Things I Would Say if I Were a Porn Star
1. Yum! Who brought the whipped cream and the bananas?
2. Deep WHAT?
3. Excuse me, but this penis seems to be made out of black rubber.
4. No, thanks. I'm a little chilly, I think I'll keep these on.
5. Ok, this part here says that he comes to fix my sink and then suddenly, I'm on my knees? Are there some pages missing in between? Am I impressed that he fixed the sink really well?
6. Oh, this music is so beautiful! Beethoven?
7. That is so not what "Magna Cum Laude" means.
8. OMG, I've played this game on message boards before and my porn name is "Barbie Broadway!"
9. What? No, I'm not here for the MIH(ave)N(o)D(esire)T(o)F casting.
10. Hey, after work, let's all get together and read "Ulysses"!
2. Deep WHAT?
3. Excuse me, but this penis seems to be made out of black rubber.
4. No, thanks. I'm a little chilly, I think I'll keep these on.
5. Ok, this part here says that he comes to fix my sink and then suddenly, I'm on my knees? Are there some pages missing in between? Am I impressed that he fixed the sink really well?
6. Oh, this music is so beautiful! Beethoven?
7. That is so not what "Magna Cum Laude" means.
8. OMG, I've played this game on message boards before and my porn name is "Barbie Broadway!"
9. What? No, I'm not here for the MIH(ave)N(o)D(esire)T(o)F casting.
10. Hey, after work, let's all get together and read "Ulysses"!
posted by Marinka at
1:18 PM
17 Comments:
I just returned my copy of Ulysses to the library, unfinished. It won.
Maybe I'll check out some prorn instead...
Oh good God. Porn.
How about ...
"Get your hand outta there!"Heading to the in-laws in a bit. I'll try to use PORN in a sentence without getting funny looks.
Porn is ALWAYS better than James Joyce.
I'm at this point in life where if I were in a porn film I'd just fall asleep halfway through.
Unless the plumber was *that* good with the sink! Then I'd make him pancakes or something.
You had to go and mention Ulysses, didn't you....
Wait, could I just brush my teeth first?
Ulysses is that really big, huge, long, thick one right?
If you can say all those things and still be a star, you know how to stuff that most of us don't.
Er, how to DO stuff...
too funny!
oh no! I had added my name to your list too!!
I'm confused. So you are NOT a porn star?
Beethoven? Are you kidding?
Just thought I'd warn that tomorrow's post also has porn star in the title, it's already scheduled (I'm not trying to steal your thunder, I'm planning to do that some other time...) but I figured I'd stop by and share a bonding moment...
They act in porn movies? I thought they just did their thing - no acting involved.
Do porn stars ever get nominated for Oscars and stuff? There are so many questions and I need answers.
HA! Now you can add.. "does this $100 bill smell like my ass crack?"
If there were some sex scenes in Ulysses, I might be more inclined to read it. By reading it, I mean skipping ahead directly to the sex scenes.
Are there sex scenes in Ulysses? Hell, I wouldn't be able to read them over the porn soundtrack in my mind anyway.
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