Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Nice Capades

Every year, I take $120 from my wallet and flush it down the toilet. It's a very special ritual, also known as buying ice skates for my daughter. She ice skates about half a dozen times in them and then for no apparent reason, her feet grow over the summer and by the next winter she's all Cinderella's stepsister-like and her ice skates don't fit.  I'm trying to get her to start smoking to stunt her growth a bit, but she's resisting it.  Apparently it's not healthy of something.

So I placed last year's skates on Craigslist.

Reidell girl's ice skates
Size 6, model 121, white ice skates.
Gently used, some markings and a few scratches.
$50/ BO.

I thought that my ad was very to the point and was overall Madison Avenue-style excellent.  I filled out a deposit slip for the $50 that I was sure would be coming my way soon and picked out a spot for  my future Clio on the mantle.

For the first few days, I did not get any responses. I did not panic because it's not like as soon as you see a Coke commercial you run out immediately to get a can, especially if it's like in the middle of the night or you just came out of a surgical procedure or something.  The next few days brought similar results.  It was getting harder to keep my spirits up but papa encouraged me by saying "$50? Are you insane?!  You should pay people to take that crap away from you."  

But then on the sixth day, it happened.  I got a response from someone who truly appreciated my ad:

From your post you seem very interesting so i thought i'd break the ice. I'm 21
years old and single again. I recently got out of a long term relationship and I
have totally forgotten how to date. I'm not looking for anything serious right
off the bat but I would like to go on casual dates again and get to know people,
if it turns into something more then no problems. I'm somewhat shy, a bit
eccentric and I can be very blunt. I wear t-shirts, play video games, have a WOW
account,watch anime, and I love pizza and sushi.

I know that the customer is always right and all that, but what the fuck that does this mean?  I put an ad for ice skates and I seem like an interesting person?  I can just see him thinking--"intriguing. Such small feet. And she no longer ice skates... There must be a story behind it!"  And how do you get out of a long term relationship when you're 21?  (AND ALSO--I realized that when my daughter was born, 10 years ago, he was 11 years old. OMG.)

Oh, and he forgot how to date?  Well, I haven't been on the dating scene myself in over 12 years, but from what I seem to recall, you find people to date on, oh, I don't know, dating sites as opposed to "selling children's ice skates" sites.  Although it's certainly a relief that he wears t-shirts because the last thing I need right now is to get involved with one of those hardline-against-t-shirt wearing freaks.

Is this what it's come down to? Do I need to start a relationship with this anime lover to sell the skates? Because I love pizza too.



Blogger Annje said...

I think you should go for it, so you don't have to waste your deposit slip. It sounds like you two have so much in common. I can never refuse a man who plays video games and as an extra bonus, watches anime--Sexy!

January 6, 2009 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger tracey.becker1@gmail.com said...

Creepy stalker dude.

I hate the spam crap I find in my regular email box. HOW do they know I have always wanted a larger p#nis?? I've always kept that a secret!!!

January 6, 2009 at 10:28 AM  
Blogger bex said...

I'm not seeing the dilemma here... Everyone knows that making a sale and pizza are the two greatest things on this planet.

January 6, 2009 at 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that's funny! And people say it's hard to find a nice man to date. ;)

January 6, 2009 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

The first two lines in your post? I'm totally stealing those fuckers sometime in the future.

This 21 year old is a dweeb. I get regular emails from Bonnie & Margie telling me how i make them really hrny. And I'm not even gay.

January 6, 2009 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger K and/or K said...

Hey--you've still got it!

January 6, 2009 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Lol... you should try to be less suggestive with your ads. I mean really, the one you posted just oozes "hot for anime and pizza hussy."

January 6, 2009 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

I think you should print it out and casually leave it where Husbandrinka will find it. That'll fix him.

January 6, 2009 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

well, your ad was very racy and to think that someone wouldn't assume that you're looking for a little side action is silly. you tease!

thanks for the laugh!

January 6, 2009 at 12:07 PM  
Blogger OHmommy said...

Oh man. I just sat down at the computer to list our old Pottery Barn TV armoire on Craigslist.

I'm going to have to re-write what I have for it. I like pizza too. Sausage, to be exact.

January 6, 2009 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

He doesn't even skate? Loser.

January 6, 2009 at 12:22 PM  
Blogger Green said...

$50/BO...what do you expect? BO is the secret word for I need it bad!

January 6, 2009 at 12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


And also, if you pick things up with him, you can be a Cougar in NYC

January 6, 2009 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger Lucia said...

I found this incredibly funny!!Still lmao!! I mean, nothing says you're hot date material more than 'Gently used, some markings, and a few scratches.'
Dude's got serious issues, although to his credit he did say he was 'breaking the ice.'

January 6, 2009 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger The Spicers said...

I'd love hear your response!

January 6, 2009 at 1:09 PM  
Blogger Lynn C Mama to 3 said...

Maybe he is on to something. Buy the skates for $50, get a date for free. Its a little prostitute-esque but in this economy you have to take risks.

January 6, 2009 at 1:12 PM  
Blogger LTYM said...

Now I'm thinking of that song "Through the Eyes of Love" from "Ice Castles". Thanks a lot, Marinka.

January 6, 2009 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Sounds like he went ice skating, fell, and cracked his noggin if he actually sent that off of your ad. WTF?!

January 6, 2009 at 1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Personally, I think he has self-esteem issues. Either that or he is a hardcore fetishist.

Although he may have thought he was getting a size 6 model of caucasian origin who ice skates, there is no getting past the fact that you also advertised yourself as 121 years old, gently used, with Body Odour.

And then you actually had the nerve to ask for money. You should feel lucky you even got one response, and from someone who clothes their upper body, no less.

January 6, 2009 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger Maddness of Me said...

Poor kid, thought he was clicking on a personal on Craigslist, but hit your iceskates instead. Some people will sell ANYTHING on Craigslist, I can't believe it's a pimp site too.

Also, be careful not to read "pizza hussy" in the comment above too quickly. I pulled a muscle in my eye.

January 6, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

Are you sure you were on Craig's list and not some dating site for 21 year old t-shirt wearing, pizza eating, stalker creeps who like girls with small feet? Did you double-check?

January 6, 2009 at 1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank goodness she's into ice skating and not horseback riding. Can you imagine what you'd get trying to sell last year's pony?

January 6, 2009 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger Julia@SometimesLucid said...

Ewww! What mom would say yes to dating him????

By the way, I gave you a bloggy award.

January 6, 2009 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger 2 Brits, 2 Yanks, 2 Dogs said...

Maybe he was a CIA agent and thought the BO was a code for Barrack Obama and really you have a coded message. Maybe its from your parents relatives at the KGB?

Seriously though, this is funny!

January 6, 2009 at 2:36 PM  
Blogger Irish Gumbo said...

Well, you should at least ask him if the skates would fit him! 50$ is 50$. And if he is that up against it for a date, he might have done anything for the chance!

January 6, 2009 at 2:39 PM  

Beats the hell out of the offers I got when I posted on Craigslist. "We will send you US cashiers check and arrange shipping. Because you are a dumbass and will accept my bogus check and give me your product for free." Well they didn't say the last part but they might as well have...


January 6, 2009 at 2:42 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I'd at least want to see a picture first, but I'm shallow like that.

January 6, 2009 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

This is cracking me right up. I think you should email him back with something equally irrelevant, like a cookie recipe and a link to a really nice chef's hat (or whatever else you can think of that is the opposite of ice skates; I always do have a hard time figuring out the opposite of ice skates), and then see what he does.

January 6, 2009 at 3:52 PM  
Blogger Imogen Lamport, AICI CIP said...

Ahh spammers - they'll follow you to your grave, then offer you lots of money to transfer into your bank account from Nicaragua from a dead man.

January 6, 2009 at 4:02 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Maybe if you posted your ad in the 'curious and looking' section of Craigslist (Is there such a section? I ask because I really don't know!), I bet you'd unload those skates within the hour.

January 6, 2009 at 4:05 PM  
Blogger Miss Britt said...

I thought for SURE you were going to tell us you posted in the wrong category. LOL

January 6, 2009 at 6:41 PM  
Blogger jmt said...

Holy crap!! LOL That is FUNNY. Why would you try selling ice skates on a singles site? ;)

January 6, 2009 at 7:03 PM  
Blogger Pseudo said...

Up the price and see what happens.

January 6, 2009 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

I flush money down the toilet on a regular basis. One of these days I'm going in after it.

January 6, 2009 at 7:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should go for it, he sounds like a winner. That or redo the ad to say:

'I am a kinda interesting, and I have skates'

see where it gets you?

January 6, 2009 at 8:05 PM  
Blogger That Janie Girl said...

That's crazy, girl!

January 6, 2009 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger Mama Cass said...

this is so funny...what was his best offer?

January 6, 2009 at 8:25 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

When I post on Craigslist I only get the same wacky Asian guy from Brooklyn wanting to know if I have any other "collectibles" to sell. You chicks have all the fun.

January 6, 2009 at 8:27 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I'll bet the long term relationship he just got out of was with his mother.

January 6, 2009 at 8:39 PM  
Blogger Frogs in my formula said...

I have encountered some freaky people on craigslist. Let us know what you decide to do about the skates. Maybe the dude's ex was a skater? Oh hell, who knows.

January 6, 2009 at 9:33 PM  
Blogger Anna Lefler said...

OK, I need to break something to you, Marinka:

In CraigsList-speak, "ice skates" means "bondage partner."

Thank GOD you weren't trying to sell your old VCR. You don't even WANT to know what THAT means.

~ A.

January 6, 2009 at 10:02 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

That seems desperate. Give it a little more time.

January 6, 2009 at 11:51 PM  
Blogger King of New York Hacks said...

Well....to hell with it , I'm going to start selling skates on Craigslist...no wait maybe I'll sell those old 70's roller skates to see what kinda freaks reply !!!LOL Hilarious post !

January 7, 2009 at 12:46 AM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

I've been trying to sell my son's old ice skates on Craig's List (Riedell 121, size 1, black, $50) for MONTHS and not a single date.

Bunch of racists singles.

xoxo, SG

January 7, 2009 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

Forgot how to date? Long term relationship? with what? his CAT? and when did he and the cat meet? When he was a fetus?

January 7, 2009 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger Bird's Eye View Photography said...

So Funny! I hate spam!

January 7, 2009 at 4:38 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

Where I come from all of this:

"single again. I recently got out of a long term relationship and I
have totally forgotten how to date. I'm not looking for anything serious right
off the bat but I would like to go on casual dates again and get to know people,
if it turns into something more then no problems. I'm somewhat shy, a bit
eccentric and I can be very blunt. I wear t-shirts, play video games"

could have been explained by saying "I am a slob, a loser and a dick"

January 7, 2009 at 6:58 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

Just imagine the person who sends that note in response to every damned ad on Craigs List. Wowl

January 7, 2009 at 10:42 PM  
Blogger Z said...

Sounds like it could be true love to me ;)

January 8, 2009 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Coma Girl said...

Just found you from the Queen of Shake-Shake.


January 9, 2009 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger ^_^ said...

Now I know that I should never read any of these blogs while drinking water...

January 12, 2009 at 4:00 PM  

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