Friday, October 9, 2009

Pause

I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm menopausing. Or at least I skipped my period. I doubt that I'm pregnant and I really hope I'm not because if I am, this blog is quickly going to turn into Motherhood of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Baby in NYC and to be quite frank with you, I don't have the energy to get a new header.

So, not pregnant.

Which means, menopause.

I tweeted about it earlier in the week, because I'm one of those people who believes that the experience is not complete unless it's been tweeted and a friend of mine replied that I was lucky and that she couldn't wait until she stops getting her period. Which reminded me of my son saying that he couldn't wait to turn 65 so that he can retire.

But back to me. And my menopause.

I have not been getting hot flashes yet, so of course I'm panicked about why not. And then yesterday I thought I had an anticipatory hot flash, but then I realized that it was 70 degrees outside and I was wearing a cashmere sweater. Husbandrinka assures me that I am in "constant full-bitch mode" but I think that he is just trying out some new pick up lines.

And then last night, I was thinking about how for the past few years, whenever I had my gynecological check ups, my doctor would ask, "do you have dryness? Frequent urination? Burning while urinating? Painful intercourse?" and I'd be all bubble gum popping and "no, no, no, no" and for some reason I assumed that he was asking those questions because he was trying to make casual conversation while caressing my fallopian tubes, rather than because he was working off of a list of shit that I'm going to have to deal with at some point.

So now I'm worried that I have all that to look forward to.

But at least I'm not pregnant.

22 Comments:

Blogger I'm Nate's Mom said...

If you haven't seen Menopause: the Musical, you should. Makes having your period seem like a regular party. Really, I left the theater saying, "Yeah. Not doing that." Supposedly, it's all in the attitude. Embrace the dryness! But trade in the cashmere for the climalite.

October 9, 2009 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Maddness of Me said...

Some don't get any or some of the standard "symptoms" of menopause. In fact, irregular periods is a symptom
of perimenopause. You may just need a hormone adjustment. I get my hormones checked a few times a year because I'm 45. So far, I'm right in the good range. Don't get me started on the whole topic of synthetic vs natural hormones, but when I need them I will definitely go to my holistic doctor and get the natural ones.

I don't have any of the standard symptoms either, but my period schedule can be a little wonky sometimes.

October 9, 2009 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger AmazingGreis said...

LOL! Are you sure you're not pregnant? Just checking!!!

October 9, 2009 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger marathon mom said...

I come here looking for the slow cooker saga and some cat whisperer tips and I have to hear you brag about not having your period?

I hope you don't lose too many readers over this....

October 9, 2009 at 12:02 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

I was DONE with menopause at the age of 42. Here comes happiness, Marinka, here comes happiness. I shit you not. Yea, there are some shitty side effects but Oh the fucking glory of it all when it's done...

October 9, 2009 at 12:20 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I live by the theory that as long as I am not pregnant, life is good. I hope that can work for you, too.

October 9, 2009 at 12:21 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

i think i've been going through menopause since i was 20-- at least the bitchiness and the night sweats. what fun lives we lead!

October 9, 2009 at 2:44 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

Not that I'm wishing a third child on you or anything (besides, what would you call it? Thirdrinka doesn't sound that good), but are you TOTALLY sure? I have this paranoia on a regular basis, as I am juust irregular enough to cause regular panic attacks. Oh, the irony.

October 9, 2009 at 3:12 PM  
Blogger MG @ MommyGeekology said...

While I certainly don't feel like dealing with my period any longer ("Don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die!") I certainly don't feel like dealing with menopause. There should be some other option. I plan on being rich by then, can't I buy my way out of this?

Also, OpenID isn't working and it's a pain in the ass to comment on your blog unless you have a google account. GRR.

October 9, 2009 at 3:12 PM  
Blogger CSY said...

Oh my! I guess I'm lucky...and hopefully menopause starting is genetic cuz my mom is way older than me and still hasn't started menopause yet...my grandmother JUST got done with hers...my grandma and mom are gonna KILL me!

October 9, 2009 at 3:49 PM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

I'm going thru menopause right now (at 40) and I announced last night that I wasn't surprised because my uterus had been thru the fucking shredder. Total conversation stopper. Who knew?
xo, SG

October 9, 2009 at 3:56 PM  
Blogger GrandeMocha said...

I told gyn that I couldn't wait to stop having my period. He hooked me up with an IUD that made my periods stop after 3 months. Rock on. Now I don't have to run to the pharmacy every 28 days (because they won't refill before) and spend $30. Win/win.

October 9, 2009 at 4:33 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

The night sweats and dryness are a walk in the park -- the real bitch is that you lose your short-term memory. If I had a dollar for every time I've walked into another room to get something, but forgotten what it was by the time I got there, I'd be posting every day, because I wouldn't have to work anymore.

October 9, 2009 at 5:59 PM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I'm 48 and still haven't started menopause yet, so don't go throwing out the tampons yet...

October 9, 2009 at 7:24 PM  
Blogger A New England Life said...

Damn, about anything is better than being pregnant! When Flo stops coming to town I'll be a happy girl : )

Jeanne, I've had short term memory loss ever since I had teenagers. I don't think menopause causes that, it's psychological stress!

October 9, 2009 at 8:11 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

My friend was diagnosed with perimenopause in her forties and not to make you do math or anything but about ten months later her son Joseph was born. He is very cute, in an unexpected sort of way.

Also, why won't it let me pick my own name? Your blog comments are mean!

SDL

October 9, 2009 at 9:21 PM  
Blogger Maddness of Me said...

Yo girlfriend this is for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqgRHVmF8N0&feature=related

October 9, 2009 at 9:43 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

Can I throw a shower for you anyway?

October 9, 2009 at 10:17 PM  
Blogger Kari said...

You know the lesser known symptom of menopause, don't you? Flappy vagina.

October 10, 2009 at 2:31 AM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

Just make sure the HRT you go on is spike with hallucinogencis, because that would make your blogging about menopause actually interesting. And that would make it unique. Cos there isn't another single blog in the freakin' UNIVERSE about menopause that's interesting. Which must mean women become intensely BORING when menopause sinks in. So please take hallucinogenics, if you actually love me.

October 10, 2009 at 4:52 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

Thanks M. I had no idea ALL that came with menopause. Made my day here.

October 12, 2009 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger bonnie-ann black said...

i may be the only woman in the history of the world who says, "i want to have my period until i'm 90."

i hate going through menopause -- i resent it, i fear it and it's the most miserable and uncomfortable time of my whole life. i've never had a period that was so misery making.

Embrace the Hormones! i say. start HRP as soon as you can and hang onto it as long as you can ... unless you have all those wonderful bad habits that make *that* dangerous. in that case, then start drinking heavily *and* take hallucenogens.

October 13, 2009 at 12:50 PM  

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