Tuesday, July 15, 2008

House Rules and Proposed Amendments

At our household, we have some rules, because we are Excellent Parents. Enforcement is another issue, however, and over the years, our kids have made some modifications, or amendments.

Here they are. You will probably want to take notes. And then paste those notes over whatever it is that Dr. Spock advises.

Rule 1: Do not enter parents' bedroom before 7 am. Because your parents are exhausted and need rest and sleep and relaxerization (yes, I know someone who thinks that's a word. Hopefully, she's not reading this blog).

Amendment: Run into parents' room at 6:30 and announce, "See you in half an hour!!!"

Rule 2: Do not talk to mommy while she's in the bathroom.

Amendment: Tap on the bathroom door and say, "Are you still in there?" until door opens.

Rule 3: Do not run in the house.

Amendment: Skipping, hopping and leaping is ok. So is speed walking. And running in slow motion, like you're in the critical scene in "Chariots of Fire."

Rule 4: No potty talk at the table.

Amendment: This violates the First Amendment.

Rule 5: Don't say "stupid" unless you mean in it its literal sense.

Response: Oh, we mean it.

Rule 6: Take your plate to the dishwasher after meals.

Response: Thank you for preparing us for a lifetime in the food service industry.

Rule 7: If you're a boy, do not wear black socks with shorts until you're 70.

Response: That's stupid.

Rule 8: If you're a girl, don't wear shirts with suggestive slogans.

Response: What's suggestive?

Rule 9: Do not ask grandmother why her skin is wrinkly and loose.

Response: That's SKIN?

Rule 10: Treat other people like you would like to be treated.

Response: Let's go get you some Pokemon cards and a Wii game, mom.

Stumble It!



Blogger Feener said...

thank you -that was enjoyable !

July 15, 2008 at 9:32 PM  
Blogger Madge said...

we have those amendments at our house too. what is with the bathroom thing anyways -- and the 6:30 a.m.

when does that stop??????

July 15, 2008 at 10:26 PM  
Blogger wfbdoglover said...


July 15, 2008 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I love that last one. I get that all the time. Although I really did want Guitar Hero III. :)

July 15, 2008 at 11:29 PM  
Anonymous MomMega said...

HA! That 6:30 am thing is HILARIOUS! Oh my, I can barely wait for the day...

Thanks for the visit, I hope your family liked the tofu!

July 16, 2008 at 1:31 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

I saw a dude at Wawa's wearing black socks with Adidas sandals and wanted to plop a mirror down in front of him. Travesty.

July 16, 2008 at 5:35 AM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Excellent! Way to teach them flexibility and negotiation. I'll be posting these on my bedroom and bathroom doors if my kids live to be old enough to read. Possibly without the negotiated exceptions.

July 16, 2008 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

All classics! Great post ... especially that talking when in the bathroom. Can I get ONE minute of privacy!

July 16, 2008 at 11:24 AM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Bahahahaha! That was fabulous. Put a huge smile on my face. :-)

July 16, 2008 at 12:43 PM  
Anonymous nissa said...

#9 : When my husband was small he made a comment to his grandmother (who had normal grandma-type wrinkles) regarding some story she told about her childhood. His comment was something along the lines of "Was that back when your face was nice and straight, Nanny?" Niiiiice. Also, did I just write "normal grandma-type wrinkles"? Just Botox me now!

July 16, 2008 at 1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm supposed to be in the office "working" right now. If I continue to read your blog, I think the laughter will be the tip off to my husband that I'm not exactly doing what I said I would.

July 16, 2008 at 11:10 PM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

Awesome. I see what's in store for me already.

July 17, 2008 at 1:41 PM  

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