does it ever worry you to think how inevitably we become our parents?

Just asking....

March 24, 2009 at 2:03 PM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

you have a very matter-of-fact dad!!

March 24, 2009 at 3:18 PM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

i can't help but to picture your mother's overcoat with a large chunk cut out of its bottom. and when she discovers what your father has done, she bites off the elephant's nose and spits it at him.

March 24, 2009 at 8:43 PM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I am intensely curious what the Fourth Amendment was in Russia those (not so) many years ago. Precocious child, indeed, if you were already studying up on American Constitution! ;-) Of course, being sickly and all, you probably had lots of time on your hands to read.

March 24, 2009 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

I've decided next time I come to NYC I am staying with you. for about a month. or two.

March 24, 2009 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger Julie B. said...

OMG - your comment above just clarified my entire childhood for me. My grandfather immigrated from Russia (sadly he passed way before I came along or I'd have these great stories too..anyway I digress). My entire childhood we were SCREAMED at and possibly beaten if we dared to walk around without socks. I NEVER knew that was just a little part of my Russian heritage. Fantastic. My daughter is clearly all american. Her socks line the floors of my house. Then again, maybe that's why she's always sick!!!

March 24, 2009 at 9:43 PM  
Blogger Cindy said...

Bah ha ha ha!

March 24, 2009 at 10:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's good! luxury watch?
wrist watches?

March 25, 2009 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger EvaForeva said...

I agree with Maelstrom - papa should be a regular!
I love your blog.
Jenya

March 25, 2009 at 9:42 AM  

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