And so it begins

There are few things that flip me out more than parents talking about their prepubescent children in cutesy-pseudo-sexual terms.

"Agoo! Are you a cutie putie baby? Are you a heart breaker? Yes, you are! Yes, you're going to have many, many boyfriends because you are such a looker, aren't you? Ooh! Diaper change!"

"How was school, young lad?"
"Gweat." (or if it's young ladrinka, "bowing".)
"Did you see your little girlfriend today?"
"I don't have a giwwend"
"Ha ha! Of course you do! That little Avery minx! Maybe the two of you will get married."

To me, it's creepy. I think adults do it because they have nothing else to talk to kids about, so they sort of pass on their own dating dramas unto them. And you know what? That's fucked up.

Or so I thought.

So, the other day, I was mid my morning routine, when the phone rang. It was the dad of one of the girls in my son's class apologizing for calling so early but telling me that Jezebel is insisting on a playdate with young ladrinka. This was alarming because up until that point we've been following the normal 2nd grade protocol of gender segregation, which I was hoping would continue until after I'd been cremated and safely placed on the shelf.

"Sure," I lied. "He'd love to."
If you're wondering why I lied, you're obviously new to this blog, so welcome! To bring you up to date, I lie only when it's easier than telling the truth. And sometimes just for the hell of it.

So we set up a playdate for the weekend. Which was convenient because I had beauty treatments scheduled, but was also inconvenient because young ladrinka said, in sum and substance, "fuck that shit," except in much nicer, albeit less expressive terms. Irony.

But the playdate finally took place and he was smitten. Not so much with Jezebel, but with the cool gym in her building and her older brother's toys.

Is that how it happens? They lure you with toys?

"I had fun, but I'm not marrying her," he told me.

That's right, young ladrinka. You're not.

Reminder!

Scary Mommy, OHMommy, A Southern Fairy Tale and I are doing our first ever joint giveaway and it's a doozy! Check out the EZ to Read and Understand Rulz here! Go and read so that you don't fuck it up.