Saturday, May 30, 2009

Things I Would Say if I Were a Porn Star

1. Yum! Who brought the whipped cream and the bananas?

2. Deep WHAT?

3. Excuse me, but this penis seems to be made out of black rubber.

4. No, thanks. I'm a little chilly, I think I'll keep these on.

5. Ok, this part here says that he comes to fix my sink and then suddenly, I'm on my knees? Are there some pages missing in between? Am I impressed that he fixed the sink really well?

6. Oh, this music is so beautiful! Beethoven?

7. That is so not what "Magna Cum Laude" means.

8. OMG, I've played this game on message boards before and my porn name is "Barbie Broadway!"

9. What? No, I'm not here for the MIH(ave)N(o)D(esire)T(o)F casting.

10. Hey, after work, let's all get together and read "Ulysses"!

17 Comments:

Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I just returned my copy of Ulysses to the library, unfinished. It won.

Maybe I'll check out some prorn instead...

May 30, 2009 at 1:57 PM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Oh good God. Porn.

May 30, 2009 at 1:58 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

How about ...

"Get your hand outta there!"Heading to the in-laws in a bit. I'll try to use PORN in a sentence without getting funny looks.

May 30, 2009 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

Porn is ALWAYS better than James Joyce.

May 30, 2009 at 4:07 PM  
Blogger I'm Wendy said...

I'm at this point in life where if I were in a porn film I'd just fall asleep halfway through.

Unless the plumber was *that* good with the sink! Then I'd make him pancakes or something.

May 30, 2009 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

You had to go and mention Ulysses, didn't you....

May 30, 2009 at 8:19 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Wait, could I just brush my teeth first?

May 30, 2009 at 8:47 PM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

Ulysses is that really big, huge, long, thick one right?

May 30, 2009 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger Jennifer H said...

If you can say all those things and still be a star, you know how to stuff that most of us don't.

May 30, 2009 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger Jennifer H said...

Er, how to DO stuff...

May 30, 2009 at 10:14 PM  
Blogger KekeLynn said...

too funny!

May 30, 2009 at 10:31 PM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

oh no! I had added my name to your list too!!

May 30, 2009 at 11:53 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

I'm confused. So you are NOT a porn star?

May 31, 2009 at 7:16 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

Beethoven? Are you kidding?

Just thought I'd warn that tomorrow's post also has porn star in the title, it's already scheduled (I'm not trying to steal your thunder, I'm planning to do that some other time...) but I figured I'd stop by and share a bonding moment...

May 31, 2009 at 3:51 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

They act in porn movies? I thought they just did their thing - no acting involved.

Do porn stars ever get nominated for Oscars and stuff? There are so many questions and I need answers.

May 31, 2009 at 4:21 PM  
Blogger dizzblnd said...

HA! Now you can add.. "does this $100 bill smell like my ass crack?"

May 31, 2009 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

If there were some sex scenes in Ulysses, I might be more inclined to read it. By reading it, I mean skipping ahead directly to the sex scenes.

Are there sex scenes in Ulysses? Hell, I wouldn't be able to read them over the porn soundtrack in my mind anyway.

May 31, 2009 at 11:41 PM  

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