Thursday, July 2, 2009

If My Twitter Updates Were Protected

So one of life's mysteries to me is when someone on Twitter follows you and you go to check them out and follow them back and it says that their updates are protected and that you have to seek the person's permission to follow them.


So, how does that work exactly?
"OMG, your Twitter ID is so awesome, I must follow you! Please, please let me!"

But of course I'm curious. What are these people Tweeting behind their locked accounts that they don't want the rest of us to see? Do they not get that Tweeting at its best is exhibitionism?

So I came up with a list of things that I would Tweet if I had a protected account:

1. In case I forget, my bank PIN is 83775

2. Just learned secret recipe for Coke. Will tweet later.

3. The following bloggers are huge whores:

4. A lot of lint in my belly button today.

5. I love "Wheel of Fortune".

6. I have a new wrinkle.

7. I bet everyone's wondering what secret things I'm tweeting about!

8. Maybe cover up while you breastfeed?

9. Thank goodness I can tweet about all the great sex I've been having!

10. God, I'm so jealous of Dooce! Why couldn't it have been me? WHY? I felt sad when my kid was born, too! Fuck. Must leave her more loving comments!

11. I'm sorry @mommywantsvodka that I called you a huge whore. I forgot you were one of my followers. I was kidding.


Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Ha! Marinka, you're insane!

I'd get arrested for my secret tweets 'cos my "filter" would fall the hell off.

July 2, 2009 at 6:32 PM  
Blogger jennifer said...

My MIL requested to follow me. There was no way in hell I was going to allow THAT to happen. You can deny the request but they can still read your stream without officially "following" you. That's exactly how I found out two of my SILs where reading me...

July 2, 2009 at 6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unfortunately my job entails that I have "high moral character" and I'm supposed to be a "role model" and all that shit.

So...yeah...I'd prefer students, or administrators, not reading my tweets.

July 2, 2009 at 7:11 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I am a filthy whore and I am fucking proud of it.

July 2, 2009 at 8:12 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

I clearly need to spend more time on twitter. I didn't know people could read your tweets if they didn't follow you and I didn't know you could password protect...but I love your list regardless!

July 2, 2009 at 8:42 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

now I'm sad you didn't call ME a filthy whore.

July 2, 2009 at 8:43 PM  
Anonymous kia (good enough mama) said...

Fecking 'ilarious, doooood. Loves it. I (tucking my chin into my chest and rolling my eyes up to my lids shamefully) still don't "get" Twitter.

July 2, 2009 at 9:51 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Just went to the restroom and wiped from front to back!

July 2, 2009 at 9:51 PM  
Anonymous Vicki said...

Usually the password protection is to filter out HORnyBRITTanyx584xx and LargeWetJOHNNN6969696 from following you and letting you know the best place you can buy Viagra, on Twitter. You'd be surprised some of the things people tweet when they're not protecting their updates. Like stuff about Anne Frank sometimes.

July 2, 2009 at 10:09 PM  
Blogger Elisa said...

I've always wondered about that too. But now that I've read your list, I can see the point ;-)

July 2, 2009 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger GutsyWriter said...

I guess I don't use Twitter enough, as this hasn't happened to me yet. I prefer Facebook.

July 3, 2009 at 12:12 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

I've always wondered this too -- like, how am I supposed to know if I want to follow you if I can't see your updates? I never thought perhaps the updates might be super spy secrets. But that could be cool. Bio = "I'm just a SAHM with 4 little kids and an empty box 'o wine" is a pretty great cover for a super spy, don't you think?

July 3, 2009 at 12:20 AM  
Blogger Kari said...

Yah, I don't get the point of being on Twitter, if someone is going to be all protected about it.

July 3, 2009 at 3:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look we all know that you called me a huge whore, I am not a cheap whore. No, no more like the kind of high class hooker Elliot Spitzer would have hired.

July 3, 2009 at 8:08 AM  
Blogger p.huong said...

The whore twits had me rolling. Not on E, but like laughing on the floor. Or on my bed anyways.

July 4, 2009 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Shit...I need to go see if mine is protected. I have no clue. On most things...

July 6, 2009 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger Courtney said...

New reader here! This is great!

I dont friend a lot of people. I look and if it is protected or just a bunch of links with no content it pass by.

I would so tweet all about my great sex!

July 27, 2009 at 7:48 AM  

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