Friday, October 3, 2008

Highlights of the Week

Saturday: Husbandrinka takes our son Halloween costume shopping. Son decides he wants to be The Incredible Hulk. At home, the costume is tried on, the receipt is lost and son has Halloween Costume Remorse.

Sunday: Husbandrinka returns from the farmers' market with so many tomatoes that I worry that he cashed out our 401K plans and put it all in tomatoes. I try to impress everyone with my bit of tomato trivia--"it's a fruit!" My daughter asks, "are you going to tell us that every time we have tomatoes?" Ego bruised.

Monday: I get an email from someone who read my blog asking me to appear on a documentary about Beta Moms. Beta Moms, apparently, are moms who have made "the intelligent choice" not to be obsessed with the cleanliness of their homes, their kids' clothing matching and anything that doesn't involve a gin and tonic. I mention this to my friend John who suggests that I am not Beta Mom, I'm Omega Mom.

Tuesday: I am supposed to meet bloggers Meghan and Z for drinks! I have pre-meeting anxiety! What if they don't show up? What if they are insane? What if I am insane? They show up and they're not insane and we have a great time until I realize that they were probably the pretty, popular girls in high school and would have ignored me. The nerve! But they are so nice! Maybe they would have befriended me? Yes, I think they would have! Great, now they're pretty and nice. I may never forgive them.

Wednesday: I have dinner with some of my friends, who are moms from my kids' school, to celebrate two of their birthdays. We have many margaritas. I pay for my portion and when I get home, I realize that even though my receipt says $100, the online statement shows that I was charged $350. Many unpleasant phone calls follow. I vow never to eat again. The manager asks me to call back tomorrow, because maybe the charges on my online statement will reconsider and leave or something and maybe he's hoping to be struck by lightning to avoid talking to me ever again.

Thursday: I call the manager of the restaurant to report that the wrong charges are still on my statement and he says, "call me tomorrow, I am feeling nervous today." Huh. I call the credit card company and cancel the charges. I am a master of international finance.

Friday: My daughter's violin playing cannot be described in words. I tell her that if she doesn't want to practice, no one has to know! It'll be our little secret! She tells me that she loves the violin, and intensifies the screeching. I change strategy and tell her that she should practice more, because she's getting really good. She says, "Ok, I will!" My plan backfires. As do my ears. The violin surge continues.



Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I don't know how many times I've had buyers remorse over an Incredible Hulk costume...always sounds like a good idea until I realize that is makes my butt look big.

You will have to let us know when the documentary airs. I get a lot of validation from seeing other mothers with my same housekeeping practices.

October 4, 2008 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

My daughter plays piano, and has always been VERY VERY GOOD. Amazingly good. So I've never had that horrible screeching practice thing.

You ARE a master of international finance!

October 4, 2008 at 10:58 AM  
Blogger Mama Ginger Tree said...

I have a really good recipe for roasted tomato soup. Let me know if you want it. I usually serve it with mozzarella/pesto grilled cheese.

Maybe the other moms tried to stick you with the bill. They probably think you are too dumb to notice. Not that you come off as dumb or anything.

October 4, 2008 at 11:10 AM  
Blogger Marmite Breath said...

Oh my GOD, I feel your pain on the violin playing. I mean, at the risk of scarring my ten year old daughter for life, I have the urge to scream at her, "Stop murdering cats! Stop playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Fucking Star!!!"

I am horrible. But so is the sound.

October 4, 2008 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger KLS said...

Love the "master of international finance!" And did you know corn is technically a fruit too? Try that one on you daughter.

October 4, 2008 at 2:41 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Truly, truly laughed out loud. Several times. Thanks for that full-fur-man-coat thing too. It's burned into my brain.

October 4, 2008 at 6:31 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

Wait, if you're Omega mom, what the hell am I?

October 4, 2008 at 9:34 PM  
Blogger jen said...

um, call back tomorrow??
what kind of managerial nonsense is that?
glad you solved the problem in your own manner...

October 5, 2008 at 9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that "Call tomorrow, I'm feeling nervous" will be my new excuse for everything.

October 5, 2008 at 2:13 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Like the master of IF. Maybe they should call you on this whole bailout thing.

And you have nothing on me, my friend. I have a beginner violin and cello. The violin is actually getting good. But my little cellist? Is very enthusiastic. Sigh...

October 6, 2008 at 1:14 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

I made a tape of my practicing my french horn so that I could play it over and over again when my mom told me to practice, and instead I could be doing something else. She never figured it out. In fact, she told me she thought I was getting better.

October 6, 2008 at 3:02 PM  
Anonymous Elsie said...

My naughty son also want to be the Hulk for Halloween.

October 7, 2008 at 12:19 AM  
Blogger Z said...

So, now I'm pretty and popular and nice? Guess those acting lessons (not to mention the full-body makeover) are working out, huh? hehe...

As for the violin... Perhaps an investment in some earplugs. Or perhaps an untimely violin-napping?

October 13, 2008 at 8:16 PM  

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