Monday, August 25, 2008

Life Mysteries

On one of the last days of our vacation, I was lying in bed in our rented front door ajar and no lock house, listening to the dogs barking up a storm. Except there was no storm of course and that expression has never made sense to me. But it reminded me of Hound of the Baskervilles and I was trying to remember if anyone got murdered there, because I didn’t want to start panicking unnecessarily.

“I can’t believe how much those dogs are barking tonight,” I told my husband, trying not to show fear.

“What dogs?” he asked, masking his fear even better.

“You know, the ones barking,” I pointed to the window.

“Those aren’t dogs,” he said. “Those are geese quacking.”
“Geese? Quacking?” That seemed less ominous.
“Or honking.”
”Honking? Is that what geese do?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know what geese do? I’m from Newark.”

Ok, I have no idea what being from Newark has to do with knowing the appropriate sounds that geese make, but whatever. It’s one of life’s mysteries. And here’s another that I thought of that night, now that I felt somewhat assured that I wouldn’t be murdered in my sleep.

How come people don’t fall out of their beds more often? I don’t mean the King-size bed sleepers, but people with twin beds? People move around in their sleep, shouldn’t we be rolling off our beds more often? Because if more people would plummet off their beds, I could finally work on developing my bed seatbelt idea that would keep us strapped in, like a straightjacket, sort of, but it would come in different colors. Maybe even seductive leopard print. In satin.

And the other life mystery I wonder about is what happened to True Romance magazine. In the 80s I saw it on newspaper stores all the time, but now, never. Yes, it took me two decades to notice, but now I’m wondering.

Because I can’t imagine what could be more fun than being strapped in bed, listening to geese honking and reading “True Romance”. Except being murdered in your sleep, of course.

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Blogger Tracey said...

I had the SAME thought when I started your post which was "She is SUCH a city girl!!" and was laughing over my coffee. :)

Hope you're having fun.

August 25, 2008 at 7:53 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

oh my God that was funny. I needed that after being TORTURED during a three hour inservice today. Thanks for resuscitating me.

August 25, 2008 at 11:36 AM  
Blogger Mama Ginger Tree said...

Welcome back. I was starting to wonder if you had been murdered in your sleep.

August 25, 2008 at 12:08 PM  
Anonymous Kate said...

I think you're onto something big here... Better call a patent lawyer pronto. I mean - now that you've put your idea online for anyone to steal.

August 25, 2008 at 12:26 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

I'm kind of clausterphobic, so I'm not sure I could handle the bed seat belt. I can't even have my feet under the blankets. But, you may have something there, you know, if people fell out of bed more, which they don't really.

Welcome back city girl, I missed you!

August 25, 2008 at 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And now all I can think about is Honk of the Baskervilles and why there aren't more books written about geese.

Hey, maybe your bed-belts could be padded with goose down.

August 25, 2008 at 3:50 PM  

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