Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I Don't Think That's Weird At All

I've been distracted recently because there's a post that I've been writing that is just not coming together and it's making me insane. So when I say that I've been distracted, I mean I've been insane.

It's about kitty litter, so I'm sure that you can understand the magnitude of what I'm dealing with. I mean it's not cat Nazis, but I'm doing the best that I can, people. Finally yesterday I realized that I needed to go multi-media with this and add pictures so that people would understand. Sorry to be mysterious, but I promise it'll be worth it.

But of course I don't want to have photographs of actual cat shit on my blog, so I decided that I was going to use Tootsie rolls as a stand in for Nicki's turds. I tell you, I nearly pulled a muscle patting myself on the back for coming up with that solution.

So, I casually walk towards the bathroom last night and my daughter, who usually ignores everything that I do, suddenly is all "What are you doing?" and I'm like "I'm going to the bathroom!" and she's all "Why are you taking a camera in there?" Good grief, whatever happened to privacy? So I give her The Look, and then remember that "develop and establish The Look" has been on my New Year's Resolutions list for like years, so she basically doesn't know why I'm channeling a drag queen and we stare at each other and finally I say, "fine! I'll let you in on it!" and I let her come into the bathroom with me and I take the Tootsie rolls out of my pocket and start unwrapping them and she says "hey, where did you get those?" which, of course, is a natural question to ask when you're locked in the bathroom with the litter box, your mother and a camera. So I tell her that it's left over from Halloween and she wants to know if it's left over from HER Halloween stash and I say no and thank god she doesn't ask for a sworn statement.

So, I finish staging the Tootsie rolls in the litter box and am taking pictures and Nicki, of course, because the door is closed, starts putting her paw under the door, and then Young Ladrinka is all "WHY IS EVERYONE IN THE BATHROOM?" and I let him and Nicki in and he's like "Whoa!" and Nicki's all, "I miss the animal shelter".

I take a few more pictures and then to make it fun for the kids, I say "let's rewrap the Tootsie rolls and give it to Daddy!" and both kids are all "YES! YAY!" which tells me that I forgot to give them sensitivity training about other people, so hooray that I get to school them on that this summer! Because wonderful things happen when we're all in the bathroom together.


Blogger Jody Reale said...

The "I miss the animal shelter" part was genius. Just sayin'.

May 13, 2009 at 2:08 PM  
Blogger Your escalator operator said...

This suggests a worthwhile project for any genetic engineers who read this blog: Cats who crap Halloween candy.

May 13, 2009 at 2:14 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I love when my cats put their paws under the bathroom door. It helps me "unwrap tootsie rolls" that much faster.

May 13, 2009 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

All I can do is to nod my head. Because it's pure brilliance.

May 13, 2009 at 2:16 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Guess I should be afraid to ask you for a mint or piece of gum...


May 13, 2009 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

So now you're leaving us hanging? I want to see those pictures!

May 13, 2009 at 2:19 PM  
Blogger Ann Imig said...

Do the stand-in turds get their own trailer?

May 13, 2009 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

But did you slightly soften the tootsie rolls in the microwave and give them pointy ends so they look like realistic cat turds? Or you could have melted them all the way to represent cat diarrhea, which would have been awesome.

May 13, 2009 at 2:30 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Suddenly I feel like playing with my cats.

May 13, 2009 at 2:30 PM  
Anonymous Coco said...

What a creative way to get rid of that leftover candy from Halloween. Maybe we should call you Craftinka. The bonus is you save on the dental bills.

Where are the photos?

May 13, 2009 at 2:32 PM  
Blogger Karie said...

Omg. That's hillarious!!!

May 13, 2009 at 2:58 PM  
Blogger Keyona said...

Pictures please!!! My imagination is but so big.

May 13, 2009 at 3:01 PM  
Blogger WarriorHeartGypsySoul said...

This is going to be quite an interesting upcoming post! I can't wait to read it... and yet just a little scared.

May 13, 2009 at 3:36 PM  
Blogger CSY said...

I love the fact that your kids were all, yes! yay! at the idea of wrapping the Tootsie Rolls back up and giving them to Husbandrinka...CLASSIC! So, did you actually go thru with it?

May 13, 2009 at 3:40 PM  
Blogger rachel... said...

And you can serve this for dessert:

May 13, 2009 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

I will never eat another toosie roll...thanks to you!

It never occurred to me that they could be re-rolled!!!!

May 13, 2009 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

You are awesome! Also, I'm totally off Tootsie Rolls now.

Eh, I just lied. I will totally eat a Tootsie Roll if presented the opportunity to do so. Just not if you're the one presenting it. The whole 'you are awesome' part still holds.

May 13, 2009 at 3:48 PM  
Blogger SSQuo said...

We appreciate the effort, we really do. Can't wait to see the pics!

May 13, 2009 at 3:49 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

I missed you and your funny blog posts while I went away all romantical like with my husband.

But, an important part of this story is missing. Did he eat a tootsie roll. Blog readers with the minds of 12 year old boys must know - and laugh hysterically - because it didn't happen to them.

May 13, 2009 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger LivingLifeBackwards said...

LMFAO, now let's rewrap them and give them to Daddy!

May 13, 2009 at 4:47 PM  
Blogger Liz Wilkey (a.k.a. A Mom on Spin) said...

You crack me up. That's all I can say. . . You crack me up!!!!

May 13, 2009 at 5:52 PM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

Yeah, it sucks to have the litterbox in the bathroom so I can somewhat imagine what the subsequent post might be about.

Family bathroom gatherings are normal in our household. What? Not yours? How strange.

May 13, 2009 at 8:54 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

So... you didn't really let Husbandrinka eat those tootsie rolls, did you?

That's going to keep me up all night.

May 13, 2009 at 10:00 PM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

Bathrooms in India...ok different story

May 14, 2009 at 1:06 AM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

Kitty litter was created by the devil. Honestly, I am this far away from inventing a cat diaper.

No, I am not the mad one here. That would be my cat, who is trying to transform my house into one giant litter box, grain by grain. Meanwhile his tootsie rolls sit there all exposed and forlorn.

Oh, and here is someone else who will never look a Tootsie Roll in the face again.

May 14, 2009 at 1:35 AM  
Blogger Coffee with Cathy said...

I only wish that all I found in our cats' boxes was neat little Tootsie rolls. What's your secret???

May 14, 2009 at 9:25 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

Now I HAVE to know what the deal with the kitty litter is all about!

May 14, 2009 at 2:57 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Oh how I've missed you!

For a giggle come stop by to see my top ten reasons how you know you've lived in L.A. for too long.

May 14, 2009 at 3:41 PM  
Blogger Phat Mama said...

I once dropped the bowl of grilled shrimp as I walked into the house.

Half the bowl.

I roped my daughter into putting those into another bowl and then sliding them onto Big Daddy's plate.

When he said they were tasty but seemed kinda gritty, here and there, I told him it was a new Hawaiian seasoning I was trying out.

May 14, 2009 at 4:50 PM  
Blogger Phat Mama said...

P.S. Not much to do with your brilliance in coming up with the Tootsie Roll Nikki poo - but pawning off the Tootsie's to Husbandrinka made me think of the sandy shrimp.

May 14, 2009 at 4:51 PM  
Anonymous Sarah @ said...

And thank god she didn't ask for a sworn statement. LOL.

May 14, 2009 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

What a beautiful moment between a mother and her children. Kitty litter is the foundation for a warm, supportive family unit.

May 14, 2009 at 11:30 PM  
Anonymous LadyFi said...

You're an evil genius - what a glorious way to round off your kids' education.

May 15, 2009 at 3:31 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

You have invented a new candy...tootsie roll crunch.

May 15, 2009 at 6:59 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

I cannot believe you would waste good tootsie rolls. I nearly cried when I read this

May 16, 2009 at 11:28 AM  

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