Sunday, December 14, 2008

Week in Review

Monday:  I get a copy of my college Alum Bulletin and read this from one of my former classmates:  "I'm right where I want to be in life, with a great husband, a relaxing view of the Seine from our living room, and intellectual hobbies."  Panic that I don't have any intellectual hobbies, that Husbandrinka isn't as great as her husband, that I have a relaxing view of where the Twin Towers once stood, reminding me of the worst terrorist act in history on  a daily basis.

Tuesday:  See commercial for Sean John's "I am King" perfume. Be unable to stop laughing.

Wednesday: Oprah announces that she's 200 pounds and Kelly Ripa says that all of us can relate to Oprah. I make an emergency appointment to get my hearing checked.

Thursday: Argue with Husbandrinka and insist that Sarah Silverman is not "over the top and ridiculous." Force him to watch an episode of her show. Unfortunately, it's the week that she decides to marry her dog.

Friday: Feel queasy.

Saturday: Continue feeling queasy and tell John that I hope it's not morning sickness because I'm not in the mood to get an abortion. John shocks by saying, "I'm against abortion." He feels that abortions are unfriendly and also says, "I love life, Marinka. Love it. Love everything about it."

Sunday: Stomach flu seems to be passing, but please not a word to Husbandrinka, because I am still milking it.



Blogger Laura said...

Oh oh oh..I just saw Sean John's new commercial yesterday as well. Uh does P Diddy think that we think that he's in South Beach or the Hamptons all the time wearing his cologne? The camera was on him the entire time! Haha.

December 14, 2008 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree said...

Damn. I don't have any intellectual hobbies either. Unless you count reading blogs and twittering "intellectual"

December 14, 2008 at 11:34 AM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

Oh Marinka, my naive young friend. Obviously no practice at reading between the lines:

"I finally found a husband, which is great because I was getting desperate. He got a posting to Paris, and I sometimes see him on weekends. I thought the City of Lights would be glamorous but I haven't been able to learn the language or make friends, even with other Americans. So I sit all day in my favorite chair reading or daydreaming, while gazing out over traffic jams and beeping mopeds to the dirty stinky river. Still, it is better than that hole over the fire station where I was living before I met him. "

Unless she is French, in which case the view of the Seine is obtained by sticking her head at a 90 degree angle out the living room window.

Feeling better now?

December 14, 2008 at 12:51 PM  
Blogger Frogs in my formula said...

Kelly Ripa bites. She really does. Can you send me your stomach bug? A) I need to lose weight and b) I seriously need something to milk.

December 14, 2008 at 12:57 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

She married her DOG??? Oh jesus christ I can't stop laughing!! You are too much.

December 14, 2008 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

intellectual hobbies? Yeah, my hobbies are watching five year olds stick their hands up their nose, down their pants and in their mouths. yeah. (except that it makes GREAT blog material..)

December 14, 2008 at 2:40 PM  
Blogger wfbdoglover said...



December 14, 2008 at 2:41 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

And ANOTHER thing....I want that damn flu, too. I need a jump start on that diet. Now, get your ass over here and kiss me.

December 14, 2008 at 2:41 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Glad to hear your stomach bug has passed, with no need for abortion.
LOVE Silverman, but (forgive me, I am but a simple midwesterner)... who is Sean John? Please don't tell me that this is yet *another* name for Puff Daddy. I was still getting used to calling him P Diddy.

December 14, 2008 at 2:52 PM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

What a week! Intellectual hobbies? Is that like people who do algebra for fun? I don't know anyone like that.

December 14, 2008 at 3:11 PM  
Blogger Pearl said...

Oh, I love your writing. :-)

Enjoyed the re-cap of your week and will be back.


December 14, 2008 at 3:57 PM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

Does husbandrinka read this blog? Or does he know about it and its frequent mentions of him? ;)

December 14, 2008 at 4:18 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

How the hell do you have time to blog? You need an assistant. OMG-I see your reality show now Assistinka (oops now that came out all wrong).

December 14, 2008 at 4:40 PM  
Blogger Marinka said...

Laura--I'm so glad that you saw the commercial too! I was starting to get paranoid and worry that they were airing it just for me!

Kirsten--those are super duper intellectual!

Sophie--I think you're right and I appreciate your guidance.

Frogs--it's on the way! You're welcome.

Vodka moms--spoiler alert! I think the wedding didn't actually go through. I can't remember because Husbandrinka's eye rolling became really loud.

Rachel--yes, it is Puff Daddy. OMG, unless it's not and I now sound like a huge racist.

Comedy Goddess--I think it's ok to have intellectual hobbies as long as you don't (a) call them intellectual hobbies and (b) tell people that you have them. Really, it's easier to watch daytime TV.


mo--heavy sigh. He doesn't read this blog, even though I've sent him links and asked him to read it. He does know that he is a frequent topic and that everyone who reads it is completely on my side and is totally against him.

Ann--I love ASSISTINKA! That is so brilliant, I will steal it.

December 14, 2008 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Swistle said...

Unfriendly? HA HA HA HA HA!

December 14, 2008 at 7:43 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

Oooh-la-la, I hav ze tres intellectual 'obbiez-uh, as well... ahhh... how you say? zey arrre verry verrry interesant and keep ze mind so verry verry occupied while in ze larj soaking tub zat overlook ze Champs Elysees.

I am sorry ef you do not understand ze accent in ma writing. Efer since I move to Paris, ze accent, she just will not go away.

I do not hav experience with ze stomach flu. She is not necessary in Paris, for, as you know, women in Paris are tres chic all ze time.

I hope your husband begin to talk to you soon, cherie. I am so sorry for you and your pitiful little life.

December 14, 2008 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

Ooops, forgot to add that I LOVED the blog trade from Friday -- all three. Hilarious. Thank you.

December 14, 2008 at 8:27 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

What DO intellectual hobbies look like?? Joining groups that sit around and talk about world events? Or can it be reading trashy books? I fit in one category, not in the other....

December 14, 2008 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger Tooj said...

I'm shocked to hear you say that it's not worth it to stay up late! You of all bloggers, I thought you'd be a good stay-up-all-night partner!!! There goes my fantasy of visiting NYC and partying with you. LOL

December 14, 2008 at 9:13 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Sophie, Inzaburbs beat me to it - I was going to do a read between the lines thing but hers is funnier! Mine was 'a great husband' - someone I never see because he's always at work and I don't have any friends because I have moved over here and have no one to talk to and the only thing I can order is a baguette! Believe me I've moved 10,000 miles away from home and I at least spoke the language - well most of the time.

I love Oprah - she is a woman after my own tummy!

December 15, 2008 at 12:30 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

I also had the stomach flu this weekend. Really. I'm not just saying it to be cool.

December 15, 2008 at 5:19 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

If you were to take up my new found craft of transforming tampons into lovely gifts, you too would have an intellectual hobby. And, if you had been pregnant, you would have had a use for your tampons.

Btw- I hear there is a stomach flu that is going around that lasts for WEEKS. Of course, this means your husband will have to wait on you and feel sorry for you for a long time. I am certain you have it. Certain, I say!

December 15, 2008 at 6:40 AM  
Blogger Z said...

One, your former classmate is totally lying. Your life is ever so much more fabulous!

And for stomach flus, I prescribe AT LEAST one week of being waited on hand-and-foot. AT LEAST ;) And hell, I'm 1/2 + 1/2 a doctor, so it's a real prescription. I can even steal my husband's prescription pad and write it up for ya, if you want! :)

December 15, 2008 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

What is an intellectual hobby? Does it vibrate?

I'm clueless and unintellectual.

December 15, 2008 at 5:11 PM  
Blogger Temple said...

Is watching The Soup an intellectual hobby? If so, I'm cool! Oh, and little Ripa needs to be careful about talking about the "O"...she could be mistaken for a snack! (did I just say that out loud?)

December 15, 2008 at 9:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AGreed 1000% about I Am King. Pshaw hahahah!

And can't pull my shit together after laughing so hard at 'not in the mood to get an abortion'.

The funniest I have ever heard.

December 15, 2008 at 9:13 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Hope you feel better. :)

December 15, 2008 at 9:38 PM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

I'd like to apply for the position of Assistinka. To whom do I email my resume?

December 16, 2008 at 9:29 AM  

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