A Humorless Post
Yesterday was a hard day for me. Not because anything happened, but because the enormity of being a parent sometimes catches up with me and it's overwhelming. I had a meeting about one of my children and although it went well, I started crying on the subway on my way to work.
Here's what I've seen people do on the subway: various sex acts, threats, maniacal ravings, desperate pleas, eating what appears to be a four course meal, and doing word searches with the intensity that most people devote to nuclear power talks.
Everyone who rides the subway in NYC knows to avoid eye contact at all costs, so when I put my sunglasses on and sobbed silently, I was shocked to look across the subway car and see a man smile at me sympathetically and mouth "are you ok?" At least I think that's what he mouthed, it could have been, "are you gay?" because he wanted to introduce me to his lesbian sister or something.
But it made me feel better. Although not as better as I would have felt if he had been George Clooney. Why, why can't George Clooney ride the subway like a normal person and comfort me when I'm feeling weepy?
But I am ok, so please do not worry about me. Unless "worrying about me" involves gifts. In which case, I recommend full-fledged panic.
I think the reason that I wanted to write this was that I often write about my life in a lighthearted way, because that's what is appealing to me, but I wanted to let people know that it's not all fun and games around here, either. I know one way to convey that is to write something profound about the meaning of life, and the ennui that we all feel at times, but who the hell has the energy to look up "ennui"?
Here's what I've seen people do on the subway: various sex acts, threats, maniacal ravings, desperate pleas, eating what appears to be a four course meal, and doing word searches with the intensity that most people devote to nuclear power talks.
Everyone who rides the subway in NYC knows to avoid eye contact at all costs, so when I put my sunglasses on and sobbed silently, I was shocked to look across the subway car and see a man smile at me sympathetically and mouth "are you ok?" At least I think that's what he mouthed, it could have been, "are you gay?" because he wanted to introduce me to his lesbian sister or something.
But it made me feel better. Although not as better as I would have felt if he had been George Clooney. Why, why can't George Clooney ride the subway like a normal person and comfort me when I'm feeling weepy?
But I am ok, so please do not worry about me. Unless "worrying about me" involves gifts. In which case, I recommend full-fledged panic.
I think the reason that I wanted to write this was that I often write about my life in a lighthearted way, because that's what is appealing to me, but I wanted to let people know that it's not all fun and games around here, either. I know one way to convey that is to write something profound about the meaning of life, and the ennui that we all feel at times, but who the hell has the energy to look up "ennui"?
Labels: Marinka is Morose
posted by Marinka at
2:01 PM
16 Comments:
I think we've all been there. Some days it all just sort of catches up to you and you need some release. And I sometimes feel bad that all I write about is the goofy shit in my life. But that's what I feel like sharing most days. Not everyone can be deep and profound. It hurts my poor little head...
Now, should I write about the kinoki pads or the kitty party mix? Decisions, decisions...
We're all human and have our ups and downs but for the most part, I think we all try to keep our blogs lighthearted and fun.
I hope you really are feeling better.
Ennui always makes me think of Edward Gorey: "N is for Neville who died of ennui." (from http://www.geocities.com/sunsetstrip/stage/7535/gorey.html)
Nice that someone was nice to you.
We all have our days. Thanks for posting about this one. Sometimes I wonder about the "internets" I run into way too many mommas that have "glorious" lives and wonder - what am I doing wrong?
Melissa-yes, exactly! And I think that you should write about both!
Jess-Thank you, I am feeling better.
Magpie--Edward Gorey always makes me feel better. Thanks!
Mekhismom--Exactly. I think that was why I wanted to post about my cranky, bad mood.
Even your humorless post has humor. George Clooney. ;~)
My sis is a social worker with Native Americans in Manhattan and it bothers her so much that people don't make eye contact and reach out to one another.
As much as she dislikes our homogeneous country town, she can't help but appreciate the wonderful sense of community here.
Warms my heart that a stranger took time to show you empathy.
sidenote: why does eating in a subway car seem WAY grosser than eating in my own car? Both are breeding grounds for some pretty nasty bacteria.
I hope everything is alright. Just remember, whatever it is, it is always the husbands fault. :)
Just always remember to advocate for your child and go with your gut, unless of coarse they did something like putting gum on the principals chair.
I have been there... I've already started with "meetings" about my son and he's only three! It's very emotional - and even when things are going well, it's all so complicated.
I don't think anyone assumes that the 'rinkas are all fun and games - but I know that we all appreciate the laughs that you have given us. Even now - you manage to get a few jokes in there when you're being serious.
Everything you write is good stuff - so shouldn't worry about being sadrinka every once in a while.
Even your humorless post has humor. You just can't help yourself.
I often worry about posting when I am feeling down and cranky. But I think that his what makes people interesting, the highs and lows. I was just telling a friend the other day that motherhood has brought out the best in me, but also the worst.
Glad you are feeling better today.
You still managed to be funny in this post. Sorry you had an emotional day.
you know it's funny, we all have those dark places we would like to hide. But, if we open our eyes just a bit- we can see that we are not alone in those dark, scary places. sending you hugs, and perhaps a LARGE bottle of vodka. Oh wait, I think I drank it.
I'd love to leave a kind response right now, because I love me some Marinka, but I am having a rage attack right now watching the debates. Perhaps I should go ride the subway? I could be the crazy, ranting lady!
ah...my last comment on your last post was something to the extent of being all fun and games.
but...you are a real family!
what a wonderful person to check in on you. the world needs more of those.
i live in mn (the land of mn-nice)...and i don't see that every day. but i know that if you look a wee bit harder...and make eye contact yourself...people tend to see you back.
Okay, I laughed at "are you gay?"
And now, I totally get you. I write lighthearted too and I've had something happen recently that makes it hard for me to continue writing lightheartedly, but that I don't really want to share on my blog for the whole world to see, but that I want people to know about.
Oh, and when the trailer fell off my bike yesterday and I was stranded on the side of the road, I kept hoping that no one would ask me if I needed help because I have such a hard time communicating and guess what! No one did. Which then kind of pissed me off.
I think it's good to let the crank out a little sometimes. You still managed to make me giggle. I'm sorry about the rough day.
Could you send me George when you're done with him, I could use a cuddle myself.
I love that you find humor in life, and share it with all of us!
I also love that you are real, and I knew this before even reading this post.
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