I have to interrupt my week of crock pot posts that would have launched me into the world of food blogging stardom to report on several important issues that have been driving me fucking crazy and keeping me awake at night.
Issue 1: David Letterman.
I've been upset about it all week, because although I think Dave is super funny, I don't like my entertainers to be huge cheater pants. So, I mention my dilemma to Husbandrinka and he says, "the weirdest part of this whole thing is that the woman he had an affair with is not good looking." Yes, that's the weird part. I pointed out to Husbandrinka that not everyone gets to live with a Heidi Klum Klone, so people's mileage varies, but whatever.
Issue 2: What Happens to Roosters?
So, I've been making a lot of chicken in the crock pot and it made me think--what do the roosters do? They wake everyone up, they inseminate and then what? Retire? While the females are slaughtered for their breasts.
Again, I turned to Husbandrinka and he told me that in some countries roosters are eaten. I was sure that he was totally making it up, so I asked which countries and he said "France". Which now that I think about it, totally makes sense since they have cock au vin.
But what about in America? What do we do with our roosters? This is why I can't sleep at night. Fowl discrimination.
Issue 3: When A Friend Says Something and You Agree, But She Still Tries to Persuade You With Disturbing Examples.
A week ago, I had dinner with some friends and we were discussing what a disgusting piece of shit Roman Polanski was.
So Melissa says, "What a shit. She was a teenager!"
Marinka, "I know! Totally repulsive."
Melissa, "That's like if my husband had sex with your daughter."
The hell? Didn't I just agree that Polanski was gross? Why does she have to take it up a notch to win me over? Answer: Because she wants to make sure that I never sleep again.
Issue 4: Is There Room for One More?
My beloved John has a friend David, who he nicknamed The Lady Ashfield because David is from England, although for the first few years that I knew him I thought that he was from Canada because that's what John told me. Anyway, The Lady Ashfield talks normal, not Englandish and she reads this blog and when I don't post, calls John to complain and John is always like "get a life, I don't read that shit".
So The Lady Ashfield hinted that she wants a more prominent role on this blog. I'm torn. On one hand, I like fodder. On the other, I already have John as my stock gay. Can this blog handle one more? I don't want this to become like The Castro District around here. On the third hand, The Lady Ashfield is mildly foreign, and in this age of Obama, we should be embracing our neighbors. Anyway, I'm putting up a poll in the sidebar for you to vote on whether I should incorporate The Lady Ashfield into the blog or not.
Who can sleep?
Labels: Everyone is insane