Friday, June 12, 2009

Let's Get This Party Started

My son's sleepover party was last night. The "sleep" in "sleepover" is there to mock me and the English language, I am sure. I don't know why they don't just call it "parental torture session" although I suspect that the reason is that then even morons like me would be reluctant to host it at their house. Unless my son convinced me that "torture is fun, MOM! Everyone's into torture. It's patriotic."


Ok, I know that it's insane to have six boys sleep over. I get it. The others moms asked "need any help?" and when I said "yes, I need a lot of help. Please come over and herd these fucking kids while I catch up on General Hospital," they laughed. I don't think it's nice when people laugh at you when you're asking for help.
But I get it, haha.

What I don't get is when people, people who are supposed to love me, ask me why I've decided to have this sleepover. People like mama. "Why is this fun?" she asked me last night after she dropped my daughter off. "It doesn't look like fun."
"That's because you're in your sixties and they're seven," I explained to her.
She seemed unconvinced.
"You never had sleepovers with six people when you were that age," she said.
"I was in Russia when I was that age," I said. "There are plenty of things that I didn't have."
"I see," mama got quiet. "I didn't think that your chilkdhood was so miserable. I suppose that I should apologize."

And then, when the kids were working my last nerve, Husbandrinka chimes in.
"Why did you want to have this sleepover?" he asks me. I mean, seriously? Why did I WANT to have six 7 year old boys over? Yes, Husbandrinka, I tried to hide it from you, but Michael Jackson and I have a few things in common and I'm not referring to skin tone. I love boys. LOVE THEM. This whole having children and then waiting until they were old enough to have sleepovers with every freaking friend they've ever met was just part of my clever ruse to lure them over to our house. Ah, the aroma of their flatulence, poetically narrated by them at life splitting volume is my Beethoven. I especially love when they start to punch each other, and scream because that is fun for me. And I don't want to get carried away, but watching them eat, with their hands, is pure poetry. Look at that young Adonis, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and then touching the wall is almost too much for me to bear.

Sweet Jesus, why do you think that I agreed to have these heathens over at our house overnight? Because Young Ladrinka said that it's what he wanted for his birthday.
And because I knew that I'd get blog fodder out of it. And a straightjacket.

Watch for these fun future posts featuring the sleepover:

Highlights of the Sleepover: My Daughter Explains The Miracle of Life to the Boys With the Aid of Sims II.

Fun Questions That Boys Asked At Dinner, including "Is Breakfast Included In This Sleepover?"

I Threaten To Kill Everyone.

33 Comments:

Blogger daydreamymama said...

You are a goddess of motherhood. However, your son won't recognize it until he has kids of his own, at which point he will wake up in a cold sweat at 3:00 a.m. and exclaim, "Good god, my mother is a saint!" The next day you will get flowers and extremely expensive chocolate.

June 12, 2009 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

You have the patience of a saint. When my son turns seven, will you come over and host his sleep-over too? I would really appreciate it.

June 12, 2009 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Tooj said...

Oh, I did this too....it was a bad idea. We only had a total of 5 boys over, but they were age....9? I think? I can't remember which birthday it was. I DO, however, recall that within five minutes of being in the house (after spending 2 hours roller skating, mind you), they broke my lamp. Seriously. Five minutes. I looked at my husband and shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't particularly fond of the lamp anyhow.

June 12, 2009 at 9:44 AM  
Anonymous Coco said...

Glad you survived to write about it. I was lucky when my daughter was 7 and had a sleepover. They all passed out by 10 watching Barbie movies.

Boys are a different animal though.

June 12, 2009 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Try it again with 12 year olds. That's when they decide to try and stay up all fucking night. Can I use fuck in a comment here? Do you fucking mind? :)

And open id is jacked, so my new blog won't show up...bastards...

June 12, 2009 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Our first boy sleepover is in two weeks and now I'm more scared than before. Make this blog helpful at least by publishing some pointers, which better include "sneak out to your friend's house while husband is putting up the tent and don't come back til morning." (Ours is a backyard camp out sleepover.)

June 12, 2009 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

No back rubs this time?

June 12, 2009 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Still ignoring my advice. Serves you right. I'm with Mama - why on earth would you do this?

June 12, 2009 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Wow. That sounds ugly. You are a good mother for doing that.

June 12, 2009 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

As a mom of four, the way you survive a sleepover is to invite one (or more if you so desire, I personally prefer one) of the kid's moms to hang out and drink with you.

Yep. That's how I handle all sleepovers.

June 12, 2009 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

I'm sure you'll earn mother of the Fucking Year for that sleepover.

June 12, 2009 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger TMCPhoto said...

I recall having a sleepover for my 9th birthday, I had 9 friends sleep over and my parents stuck us in the basement to keep their sanity. My daughter's only chance to have this type of party is for us to own a home with said basement stuck into the earth beneath our home.

Good for you though, it takes a mother with nerves of steel to put herself through a sleepover for blog fodder.

June 12, 2009 at 11:47 AM  
OpenID justmeandthevoices said...

No fucking way. That's what my ex-husband is for. To host the sleepovers. He's much better at it than me anyway. One time he actually hooked up SIX TVs so they could all play video games. Ingenious.

Can't wait to hear more.

June 12, 2009 at 12:15 PM  
Anonymous LadyFi said...

I'm laughing, but shouldn't be... Tomorrow, My hubby and I are going to have a sleepover at my friends' house with six kids (our two and their 4 - the youngest is only 3, the oldest 8)... Coz of the young kid, WE have to try and sleep (ha ha) there for the night...

God give me strength and a bottle of single malt!

June 12, 2009 at 12:37 PM  
Blogger lisa said...

I've got six 14 yr. old girls on Saturday. After I'm done drinking, they can use the empty to play spin the bottle. Because, you know, I'll be passed out.

June 12, 2009 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

I actually have no idea how to enable or disable my email address, but I'm pretty sure it's already enabled. Must check on that.

I am SO glad you had this sleepover because this is one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time!

June 12, 2009 at 1:36 PM  
Blogger Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I think you're the sweetest person I know for doing this!! Hope your son was happy!!

June 12, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Ann's Rants said...

Think of it this way. Now Young Ladrinka owes you. Big time.

June 12, 2009 at 1:45 PM  
Blogger Annje said...

You are a saint and your mama is a hoot. I am not looking forward to these birthday requests. Don't you love some of the questions husbands ask?

June 12, 2009 at 2:21 PM  
OpenID camerapatty said...

Well I am glad to see that you survived as evidenced by your posting on your blog today. I am sure the followup blogs will be quite entertaining.

May you find some peace this weekend!

Scent-sationally yours
Patty

June 12, 2009 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger I'm Nate's Mom said...

That's fabulous. I've never hosted the boy sleepover party, but I've got to think the girl party is way worse. The shrill voices, the screaming, the drama. And that's just the mom's dropping the girls off. Bring on the vino.

June 12, 2009 at 2:47 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

Sleepovers are indeed patriotic. But if anyone falls asleep, the terrorists have won.

June 12, 2009 at 3:19 PM  
Blogger Scrappy Girl said...

I love planning sleepovers...I am just not fond of them while they are actually happening...LOL! Glad you survived!

June 12, 2009 at 3:41 PM  
Blogger lizspin said...

I hate to say it, but Mama was right yet again!

June 12, 2009 at 5:01 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

You're obviously braver than me.

June 12, 2009 at 5:56 PM  
Blogger Comedy Goddess said...

No ER vist, nor arrival of fire fighters, I would claim the sleepover a success!

Any leftover cake? I love birthday cake!

June 12, 2009 at 7:12 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

Wow, and I thought I was a sucker. At least I'm only getting a 2 year old boy for a couple of hours.

June 12, 2009 at 10:49 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Only threaten? That is impressive.

June 13, 2009 at 12:09 AM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

Oh wow, I'd have kicked out all those boys after fifteen minutes. I don't do well when surrounded by a bunch of other people's children.

June 13, 2009 at 12:28 AM  
Blogger Insta-mom said...

Oh dear God, I am having two boys sleep over tomorrow night, and while it is not six *extra* boys, it does bring the total number of young boys in my house to six.

Now you've forced me to ask for prayers and saintly intercession.

June 13, 2009 at 2:10 AM  
Blogger MadMad said...

SEVEN YEAR OLDS!???!! That IS pretty desperate for a blog post! There ain't enough wine in the world to recover from that!

June 13, 2009 at 10:04 AM  
Anonymous wendi said...

The only way I'll ever have 6 boys sleep over at my house is if the Thunder From Down Under Gentleman's Review tour bus crashes on my street.

June 13, 2009 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Miss M said...

I am totally scared now. My 7 year old just asked to have her 1st sleep over and I am having second thoughts.
My Husband is from England and he always says the same thongs about things being different when he was a child. Then I remind him he was raised on a farm in the English Countryside. That usually shuts him up.

June 14, 2009 at 6:22 PM  

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