Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Doggy Style

Last year a woman who works in our office brought in her dog to work with her. For no apparent reason. What made it so odd, besides the fact that there was a dog in our normally canine-free office, was that she was so matter-of-fact about it, like it was something that we all did on occasion or something. One of the people who was not so matter of fact about it was me. And not just because when I was sitting at my desk and noticed it out of the corner of my eye, I screamed maniacally because I thought that it was a furry rat or a gremlin or something.
She ran in, “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of Fluffy!” she said. Ok, so the dog’s name wasn’t really “Fluffy,” but to be honest, all small furry dogs are sort of “Fluffy” to me. Just like all California blondes are Jennys. Although I can’t think of a single blonde name Jenny now. That is really unfortunate, blogally speaking.

“I’m not afraid of her,” I reassured her, pushing my chair back and worrying that I was accidentally going to roll over Fluffy. “It just startled me.”

“It?” She asked, clearly offended.
“What?”
“She’s a girl.”
Yes, aren’t we all.

By this point, judging from the shrieks coming from down the hall, Fluffy made her way to other offices. Her owner, I mean, “mother”, went to reassure the other office occupants/shame them into admitting lack of Fluffy Fear.

The day went slowly for me. For some reason, I was anxious about where Fluffy was, where she was going, what she was plotting. I was afraid that she would run out into the elevator, that I would sit on her, step on her, make a copy of her on the Xerox machine. The only moment of peace I had was when I closed my office door and then I’d hear her rodent-like paws scratching at the door. I could not wait to go home.

The woman who brought Fluffy thought that Fluffy was a great asset to our office. At some point, I overheard her telling a co-worker that dogs are therapeutic and lower blood pressure. Since at that very moment I was having a mini stroke about Fluffy’s whereabouts since the last time I saw her was near our high-rise open window, I found the claims of Fluffy as a hypertension-buster really hard to swallow.

I went home early that day, emotionally drained.
As I was waiting for the bus to go home, I got a call from my friend from the office who had the best news. Fluffy just left. After she peed all over our lobby. I don’t know about blood pressure, but I am certain that her bladder pressure was lowered.

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12 Comments:

Blogger binks said...

Great title!

August 27, 2008 at 9:14 AM  
Anonymous Kate said...

I find it amazing that people just assume that their pets are welcome everywhere. I mean, I don't assume that my pets - I mean, my children are welcome everywhere. Some people are actually allergic to fluffy dogs (and children).

August 27, 2008 at 9:20 AM  
OpenID h31n0us said...

I like animals and all, but they don't belong in a workplace. I think you should have shaved it while she wasn't looking.

August 27, 2008 at 11:01 AM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

Now, now, what kind of traffic were you hoping to get with that title? ;-)
It amazes me how some people can be egotistical. Is she usually the office bulldozer or just in cloud cuckoo land? I'm betting she knew that bringing her dog could be a problem for some people, but did it anyway. But that's because I have a suspicious mind.

August 27, 2008 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger Tracey said...

Um, anyone hear of allergies? Of having a right to NOT be subjected to someone else's unhealthy devotion to a furry creature? I would have left a complaint. Truly.

August 27, 2008 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Madge said...

people are just weird. oh, look. I'll bring my dog to work, just pretend it's NORMAL. people like that should have their own planet.

August 27, 2008 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Roadchick said...

People used to bring dogs into our office and yeah, ok, whatever. That came to a swift end when the building management notified our management that one of the dogs had pooped on the carpet and the cleaning crew was NOT going to clean it up - and furthermore - NO ANIMALS IN THE BUILDING.

August 27, 2008 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger texasholly said...

OMG. I am still laughing. I was really hoping you accidentally xeroxed it, I mean HER. Seriously, this is disturbing! So glad the dog peed in the lobby. Nice.

August 27, 2008 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

okay, so I AM a dog person, but only in the privacy of my own home. oh wait, are we talking about the same thing?

p.s. I'm with YOU girl, I'm with you.

August 28, 2008 at 6:36 AM  
Blogger Z said...

Um. Yeah. So weird. And what's with all the little fluff dogs in the city? I get the creeps when one pops out of a handbag on the subway and stares at me... Little gremlin. GAH!

(Just for the record, I actually AM a dog person. I even live with one. One who I would NEVER bring to work.)

August 28, 2008 at 7:06 PM  
Blogger Insta-mom said...

A student once showed up in my class with a small snake in a shoe box. He had seen the snake at lunch and ANOTHER TEACHER gave him the box to put it in.

I think a small fluffy dog would have been worse, though.

August 29, 2008 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger wfbdoglover said...

I hate small dogs for the exact reason you stated. They pee all over the place and bark at everything and anything and their owners coddle these things and expect everyone to tip toe around their rat.

those owners are usually ones that parent their kids in the same manner.

YUCK!

August 30, 2008 at 10:29 AM  

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