Monday, December 22, 2008

Dear Everyone

Dear Bouncer in Trendy Bar-Type Place That I Don't Usually Go To:

When you ask me for ID and I say "really?", please don't look at my face and say, "oh, you're right, never mind."

Dear Husbandrinka:

When I casually mention "why don't we just all commit mass suicide and get this holiday shit out of the way?", there's no reason to ask if I'm "insane and/or suicidal". It was just a thought. It's like I'm not allowed to have an opinion around here.

Dear 10 year old daughter:

Just because I asked you to make your bed doesn't mean "this is going to be the worst vacation ever!!!!"

Dear 7 year old son:

You really are not getting the PSP-2 game system. No, I'm not just saying that so that you'll be extra surprised on Christmas. And "worsest mom"? Try English, kid.

Dear In-Laws:

Thank you for coming to stay with us for the holidays. Because I am still trying to recover from the time that I flew around Christmas-time nine years ago. And I don't think that my marriage can survive another one of those "God, we Jews are so much smarter than you guys"/"Oh yeah, let's check out flights to Palm Beach around Passover, shall we" discussions with Husbandrinka.

P.S. And thanks in advance for the excellent blog fodder!

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Blogger derfina said...

Ohmy! Did you reflexively knee that bouncer in the gonadial region?

December 22, 2008 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger That Janie Girl said...

I think you need to delve into your inner self and expand on all that stuff!

What a mess that must be!

Think Starbucks. Think bubble bath. Think stinking drunk.

December 22, 2008 at 10:03 PM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

I think my kids are thinking of committing mass suicide because according to them THIS IS THE MOST BORING VACATION EVER!! And we are only on day one. Apparently I am supposed to keep them entertained AND fed all day long.

December 22, 2008 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Funny! Ah, to card, or not to card...that is the question.

Once I got asked if I was at least 18 when getting some scratch-off lotto tickets to put in a birthday card. I was floored! I so wanted to jump the counter and kiss the guy for that one.

Um...since he's not getting it,can I have the PSP-2 game system? I like gadgets!

December 22, 2008 at 10:10 PM  
Blogger Swistle said...

OMG, your 10-year-old daughter and my 10-year-old son would totally be BFF. I told mine he had to TAKE A SHOWER, and he said he thought vacation was supposed to be FUN.

December 22, 2008 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger Ann Imig said...

Dear Marinka, Thank you for continous non-stop entertainment for completely exhausted holiday-hater.

December 22, 2008 at 10:15 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

I can't wait to hear all about the in-laws coming to stay. That should give your material for 2009 in its entirety.

December 22, 2008 at 11:07 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Dear Marinka:
Thanks for your ranting and raving the day before Christmas Eve. I totally feel normal now, and can BEGIN my Christmas shopping while STILL laughing over your post.


December 23, 2008 at 6:38 AM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

I'm joining you in the "worsest mom" club. It was yelled at me last night as Lily opened slippers for Hanukkah. Nice. Looking forward to hearing the in-law tales!

December 23, 2008 at 6:39 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

p.s. I'm still the "worst damn mom in the world."

December 23, 2008 at 6:39 AM  
Blogger Jeanne Estridge said...

I was once asked for ID and when I went to retrieve it from my purse, the guy laughed and said he was just kidding. I realize everybody has their own individual sense of humor, but that is NOT FUNNY.

Thanks for all the laughs -- have a great holiday!

December 23, 2008 at 6:55 AM  
Blogger Green said...

Gee, I thought I was the "worsest" mom in the universe!

December 23, 2008 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger Lucy Filet said...

My husband just had ID experience. Since the drinking age in Poland is 18, there's never a chance of getting carded, but boy it sucks when you go to the store where they have a big sign that says "We card under 35" and they don't card you. And you're under 35.

December 23, 2008 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Travel around Christmas? No way! We Jews like to save that day to go to the movies and then order take-out Chinese. Best day ever!

December 23, 2008 at 10:28 AM  
Blogger La Belette Rouge said...

The nice thing about people behaving badly is that it gives us something to write about. Hope your family doesn't give you too much to write about during the holidays. Wait, what am I saying?

December 23, 2008 at 10:40 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

We worsest moms in the universe should really start a gang and get cool gang jackets!

December 23, 2008 at 10:58 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I've got the bouncer's voodoo doll all prepared. Say the word.

I can understand the bed thing though. I mean it's just going to get messed up again.

December 23, 2008 at 11:09 AM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Are you saying your daughter is dramatic? See - now I wouldn't have gotten that from previous posts... My daughter is only 2 and I can already see what life will be like when decides that I am public enemy #1.

December 23, 2008 at 12:03 PM  
Blogger Maddness of Me said...

Come to think of it, my brother-in-law is Jewish and every conversation IS about how much smarter they are. Interesting.

Also, you can tell your son that if no PSP-2 is good enough for Brad & Angelina's kids, it's good enough for him :)

December 23, 2008 at 2:03 PM  
Blogger jen said...

bed comment? glimpse into my future. thanks for that.

and bouncer ... not funny. that's horrible.

December 23, 2008 at 3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd probably have smacked the bouncer. Seriously!

This post cracked me up. I'm surprised your daughter didn't throw in an eyeroll and hair toss for added emphasis. If I never see another one of those again it will be too soon!

December 23, 2008 at 10:24 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

So I'm guessing your inlaws don't read your blog? Mine do. Sad.

December 23, 2008 at 11:32 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I thought of you this post tonight when I was buying liquor for christmas and they asked for id and I was surprised, but I learned from you and kept my mouth shut cause I didn't want any insults!

December 24, 2008 at 3:36 AM  

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