Thursday, May 21, 2009

Trying on Clothes

If anyone is feeling a little too full of themselves, I recommend that you take my daughter clothes shopping with you. Because she will give you her honest opinion, which will lead to lots of money saving as you put every single item of clothing back and run screaming from the store.
Here are the top ten things that Fashionistka said to me as I tried on clothes in a mall in North Carolina this spring.

1. I can't picture you in that. And after I put it on: Yeah, I thought so.
2. Green isn't really your color. You're so pretty, mommy. But not in blue, either.
3. Hmm. Maybe with your hair down. And your roots dyed.
4.OMG, what size is that? (By the way, if you don't have a child of snappy comeback age, OMG is spoken out loud as Oh Em Gee. To which I say, GMAFB. (Gee EM an Eff Bee) In my head, of course,
5. I'm so glad clothes look good on me! (said while staring in mirror).
6. Why do you have extra skin there?
7. Aww, dimples! On your legs!
8. I want to get an Itunes giftcard.
9. No, I like the red on you. You're not going to wear that around my friends, right?


I did buy a dress. A Marilyn Monroe number, but in red. In case I suddenly wake up with Michelle Obama arms. Or a lobotomy.

28 Comments:

Blogger Kirsten said...

What's GMAFB??

I think I need remedial acronym school.

May 21, 2009 at 1:35 AM  
Anonymous nis said...

My mother in law often comments that she doesn't know how she ever managed to get dressed before she had kids to give her shit, I mean advice, about what she was wearing. I have a three-going-on-thirteen year old and it's already started here... :)

May 21, 2009 at 3:14 AM  
Blogger Frau said...

OMG I would have bitch slapped into next Tuesday! Just kidding I'm sure her advice had good intentions.

May 21, 2009 at 3:28 AM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

I shop almost entirely online so I don't have to worry about the peanut gallery commentary. Still, I'm sure she had some valid help to give, if only to remind you to shop alone.

May 21, 2009 at 4:08 AM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

I shop almost entirely online so I don't have to worry about the peanut gallery commentary. Still, I'm sure she had some valid help to give, if only to remind you to shop alone.

May 21, 2009 at 4:08 AM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

I shop almost entirely online so I don't have to worry about the peanut gallery commentary. Still, I'm sure she had some valid help to give, if only to remind you to shop alone.

May 21, 2009 at 4:08 AM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

Yikes! Kill all those dupes before everyone notices in the morning!

May 21, 2009 at 4:10 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You live in a cocoon. Your daughter is incredibly polite and caring. I break down in tears and stay in bed for a week after my daughter gives me the 'do you want my honest opinion?' Of course I fucking don't! (and I don't say it in my head).

May 21, 2009 at 4:50 AM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

My daughter has already mastered that art at 5. What a joy. My son, on the other hand, thinks everything I put on is "so pretty." That boy has my heart.

May 21, 2009 at 6:40 AM  
Anonymous Inna said...

GMAFB? God May Abscond Fucking Bee?
Galavanting Maywhore-Ald For Beauty?
Going Mental And Fucking Brazy?

wait, wait, I THINK I GOT IT!!!

Give Me A Fucking Break?

hehhe

May 21, 2009 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger All Things BD said...

My daughter simply looks at my clothing selection, slowly shakes her head and says "hmm, not so much". Nice.

And if she spells out OMG at me one more time, I will simply punch her in her face.

May 21, 2009 at 8:03 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

My niece does the same thing to me. Nothing like having a 10 year old burst your bubble!

I cracked the last time she decided to "tell me about myself"....I informed her that if her an I were playing dodgeball I would aim for her face.

I was just kidding though...mostly

May 21, 2009 at 8:38 AM  
Blogger WA said...

Why do I think your mom is getting great pleasure out of this story?

May 21, 2009 at 9:17 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Hilarious. Absolutely Hilarious.

May 21, 2009 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger Immoral Matriarch said...

That's gonna be my 5 year old...
she studies EVERYTHING I put on. Geeze.

Not prepared.

May 21, 2009 at 9:45 AM  
Blogger jennilea6 said...

Thank you, Inna! =)

May 21, 2009 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

GTFOH! Yes the F stand for Fuck. I'm so glad my daughter is 5 and KNOWS better.

May 21, 2009 at 10:50 AM  
Anonymous Maureen at IslandRoar said...

It's difficult to remember how smart we were at 12.
I'd look like an aging crack whore if I let my daughter dress me. Oh wait, I already do.

May 21, 2009 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

Oh, THIS is why I don't like taking my daughter ANYWHERE! She rags me about my clothes, but when I tell her she's 'dressing a little mature for her age' I get the eye roll. That's why I LOVE my boys!

May 21, 2009 at 11:41 AM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

Another reason to only want boys - unless they turn out to be gay - in which case I may take their advice more seriously.

May 21, 2009 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Ouch! I'd burn a few of my daughters dolls for that mouth violation.

May 21, 2009 at 12:12 PM  
Blogger SassyTwoSocks said...

OMG, I love you. I'm so looking forward to children...

May 21, 2009 at 2:32 PM  
Blogger Julie B. said...

Ha! My son's Christening is this Sunday...I was trying on possible outfits (including brand new ones Monday night) and immediately did 80 crunches...I haven't lost any weight though...after EIGHTY!!!!

May 21, 2009 at 7:29 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

They sure do know how to keep us humble, as if having cellulite down to our (my!) knees doesn't do that already!

May 21, 2009 at 7:59 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

The obligatory honesty of children is torture. It not only makes buying new clothes difficult ("not sooo nice, Mama" is what I hear); it also makes it really hard to sneak them into places where they're too young/old because it never fails that the guard at the door asks the child how old it is, and damn it if the honesty lessons don't kick in right at that moment, and then you have to buy another ticket.

May 21, 2009 at 11:21 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

I think I'm acronym challenged.

May 22, 2009 at 12:27 PM  
Blogger Loukia said...

Oh my God, this has to be published everywhere! That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! OMG! Hahaha... well, my 3 and a half year old said loudly in the store the other day: "Mommy you have a fat bum!" Loudly.
And this a.m., when he asked why I couldn't sit in the seat next time him on his children's little swing-set thingy, and I told him it was only for children, he then said: "Maybe daddy could fit." To make myself feel better, I ate Chinese for lunch. So there.

May 22, 2009 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

I wrote a post a few months ago about how my kid pulled at my skin and said, "you're old here"

May 24, 2009 at 12:52 AM  

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