Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Anne Frank, A Supermodel and Me

A few weeks ago something odd happened. I blame Twitter.

Someone that I follow on Twitter retweeted Kathy Ireland. Quoting Anne Frank. For those of you still communicating via cave etchings, "retweeting" is basically copying and pasting something that the original person tweeted and attributing it to them. In this case, the original person is @KathyIreland, the Sports Illustrated supermodel. @KathyIreland was quoting Anne Frank.

If by now you're thinking that David Letterman was right in that if you have to explain a joke, it's not a good one, you're totally wrong because I am not telling a joke. I am relating something that happened. Like a documentary.

The Twitter message struck me as strange. I mean, it's weird enough to have '80s icons mingling on Twitter with the great unwashed, but throw Anne Frank into the mix and it takes it up a notch.

So I tweeted:

And Kathy Ireland responded:


I called John for back up.

"Is she the one that I like?" he asked.
"Which one do you like?" I asked, still dizzy that an actual MODEL responded to me on Twitter.
"You know, the pretty one."
"Oh, that one."
"Kim Alexis."
"Oh, I like her too!"
"She's my signature favorite model!" John protested. He thinks I co-opt his favorite concepts. Like Creed perfume. And half-caffs at Starbucks. Which I totally do because he has better taste than I do and I'm a follower.
"I'm taking about Kathy Ireland."
"Oh, she's the one with the distinct voice, right?" John asked (note: "distinct" may not be an exact quote).
"I don't think so." (another note: my own voice is so "distinct" that people bring their pets to hear me speak because it causes them to become sterilized.)
"Right," he says. "That was Andie McDowell." And he tells me the story about how Andie McDowell's voice is so annoying, Glenn Close had to dub in for her in Graystoke. Which sort of makes me think, how badly do you want to have Andie McDowell in your movie if you have to have someone else do the voiceover for her? I mean, wouldn't it be easier to get someone else to begin wth? Like Kathy Ireland?

So John's no help and I dig deep for a response:

and she writes back:

which is 14 years longer than I've worked as a model, for those keeping score.

My work? So I'm mentally composing a Pulitzer Prize winning tweet (140 characters or less!) and then I see this:

My profile? In courage?
Let's review my profile, shall we?

* Name MarinkaNYC
* Location NYC
* Web http://nycmomandm...
* Bio Mom in NYC. Emotionally drained. And exhausted. Sometimes tipsy.

Great, she thinks I'm a lush. Fuck. No! This is just part of the mommy blogger uniform, like stilettos, which I totally can't wear. If I didn't drink on top of that, they'd totally throw me out of the club and take my blog from me. And I can't lose my blog, it's all I have. Except for the bottle, of course.

I am mentally composing a response and before I type it out, I see:

Great. The dreaded three dots. I was slightly worried that she was so worried about me that she was going to Demi Moore me.

So I finally respond:

and then went on to explain how I am a mom and work for causes that are close to my heart, like the legalization of gay marriage, although my involvement in that cause has so far been limited to being a fag hag.

And Kathy Ireland was very nice. She actually thanked me for not judging her, which made me feel a little bad because I still, after all that, sort of think that quoting Anne Frank is odd. But Kathy Ireland took the time to talk to me on Twitter, to explain herself, when she did not have to, and it made me feel like she is genuine in her quest.

And in her farewell to me, she suggested that I follow a friend of hers:


Of course.

Don't miss a moment of Twitter fun! Follow me!


Blogger Scary Mommy said...

It doesn't get better than this. Fucking hysterical!!

July 1, 2009 at 6:46 AM  
Blogger Amy@UWM said...


July 1, 2009 at 6:47 AM  
Blogger Molly C said...

dude. this is why I love twitter.

July 1, 2009 at 6:56 AM  
Anonymous marymac said...

LOl on the mommyblogger uniform! i wear it too- talked about not being able to walk in stilettos on my post today AND called myself a fag hag the other day! Glad scarymommy tweeted this post so I could find you sista bloggah! ;) cheers!

July 1, 2009 at 7:01 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Oh my gosh! How do these things happen to you?? Soooo hilarious!! I woke up feeling like crap, but this will brighten my day all day long!

July 1, 2009 at 7:13 AM  
Blogger jodifur said...

That, is hysterical. Well, look at it this way, Kathy Ireland actually twitters. Unlike some other celebrities.

July 1, 2009 at 7:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is effing hysterical! This is why I love you. Rollin' with the supermodels and you don't lose your sense of humor. Don't forget us little people!!

July 1, 2009 at 7:43 AM  
Anonymous Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

That's it. I'm getting me a little slice of this celebrity stuff I claim to hate.

I just tried to find Daniel Craig on Twitter. He's not there. I think I'm going to quit Twitter now.

July 1, 2009 at 7:48 AM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

But is she reading your blog now? Dame Elizabeth too?

July 1, 2009 at 7:55 AM  
Anonymous Halala Mama said...

Oh my.... nothing fun ever happens to me on Twitter. I feel like I'm barking into a still forest that no one can hear except the weirdo Octavian/Darth Vader who somehow found me, but hell, he has 6,000 that he is following so I don't think I'm too concerned by his stalking. :) Congrats on your Twitter fun!

July 1, 2009 at 8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You handled that very well.

July 1, 2009 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

That is awesome! Does that mean that Kathy Ireland is now following you on Twitter?

July 1, 2009 at 8:24 AM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

I'm not sure how you missed the connection but Kathy Ireland & Anne Frank both designed sock collections for Kmart.

I'm pretty sure that was Kathy Ireland; I'm positive about Anne Frank. What else makes people happier than acrylic socks? Now do you get it?

And are you ok . . .

xoxo, SG

July 1, 2009 at 8:27 AM  
Anonymous Vicki said...

How did I miss this? I'm hoping she didn't click the link to your blog and see that at times you've ruminated over killing Husbandrinka over fruit salad non-assistance, The Salem Maid Hunt, and, of course, picking a name for Nikki. She would have had a series of six ellipses then. You give us hope, Marinka, that normal people can, too, talk to Kathy Ireland. And have her think we're crazy.

July 1, 2009 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

omg. That exchange was HYSTERICAL!

and we NEVER judge people. p.s.

July 1, 2009 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Twitter is so weird, and this exchange is an excellent illustration of just how weird.

But the thing is? I think Anne Frank is just not compatible with the medium-- it doesn't really matter WHO's tweeting her. Except for news updates, I just kind of think Twitter is more, um, shallow than that.

You're good in 140 characters!!

July 1, 2009 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Managed Chaos said...

Wow...that twitter exchange was surreal ;o)

July 1, 2009 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

This killed me! So hilarious. Neil Diamond once twittered (tweeted? I don't know the proper verb) back to me that he didn't know me well enough to tell me he loved me yet and it broke my heart, but this whole Kathy Ireland having your back? I'd forever be tossing that into conversations!

July 1, 2009 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Tooj said...

I have had ZERO desire to twitter, learn about twitter, read a tweet, etc. But you just struck a nerve in me...maybe....I might....check into it. Hmmm. That would require a fancier phone that would allow me to be connected 24/7.

July 1, 2009 at 9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SO hilarious! And you handled it with such grace. I would have been a babbling mess. Think I'm going to go find Julie from the Love Boat on twitter, see if she can give me some good advice.

July 1, 2009 at 9:46 AM  
Blogger emily said...

Dame Elizabeth??? Good lord.
This was hilarious; thanks for sharing!

July 1, 2009 at 9:48 AM  
Blogger IB said...

And to think I was going to chuck my Twitter account. I LOVE Kathy Ireland!

Oh wait, it's Elle Macpherson. Never mind.

July 1, 2009 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...


That was an ugly rumor about Glenn Close. Please help me to understand these remarks about my voice.


Andie McDowell

July 1, 2009 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Mwa said...

That is the funniest thing. Twitter is freaky like that.

You're right about the alcohol. Without it, no mommyblog. It's nearly five o'clock here...

July 1, 2009 at 10:48 AM  
Anonymous Jane said...

I am laughing so hard right now!!!
Kathy Ireland has always bugged the crap out of me.
O to the prah can quote Anne Frank..... but Kathy Ireland..... what is happening to our world??
That was so damn funny!!!

July 1, 2009 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Anonymous said...

Wow. Yeah, I think that's all I have got. Just WOW.

This one time though, I felt compeltely celebrity-ish all over because Marinka responded to ME (!) once. Yeah. I was all "Wow. Yeah, I think that's all I have. Just Wow" then, too.

True story!

July 1, 2009 at 11:33 AM  
Anonymous Wendi said...

Hurry, to the Twitter everyone:
Carol Alt just quoted Camus! Or maybe it was Camus quoting Carol Alt. Not sure.

July 1, 2009 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

Oh my god you totally got into a bitch fight with Kathy Ireland. And I'm pretty sure she won. What the hell Marinka? Don't you have connections to the Russian mafia or anything?

July 1, 2009 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger Feener said...

that is humorous as well as somewhat spirit lifting ??

July 1, 2009 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Wedni's comment is freaking hilarious.

This whole thing seemed pretty normal to me until the Dame Elizabeth part. That launched us into the Land of OMG You Can't B4 Reals.

Well, the part where she thought your profile weas a cry for help - that was CRAZEE too.

July 1, 2009 at 12:12 PM  
Anonymous peajaye said...

#1. is k.i. sad over anne frank because she thinks, "So young, so thin. She could've been a model, then've had a career in home furnishings, just like me"?

#2. could someone tweet dame elizabeth and ask her to move some clouds into l.a. so it's not so hot this summer? and while she's at it, mabye make the sun shine in seatle a little more. thanks!

#3. i'm not judging you, marinka, but i definitely think the world's a better place because of you and your blog.

July 1, 2009 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger Fragrant Liar said...

Holy shit. I am missing out on so much by not using that fancy schmancy Twitter account I set up several months ago and haven't even looked at once since. I could totally be tweeting KI and promoting my causes. Which are, like, helping the needy with pains in the necks get lots of good drugs for it. Yeah, I'm in!

July 1, 2009 at 12:46 PM  
Blogger Maggie May said...

ha! i had a Kathy Ireland work out tape that i used for almost a decade. all i can picture is her in spandex, giant nursing breasts and smile, telling me to lunge.

July 1, 2009 at 1:45 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Oh my gosh! You got all star struck! WTF? You should have gotten into a cat fight with THAT would be AWESOME!

Are you ok...?

I'm sorry, I need a drink.

July 1, 2009 at 1:56 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I'm dying! That is the best Twitter story ever!! Hilarious!

July 1, 2009 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

WHAT THE WHAT??? I feel cheated now... I twitter all.the.time and have NEVER got anything so exciting!

I love that you have screen shots of all of them! lol!

July 1, 2009 at 3:03 PM  
Blogger K.Line said...

Jesus, M. This is outrageous. I would have totally freaked out and deleted my profile immediately. Great post!

July 1, 2009 at 3:25 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

This is the best damn twitter story ever. EVER. Ever. That is all.

July 1, 2009 at 4:00 PM  
Blogger Leigh (Modern Mommy) said...

Wow. I had no idea you could be that passive aggressive after becoming a household name at K-Mart. I bet Martha Stewart taught her that.

Also, at least she didn't offer to pray for you. I was told that someone would be praying for me since I didn't treat Michael Jackson's death with the appropriate amount of respect. I mean, if you're gonna put me down at least leave Jesus out of it.

July 1, 2009 at 4:15 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

DUDE. Had I been following @KathyIreland I totally would have known about all of this already!

And hey, you're not going to starting tweeting with @DameElizabeth, are you? Because I don't really want to follow her.

July 1, 2009 at 4:18 PM  
Anonymous Coco said...

I am laughing so hard. Were embarassed because I would have been. This is an awesome post.

I guess you are a celebritweet now.

July 1, 2009 at 4:47 PM  
Blogger Lish said...

How did you get those Twitter pages to look so real???!?!?!?

July 1, 2009 at 4:52 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Now THIS is the kind of thing that would actually make me take an active interest in twittering! I was transfixed by this. I can't believe that really happened! And I NEVER knew that Andie McDowell's voice was dubbed out of Greystoke! So much to process...

July 1, 2009 at 5:14 PM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Surreal at its finest.

July 1, 2009 at 5:28 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

I started to sign up for Twitter. But someone already stole my HoodChick handle so I had to think of a name, then I drank some and thought some more and drank some more...

July 1, 2009 at 6:32 PM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Does this mean that you are moving up in world standing, and will no longer talk to us mere mortals?

July 1, 2009 at 7:48 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

There is no way that really happened--OMFG. That is too funny. Kathy Ireland? Elizabeth Taylor? For realz?


July 1, 2009 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger zelzee said...


Please, please start twittering with Dame Elizabeth!!!

July 1, 2009 at 8:59 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

Wow. Just ... wow!

July 1, 2009 at 9:32 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

ROTFLOL! OMG, tooo funny! So funny in fact that I had to read aloud and explain the screen shot of tweets to my parents who are over for dinner. My Mom tweets but my Dad doesn't know a computer from...? a tv? so this was a very involved conversation.

Well worth trying to read through the tears of laughter in my eyes. Thanks!

July 1, 2009 at 9:47 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

i just learned more about twitter in reading this post than I have ever understood before.

are you rooming with KI at blogher?

July 1, 2009 at 9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You make up too much shit.

Or is it 'You make shit up too much'?

I don't know. But holy hell Kathy Ireland? Elizabeth? Who is next, Michael Jackson?

bad joke. I know.

July 1, 2009 at 10:01 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Ok, this is the strangest thing I've read today. Surreal. Thanks for sharing. I don't Twitter-- it freaks me out. This did NOTHING to change my feelings on that. :)

July 1, 2009 at 10:11 PM  
Blogger marathon mom said...

KI had a furniture line at one point in time - hrmmmmm. I would have been all - OMG no not okay need some leather gameroom furniture and coordinating lighting - dot dot dot

July 1, 2009 at 10:31 PM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Duuuuuude! I feel famous by association. With, well, another association. And Twitter.

But famous. Still, famous.

July 1, 2009 at 11:14 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I love how you captured the entire crazy tweetedness...what an odd thing to happen :)

July 1, 2009 at 11:16 PM  
Blogger ella said...

That was C-R-A-Z-Y funny.

July 2, 2009 at 12:34 AM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

Twitter is so bizarre. Where else can you discuss Anne Frank with a super model. That is so strange.

July 2, 2009 at 1:32 AM  
Blogger Jennifer H said...

You are my favorite person in the world. Don't tell my kids or my husband or a couple of friends and favorite cousins. Or Kathy Ireland. Not that she was anywhere close to the top of the list (no offense, Kath).

July 2, 2009 at 1:32 AM  
Blogger p.huong said...

Good shit.

... hahaha Twitter is so weird. It allows us to connect with so many people and it can get us into so many awkward situations (like how I still owe you that dream appearance fee.)

July 2, 2009 at 1:42 AM  
Blogger jon said...

I think it's time to tweet DameElizabeth and see how she really feels about KathyIreland. and Anne Frank for that matter!

July 2, 2009 at 3:49 AM  
Blogger Elisa said...

no.fucking.way. Liz Taylor is on Twitter?

Oh, I'm sorry, you were saying something about models and stuff. please continue.

Ah, you were done? I think you sidestepped a very embarrassing moment. Which happens every day on Twitter, but not necessarily with a celeb. Holy crap, a celeb! She doesn't seem that stupid, either. Ok, a little bit. With not getting the emotionally drained thing. And she probably doesn't have kids. And if she does, I hope that is an old, old picture of her.

July 2, 2009 at 8:47 AM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

This is way better than the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon! Which shall henceforth be known as the 4 degrees of Marinka...
I just know Dame Elizabeth will be thrilled to know she is, by association, so close to our favorite New Yorker.

July 2, 2009 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

You are such a damn troublemaker! LOL!

July 2, 2009 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

scary funny.

July 2, 2009 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Immoral Matriarch said...

I don't even know what to say about any of it.

She seems weird to me...

July 2, 2009 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Bee and Rose said...

You have just beckoned me to the dark! I haven't made a tweet and all my friends are calling me a dinosaur!

I may just have to tweet now..

Great post!

July 2, 2009 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger HappyHourSue said...

You are my hero. You totally dissed a supermodel. You should have asked her about her furniture collection, "Kathy ireland Home". I would have been all "can i get a discount on the Rhapsody chandeleir?"

July 2, 2009 at 5:03 PM  
Blogger Jen of A2eatwrite said...

This is really funny, but in a scary, scary way.

July 2, 2009 at 5:24 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

Twitter is out of control -- but in a pretty good way sometimes. I really love the connections.

July 2, 2009 at 6:19 PM  
Blogger Techno Angel said...

Ok, so first off, I think I just peed my pants. I'm pretty sure this is the most hysterical thing you've ever posted!

Obviously, don't link her here or she'll have the people in white jackets come and get you! :)

I think it's pretty funny how all the stars think they're Twitter Heroes now. What good Samaritans they all are! lol!

July 2, 2009 at 9:09 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

I think I just hurt my hemorrhage laughing so hard. I'll definitely be sore. So glad you shared.

July 4, 2009 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

KI has a very, very high end furniture line. :) You should have asked her about that. :)

July 5, 2009 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger Stimey said...

Now that is some good stuff. I found myself reading this post really slowly because I didn't want it to end. I really wanted to savor it.


July 6, 2009 at 12:37 AM  
Anonymous LadyFi said...

Hilarious! I'm obviously using Twitter in quite the wrong non-tippling-from-bottles kind of way!

And good for Ms. Ireland! Coz you were so judging her...

July 7, 2009 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger Ri. Short for Maria. Not pronounced like the bread. said...

...aaaannnnddd, just like that, coffee UP my nose. Thanks. First time I come to your blog and I may have sustained first degree nasal passage burns.

For some reason, I don't think Kathy Ireland OR Dame Elizabeth will be keeping watch by my drunken-Mommy-bloggin' bedside. But, I bet you would. See, THAT's compassion...

July 7, 2009 at 7:52 AM  
Anonymous maggie, dammit said...

I wish I had seen this days ago when you posted it, because I would be having a much better fucking week.

This is so awesome. So weird. So awesomely weird.


July 7, 2009 at 12:21 PM  
Blogger Karen Sugarpants said...

that is comedy gold! great post - here from google reader - maggie dammit shared your post. :)

July 7, 2009 at 1:10 PM  
Anonymous Bella said...

lmao...very funny! I can so see shit like that happening to me if I joined up. Misunderstandings abound!

Awesome blog! You rock!

July 11, 2009 at 4:34 PM  
Blogger Kaylen said...

Wow--this was insane!!
I love that she was worried about you not responding instantly!

And she actually read your profile?? Just a reminder to check out your profile before you start spouting out about celebrities! :)

September 15, 2009 at 4:42 PM  

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