Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Accidental Brunette

So guess who I trapped into doing a blog post exchange with me? Kelcey of The Mama Bird Diaries. Kelcey is a fellow New Yorker and I've been lucky enough to meet her. We even attended a fashion show together. I mean, we attend a fashion show once a week or so, but this time we went together. Which is why I mention it. Anyway, one of the things that Kelcey and I share is blonde hair. Ahem. Below is her hairfession. Mine is at The Mama Bird Diaries.

My natural hair color is dirty blond.

But I've been highlighting it for years in an effort to make it more "blond" and less "dirty."

Several years ago, in a burst of au natural euphoria, I decided all that bleach might be an unhealthy addiction. So I spoke to my very fabulous and super hot colorist Robert about dying my hair back to its natural color. He scowled deeply, shook his head and suggested a golden honey strawberry instead.

But I insisted.

So he turned me into a dark brunette. Robert was either a little passive aggressive or not very good at following directions.

The next day I flew out to California. My boyfriend and I were driving down the gorgeous Pacific Coast Highway and then attending a lavish wedding in LA at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

As we drove down US Highway 101, my boyfriend (coincidentally also a brunette) and I had the following conversation...

"Wow. Look at these incredible views. It's unbelievable," my boyfriend exclaimed.

"I hate my hair."

"I love your hair. And those Redwood trees. Have you ever seen anything like that before?"

"I really hate my f-king hair. Don't you hate it? It so awful. How could you not hate it? Of course you hate it. It totally washes me out. God, I look so pale and sickly."

"No, I really like it. I can't believe how high up we are. These cliffs are crazy. Look at the coastline."

"I can not believe how much I detest my hair. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm an impostor. A really ugly haired impostor."

"I think you look hot. Are you going to look out the window at all or just stare into the sun visor mirror?"

"The mirror obviously. As if I have a choice."

Since my boyfriend was in some kind of insane denial about my tragic hair situation, I decided to call my colorist Robert for help. This is kind of like calling your local Girl Scouts rep to help you get off the Samoas but I was really desperate.

He told me to wash my hair with Tide to get the color out. So that night, at the motel, I had a very long evening with a gallon of Clean Breeze Tide. But no amount of scrubbing, rinsing and drying did anything. I was despondent.

We finally arrived in LA and I immediately went to the hotel's super cool, swanky hair salon. I got highlights that very day.

But I still didn't look completely like me. So a few days later, as soon as we arrived back in New York City, I had my hair highlighted again.

My commitment to excessive hair chemicals has never wavered since. Although I no longer wash my hair with Tide. Because there's just something weird about having your hair smell like clean laundry.

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34 Comments:

Blogger bernthis said...

Tide? How you didn't develop some mental disorder or tic of some kind from all that, I don't know

March 18, 2009 at 1:28 AM  
Blogger Jennifer H said...

I've never tried Tide, but I've washed my with Palmolive after "Rene Russo red" turned out more like "punk rocker purple."

March 18, 2009 at 2:01 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

You should have given Robert a slap the first time, and then called Marinka for advice, not the disobediant colourist.

March 18, 2009 at 2:16 AM  
Blogger SweetPeaSurry said...

This was brilliant. I was always a bright blonde when I was a child, and I turned dirty blond. I did the same thing and colored my hair. Finally I wanted to go dark, I wanted to go dark auburn. I did the coloring myself, over the counter, it turned green. I only let the stylist color it now. :)

March 18, 2009 at 3:15 AM  
Blogger blognut said...

Wait a minute! I thought Tide was supposed to be color-safe? Why would he tell you to use that? He is setting you up for failure, the passive-aggressive little shit! You're not putting up with that, are you?

March 18, 2009 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger The Dental Maven said...

Once, in college, I experienced a hair tragedy with henna. I even called the Clairol Hotline. The hotline rep just uttered those maternal clucking noises and said my only choice was to let it grow out.

March 18, 2009 at 7:05 AM  
Blogger C Golightly said...

I did absolutely the same things after years of dying my dirty blonde hair. I have pictures of this dark brown haired woman holding my second born daughter. I'm sure the baby was thinking, "where's my mother?" I'm back to high maintenance high lighted blonde.

March 18, 2009 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger Swistle said...

My stylist did the SAME THING to me. I said I wanted natural, and she dyed me dark brown. And I KNOW I'm not dark brown, because I grow out my hair when I'm pregnant and nursing, and my natural color is MOUSE brown, not DARK brown. So stylists can suck it, the end.

March 18, 2009 at 7:56 AM  
Blogger A Woman Of No Importance said...

I just read an article about how one in three blondes in offices in the UK are dying their hair darker, e.g. brunette, in order to be taken more seriously at work!

Can you believe it? Like being taken more seriously at work is an issue when you happen to be a woman in any case?! Sometimes, it's like feminism never happened...

I'd love your take on that, Marinka!

March 18, 2009 at 8:20 AM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I've always had the opposite problem and tried to dye my hair blonde, only for it to look HORRIBLE every time. I was in such denial, I did it over and over again. That is the definition of insanity, you know.

March 18, 2009 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Leigh (Modern Mommy) said...

I went back to my natural color while I was pregnant with my daughter. Because if you already feel fat and puffy, why not feel like you have drab hair too? Yeah, with my son I kept the highlights. I even went in RIGHT before I was due so I wouldn't have roots in the baby pictures.

March 18, 2009 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Oh God. That reminds me. I once dyed my hair black when I was a student. I swear I looked exactly like a living corpse.

March 18, 2009 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

Oh the things we women do to ourselves. Yes, I've been accused of the same thing. My dirty blonde locks have stayed dirty blonde since the whole black dye job hubby gave me. I LOVE being a blonde! No one expects me to think! hehehehe

March 18, 2009 at 9:11 AM  
Anonymous daphne@greenerbiener.com said...

I'm still a color-virgin, but the grays are creeping up on me. What to do, what to do?

March 18, 2009 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Elisa said...

It just goes to proove what I've always said: hair stylists are more dangerous than serial killers. Especially when they are drunk with power.

March 18, 2009 at 10:07 AM  
Anonymous erinb said...

its no wonder you didnt end up with that boyfriend since he clearly couldn't see the issues at hand. men.

March 18, 2009 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Once I didn't leave the color on long enough so it turned orange. I compensated by coloring it "med blonde" which really meant black. I looked Goth my whole Sr. year in college. I guess it worked b/c I was an English major, but I was far too perky to carry it off completely.

March 18, 2009 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

I always say, underneath this dumb blond is a smart brunette.

I have actually sworn off all hair color. I may post it soon...

March 18, 2009 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I know - when your colorist wrinkles up his nose and waves his hand all limp wristed under it - you've made a bad decision.

I'm also dirty blonde (now with GRAY! whoot.) and I keep it lighter than natural. Also went brunette once. gah.

March 18, 2009 at 11:39 AM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

I did the same thing once, accidentally.

I was appearing on the show "Love Connection" the following day. I needed to touch my hair before my television debut. It was light brown.

In an unprecedented accident that has never happened before or since, I dyed my own hair. Then I fell ASLEEP with the dye ON MY HEAD. Yes I did. I woke up with black hair.

Chuck Woolery told me that I reminded him of his friend, Grace Slick. I told him he reminded me of Bozo the Clown because, obviously, they both wore the same amount of make-up.

March 18, 2009 at 12:09 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

I have the type of hair that, depending on how much sun it has seen, can have people (OK, women) asking me what color I use.

Tragically, I have missed out on the womanly experience of actually having dyed hair. I did try to color it red once, when I was 14. I followed the instructions but absolutely nothing happened. The red bits stayed red and the brown bits stayed brown. And my mother never knew the difference ;-)

March 18, 2009 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

I tried going blond, but as my hair is DARK brown I just looked like a whore - sorry!

So the million dollar question is... did you marry the boyfriend you went to LA with?

March 18, 2009 at 1:21 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

Okay, I'm now remembering Love Connection...ooh I loved that show. Charmaine was on it!! Anyway, Kelcey I bet you did look stunning with dark hair. Loved the part about your inability to look anywhere but the visor mirror...

March 18, 2009 at 1:30 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I have had my hair colored every hue imaginable (and some that shouldn't have been imagined). I never tried Tide though, to get it out. I have always heard Prell (that 80's 99 cent shampoo). Apparently its so bad the color runs down the drain to escape.

March 18, 2009 at 1:43 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Oh yeah, I married that boyfriend. I mean, I had to after I basically ruined our trip to California with all my complaining.

March 18, 2009 at 1:45 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

This makes me so glad you can't color natural black hair. I'd be exhausted and stressed all the damn time otherwise. How could I focus on the fat on my hips if my hair color distracted me?

March 18, 2009 at 2:12 PM  
Blogger lizspin said...

Who would have thought you'd pay that much to get "dirty" again????

March 18, 2009 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

I gave up on highlighting and went brunette two months ago. I have hated my hair ever since. I cannot wait to be blonde again.

March 18, 2009 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I love the smell of clean laundry. I've been known to press my face up on the vents outside of laundremats. If I could buy perfume that smelled like fresh laundry, I'd go through a bottle a week (I'm sure this exists - but it's probably too subtle to be worth it). Maybe I should ditch my Aveda and bring some Tide up to the shower...

Oh and I've never colored my hair. It's naturally light brown. I like it - it has lots of nice red and blond highlights. YET whenever I talk to someone who is a bottle blond about their natural hair color, they say "it's very close to yours." What should I take away from this? Maybe my natural highlights are too subtle. I'm thinking subtle is overrated.

March 18, 2009 at 4:40 PM  
Blogger The Mind of a Mom said...

He told you Tide to get you off the phone! Bad hair dresser :o( had he said snuggle fabric softener afterwards would you have to him to pound-salt?? LoL

March 18, 2009 at 6:46 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Mine's been dark brown with hints of auburn since childhood. My plan has always been that, as I get grayer, my hair will get redder. At age 80, I plan to look like Elizabeth I.

March 18, 2009 at 8:31 PM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

It never fails to amaze me how much of our identity is wrapped up in our hair! It really can make you feel like an impostor when it is radically changed.

Three hightlights in that short a time must've been killer on your bank account!! It is effing expensive to be blonde! :) (But SOOOOO worth it.)

March 19, 2009 at 1:08 AM  
Anonymous LT said...

Glad that you were able to be blonde again. Great post!

March 19, 2009 at 2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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wrist watches?

March 25, 2009 at 7:39 AM  

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