Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Babies are Awesome, You're Awesomer

So a bunch of us (Anymommy, Psychmommy,Instamom, Kate, Issa, For A Different Kind of Girl, and Eat Play Love) decided to throw Imommy a virtual baby shower yesterday, except apparently I was the type of guest who shows up empty handed and just sits in the corner and eats the cake and glugs the champagne and then asks, in a drunken stupor, "so, who's having the baby?" Or maybe I'm just fashionable late?

Sorry about that, but I am here now, with pearls of wisdom, which is not to be mistaken for a pearl necklace, you perverts.

Babies are awesome. Motherhood is great. Life is beautiful. I felt like utter and complete shit after I had my babies. And what I needed someone to tell me is "it will get better. The way that you feel now is not the way that you will always feel."

Not everyone feels like that, and my greatest wish for an expecting mother is that she not feel like that. But in case she does, I hope that she asks for help. Because help is there and it is important and we don't have to suffer.

But I also have some practical advice! Be that selfish girl who sits in the corner and eats cake. The one who doesn't care if her guests are comfortable, if they have enough to drink, if everyone's been introduced properly. Having a newborn means that we can let the social formalities slide. At least for a decade or so.

Don't send "thank you" cards when an email will do. Or a phone call. Or a telepathic message. Don't say, "nothing, really" when people ask what they can do to help. Have them hold the baby. Have them bring some caviar. Have them wash the dishes.

It's not that I'm advocating being rude. I am advocating putting yourself first. Yes, even with the baby in your arms. You come first. You have to.

Now, get me some more champagne.


Blogger Kirsten said...

Excellent advice. After my twins were born I was miserable, and felt such terrible guilt because I wasn't enjoying every second of it. I wish someone would have told me that it's normal and it's OK to ask for help.

Now I don't fell guilty about taking care of myself sometimes. Pass the champagne.

October 14, 2008 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger Nilsa S. said...

I'm not sure whether you're giving advice to a mother-to-be or a bride-to-be. It all kinda sounds the same to me. =)

October 14, 2008 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger PsychMamma said...

Priceless advice. Especially the part about sitting in the corner and eating cake instead of entertaining guests. Pass the cake!

Did you drink all the champagne AGAIN?!

October 14, 2008 at 12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where have you been all my life?

And could you pass that caviar?

October 14, 2008 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

That is great advice. Did husbandrinka write that? Just kidding. It's important advice. So many people expect you to do so much after you've had a baby. They should be doing their best to make the new parents' life easier.

October 14, 2008 at 12:46 PM  
Blogger Maura said...

I'm really beginning to think you have a thing for pearls.....

I'm always an advocate for putting yourself first when you need to, so I say you're right on with that advice.

Is there any champagne left?

October 14, 2008 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I wish I would have listened to advice like this when I was expecting. Instead I suffered and felt bitterly angry at everyone.

DUH! If I had it to do over again, I'd be making lists of things for people to do, including, but not limited to:
Making ME dinner
Cleaning out the garbage disposal
Doing a load of laundry
Weeding the garden
Giving me a foot massage

October 14, 2008 at 3:27 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

good advice!

October 14, 2008 at 4:08 PM  
Blogger Lucy Filet said...

I have a touch of insomnia and the best sleep I have ever gotten in my whole life was that sleep RIGHT after birth. So four times in my life I've had that fabulous sleep.

So sweet, even in memory. I love to see the pictures my husband took of me in that sleep. Even if I look like hell.

October 14, 2008 at 4:33 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, I am ALL ABOUT cake. I would totally sit in a corner and horde on some! And you're right. You have to take a moment or 39 to regroup and enjoy and heal after a baby. People understand, and if they don't, don't let them stress you out.

Great advice!

October 14, 2008 at 4:37 PM  
Blogger Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Remind me NOT to invite you to my Baby Showers...wait, no more babies...okay nevermind, you're good! lol!

October 14, 2008 at 5:19 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Excellent advice! But who ate all the frickin' cake?

October 14, 2008 at 11:41 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Excellent advice. Now, share that damn champagne, iMommy can't drink it for a few weeks anyway!

October 14, 2008 at 11:46 PM  

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