Saturday, October 10, 2009

An Excellent Start to the Weekend

This morning I called papa to wish him a happy birthday and he said "I cannot thank you enough. Also you woke me up, but I was having nightmare, so I owe you a separate thank you for that." We chatted and he said, "how are your interpersonal relations?" and I said "fantastic!" because apparently I had a pound of Ecstasy before I called him. And then I asked him if he's like some balloons for his birthday and if you follow me on Twitter, you know the answer to that. (Yes. Attached to testicles).

So then I talked to mama and told her that I may be going through menopause. We chatted for a while, she shared some wisdom and then I said, "please don't tell papa. Or at least if you do tell him, tell him not to tell me that you told him." Because I don't want to have conversations about THAT with papa.

And mama said, "well.." and then she said "Maybe if you don't want papa to know about it, you shouldn't put it on internet so he reads it before you tell me about it."

Gulparoonie!

It's true. I blogged about it. But what kind of a father reads his daughter's blog?!

So I called papa again. And yes, they're in the same house. But they each have their own cell phone.

And I said, "I didn't know that you read my blog."
And he said, "I don't always read it, but I did yesterday."
And I said, "Well, you should know that I take creative license with my posts." (An example of creative sentence is that last sentence. Because I take no creative license.)
And he said, "Yes, the minister in France who wrote about having sex with boys in their poophole also said that he took creative license, but people are calling for his resignation."
So I had to explain to papa why writing that I am going through menopause is different from s0d0mizing children, which is an excellent way to start the weekend.

Finally papa says, "You may or may not be going through menopause. But even if you are not, you will soon. So if you want more children, this is the time to think about it."

And I said, "I do not want any more children."
And he said, "Well, think about it."
And I said, "I have. I definitely don't want any more children."
And then he said, "Well, if you are certain, then the fact of menopause isn't very interesting. It's just a fact of life. Like death."

Remember this post? It may soon become the new reality around here.

15 Comments:

Blogger Ann's Rants said...

Maybe this is Papa's subtle way of telling you he wants more little people around (and we both know that doesn't necessarily mean grandchildren)

Although Papa doesn't do subtle, does he.

October 10, 2009 at 11:04 AM  
Blogger K.Line said...

Oooh, he's pretty deep today!

October 10, 2009 at 11:19 AM  
Blogger Oh My Goddess said...

Hi Papa!

The facts of life and the facts of death are so matter of fact Marinka.

October 10, 2009 at 1:56 PM  
Blogger Vicki said...

Do not fear, because, according to my dad, there are a lot of facts of life that are reminiscent death, including

A) Getting parking tickets
B) Losing friends
C) Weddings (including mine)

I believe his favorite expression is "krug suzhayetsya" (the circle is getting narrower.)

October 10, 2009 at 3:24 PM  
Blogger Mwa said...

See, that is why I don't tell anyone I blog. I don't need them to confront me with my talk of horse penises and head lice.

Oh, and also when I do tell them their eyes glaze over and they don't even ask me for the url. Whatever.

October 10, 2009 at 3:41 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Hey, i've got a couple of kids for you. They're potty trained, don't talk back TOO much,and are only SLIGHTLY used.

And they are USED to being screamed at.
Unfortunately, they usually scream back.

October 10, 2009 at 5:16 PM  
Blogger SweetPeaSurry said...

I'm nearly positive that the conversation you had with your papa I would never in a million years want to have with my own. God love the man ... but how embarrassing!!!

Blessings woman!

October 10, 2009 at 6:00 PM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Ah, your Papa is a wise man; but you already knew that, didn't you?

October 10, 2009 at 8:11 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Oh my gosh I can't think of anything to say. I am speechless with jealousy over your wonderful blog! lol I found you through a link on another blog that is also so good I am short of breath.

However, I will use all my resources to suppress my envy and simply enjoy! :)

October 11, 2009 at 2:44 PM  
Blogger p-huong said...

Before you know it, Papa will want his own segment. "Marinka why does Nicki get her own tab? Why must I share with Mama?"

October 11, 2009 at 3:51 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Papa, do you read the comments, too?

October 11, 2009 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger Sophie said...

Marinka. It's not that I don't appreciate your experience with your changing female body and daddy's knowledge about it (whoa! brings you straight back to when you were 12, no?), but what happened with the croc pot story? I'm on edge here, couldn't stop thinking about it the entire weekend I spent in Amsterdam! (ok, I also take creative license)

Are you getting divorced? Is husbandrinka taking classes at the CIA? What's going on?

October 12, 2009 at 3:39 AM  
Blogger Miss Britt said...

The only thing worse than your family reading your blog is KNOWING your family is reading your blog.

October 12, 2009 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I've got a Teen Boy I am willing to loan out. Or pay for someone to take for a year.

October 12, 2009 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I'm really happy now that I do not twitter coz I really do NOT want to know about the balloons and testicles!!

October 12, 2009 at 6:26 PM  

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