Friday, August 21, 2009

Things That I Worry Will Happen While I am on Vacation

(except for death and destruction, because, duh).

We are going away on vacation next week and I have some worries.

1. There will be no internet access at the house that we are renting. And a murderer in the basement.

2. The vacation books that I picked to take with me will suck and I will spend the week kicking sand at myself because I just had to read Stefanie Wilder-Taylor It's Not Me, It's You as soon as I got it and now I've already read it and don't have it to look forward to and Stefanie seems to be one of those self-centered writers and is refusing to produce another book for my vacation.

3. My kids. If you have children, I hope that this category is self-explanatory and encompasses everything from "Are we there yeeeet???" to "she started it" to "I'm bored". I love and adore my kids, but sweet lord, I had to beg them to go to a special breakfast for kids at Times Square this week. At Toys R Us. Because, they told me, they would rather have breakfast at Nintendo World. Yes, Your Majesties. So noted.

4. It will rain the entire time and our beach vacation will be ruined.

5. It will not rain at all and I'll get totally beached-out.

6. It will rain some days and not others and I will become confused.

7. You know how when you're on vacation, you don't really remember what day it is today? I HATE THAT.

8. OMG, is today Saturday? Because I'm late for my vacation!

9. We will miss Nicki/realize how much easier our lives are without her.

9a. Home Alone Nicki will get stolen/Home Alone Nicki will not get stolen.

10. When I come back, my vacation will be over. Yes, I suffer from a very rare condition called Post Vacation Depression Syndrome (PVDS). Although many suffer from PVDS, I suffer from anticipatory PVDS, which is a lot more dangerous. Because as I tell people about it, while packing a bathing suit and a bottle of rum, they become mildly to mediumly homicidal.

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27 Comments:

Blogger Vicki said...

#11 What am I supposed to read when you're not around? I guess I could read Stefanie-Wilder Taylor, but her cover picture scares me in the way that it reminds me that they used to make lampshades out of people in Auschwitz. You on vacation=Auschwitz.

August 21, 2009 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

No need to explain the kids. I get it. I feel for you. Dope your up with a many electronical devices you can and when they fuss, threaten to throw the batteries out the window.

Works everytime.

August 21, 2009 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger Maddness of Me said...

If you get a Kindle then that solves your book dilemna. If what you are reading sucks, just wifi another one to the device. Not to mention, all those newspapers that can be bought via the Kindle

I love mine, and if you don't have one then you are an animal.

ps: and I'm commenting via my iPhone right now. Internet all the time anywhere I go baby. There is even an iPhone app for blogging if I wanted to keep up with that sort of thing.

August 21, 2009 at 10:12 AM  
Blogger Sophie said...

I also suffer from acute PVDS.
AAAAnd i'm there with Vicky. So Vicky, I hope you're not going away too. What with Wendi being away, how will I be able to withstand a week and a half more of baby-being-at-home? huh?

August 21, 2009 at 10:26 AM  
Blogger Marinka said...

What? I always post when I'm on vacation. It's "vacation", not "detention".

August 21, 2009 at 12:49 PM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I can come and steal Nicki for you if you want!

August 21, 2009 at 2:52 PM  
Blogger marathon mom said...

lol....wifi at the beach house IS a real concern!!

August 21, 2009 at 3:24 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

You forgot a few things. Like, what if I left the garage door open and people come in and steal the vacuum. What? It's a valid concern.

I hope you have a blast next week. Don't worry the Internet will mourn your absence appropriately.

(Party at Marinkas crib people. Loads of booze.)

August 21, 2009 at 3:36 PM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

The murderer in the basement thing would really be a bummer.

I too, suffer from post vacation depression. If you find a solution, let me know.

And enjoy!

August 21, 2009 at 3:38 PM  
Blogger Mwa said...

Very clever, starting your depression early. That will teach those vacations!

August 21, 2009 at 4:26 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

If you anticipate the post vacation depression, do you not actually get it? Hmm...

August 21, 2009 at 5:04 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Vacation again? And you didn't ask me to housesit for you. I thought we were friends.

August 21, 2009 at 5:49 PM  
Blogger Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

Oh I hate going on vacation. The minute I leave the house I start having irrational thoughts: the house will burn down, I left the door unlocked and burglars will get in, I left the door wide open (what? has been known to happen! oh? not to you?) and critters will get in, I left the faucet running and it will flood, the power will go out and all the frozens will be ruined and stink, I forgot to pay important bills and the house will be repossessed in the two weeks we are away...
I am always slightly surprised to round the corner on the way home and see my house still standing.

August 21, 2009 at 6:43 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

We go to the beach tomorrow a.m., too. I am not ready at all, which is why I'm reading your blog and not packing. If you are going to NC, look for me. I'll be the one in the big hat and turtleneck rash guard.

August 21, 2009 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

ok.. so.. have a great vacation!

August 21, 2009 at 9:52 PM  
Blogger Momo Fali said...

Um, you're not allowed to go on vacation. Your readers took a vote.

August 22, 2009 at 7:19 AM  
OpenID mommygeekology said...

Mediumly.

So, English, first language, no?

I say we vote that word into the dictionary. How does one go about doing that?

Have fun on your vacation, dear!

August 22, 2009 at 9:17 AM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

Bossy sees you've successfully attended her well attended class: Worrywart 101.

August 22, 2009 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger Elisa, The Unlikely Housewife said...

Hello, aren't you worried about us? Your beloved readers? Who will get bored without you and then totally abandon you because you went on vacation and we found other stuff to read while you were gone? And also 'cause we were jealous because we skipped a summer vacation this year and did an overseas move instead? (Yeah, ok, that was just me.)

Seriously, you are not worried about that? Good. 'cause I'm just messing with you ;-) Have a wonderful time, we'll be here when you get back.

August 22, 2009 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Nothing motivates me to clean my house like going on vacation. You know, just in case something "happens", I can't have people coming to my house to mourn me, realize what a true slob I am, and change what they'd say at my funeral. What? Eulogies aren't about how clean a person's house was?

August 22, 2009 at 5:04 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Ah, Andrea knows you well, that was subtle, now you'll worry about the state of your house, in case you die on vacation and all the blood settles...

wait never mind we've covered that

Have a great time. Don't worry!

August 22, 2009 at 5:21 PM  
Blogger Mama Coyote said...

I suffer from anticipatory PVDS, which is a lot more dangerous. Because as I tell people about it, while packing a bathing suit and a bottle of rum, they become mildly to mediumly homicidal.

Funniest sentence I've read today! :D

August 22, 2009 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger 2 Brits, 2 Yanks, 2 Dogs said...

PVDS - how long does that last? Mine has lasted since last October.

August 22, 2009 at 8:39 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

You're going to miss me. That should be your #1 concern.

August 23, 2009 at 12:28 PM  
Blogger p-huong said...

To get us kids to behave in the car, my mom used to threaten to sell us to some horrid looking driver in the lane next to us or to the fat lady in the van with 12 kids. That shut us up real good.

August 23, 2009 at 4:13 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

then there is the "omg, I can't afford to go on vacation" worry, oh that is just me I think

August 24, 2009 at 3:17 PM  
Blogger CSY said...

WOW!!! You live in New York AND go on vacation? I thought NYC WAS a vacation...

Have fun! Don't forget the sunscreen1 I have SFP 50 Million if need be...I live in FL...am blonde and DON'T tan!

August 25, 2009 at 2:03 PM  

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